My h's child support order was to pay 25% of his income and the judge didn't take into consideration h has two other children 4yrs and 1yr(3months older than oc). If I would have filed for seperation before she filed for support I would have received my 30% first now if I file for seperation I would receive $750 for two children and she is receiving $800. So because my h and I wanted to try to work it out my children our being punished. To me that doesn't seem right. I was wondering if anyone has tried to sue ow for the difference. What I mean by the difference is that if I would have filed first I would have received $1000 instead of $750 and she would be receiving $550. What I want to do is to take her to court on my chidrens behalf. Does anyone know if that is possible. OW's friend told me she is sticking the extra money she doesn't spend each month in a savings account to spoil the oc. I do not know if she told me that out of spite or what but I am sure she has money left over. Input please!

Hi tmdt I truly know what you are going through, my H pays 1000.00 a month for 2 children which is approximately 38% of his gross income. That leaves only 1600.00 left a month for us to live on. We have 4 children. I was told there is nothing we can do about it and that I should have filed before she did. I agree that it really stinks on how the system works. According to the courts they didn't care that he had 4 children. OW has a good job and it just isnt fair that my children have to suffer. The laws are really messed up in my opinion. I wish I could help you more. The best thing you could do is call a lawyer and ask them. Good luck I hope you have better luck then I did.

I am so sorry, but I am more disgusted than anything. I have tried lawyers but they can't gaurantee anything because no one has tried to sue on behalf of the children from the marriage that they know of. So that is why I was wondering if anyone has tried to do that so I can get more information on what went wrong with their cases to inform the lawyer. Thanks for the input.

Hello,
I was just wondering if the laws in your state say if the childern are older than OC that they will take them inconsideration? I believe there is something that your H can file to reduce child support. What state are you in?

Dawn

I am from Minnesota. I do not know if counties play a part but we live in different counties. Thank goodness for small blessings.

I am not sure what state you live in, I live in texas and a friend had a baby, and they lowered his ex wifes child support in order to provide for the new baby, because they can only take so much of his income.
Your best bet would be to contact a family lawyer who would look out for your interest.
There are so many different variations that I dont think any one situation is a like.

I recieve child support, but I sat down with OM and he told me what he could afford, I know what he makes, we are pretty honest and i know I could get a few hundred more each month, but I dont need the money and daughter doesnt either, But OM also buys shoes when ever she needs them, extra clothes, He has to be able to have money for stuff when she visits him. Besides why make every one bitter over money, It makes for a better environment because no one is stressed over money.

How ever untill you go to court and ask them to lower it, You have no say so in what this woman spends on her child, and if she were to take every penny and put in a bank account for this child for when she is older, it is her right to do so.

It may not seem fair, but it isnt about the OW always, sometimes it is about the child. and why shouldnt this child be spoiled just like all the other children around.
It isnt the oc's fault, you shouldnt blame the children.
Just curious, I dont know laws for every state, but why would you be able to sue the other woman for a court ordered cs ? She didnt pick the amount the court did.
I dont think you have a choice, if this bothers you this much, you should get a lawyer and ask him to sue, he will tell you if it is possible. Or maybe he can guide you and husband to manipulate the system in your favor.
Good luck

tmdt, I am so sorry you didn't find this forum before you went to court. I was in in your shoes and I was advice to file before OW.

As was stated, I would find a lawyer because at this point, you don't have anything to lose.

Good luck.

MOF, you are absolutely correct when you say children are incident and should be taken care of BUT tmdt children are innocent as well and I believe her family should come before OW. JMO

lemon you are entittled to that opinion, I believe her children should be taken care of as well and as a mother her job would be to take care of her children, as a father his job would be to take care of all children that belong to him.

It isnt about OW of course her children should come before OW the other woman should not come in any where.. But the CHILD is what I am speaking of, not the OW.. she is a big girl.. SHE can take care of her self.

Thats the problem, EVERY one is speaking in terms of OW .. it isnt about OW, you are not paying support for OW you are giving it to OW TO CARE FOR HER CHILD.

MOF, IMO, you are becoming defensive. You are absolutely right, it is about supporting the OC not OW. However when the OC is receiving more money than the children of the marriage, I can't help but to advise the BS to take any and all actions to support her family not the OC. WHY SHOULD THE BS PUT OWC BEFORE HER OWN????? You cerntainly wouldn't put someone else's children before yours, would you???? IMO, the BS children are far more important than the OC. So again, my advice is to do whatever it takes to protect her family because you can stake your life the the OW will do whatever she has to protect hers, as we have learned from the many posts on this forum. So MOF, Sorry to offend you, I stick by my advice, she should do WHATEVER it take to PROTECT HER OWN FAMILY.

lemon
her question is about taking someone to court and suing for a judgement another judge made, I think if she wants to do this she should find a lawyer and go about changing the laws, I dont feel any court would realistically let her sue a woman for a judgement made by someone in another court. BEcause that is not the womans fault, her goal is to go to court and have the amount changed so that her children are treated equally or at least fairly.

I do think she should go to court and se if she can appeal on behalf of her children. of course her children are a concern, but There have to be other options that might actually help.
I dont expect a bs spouse to put OC before her own, of course not, I just think some things have to be looked at logically and not emotionally.

<small>[ July 07, 2002, 10:55 AM: Message edited by: mom of five ]</small>

MOF, you are absolutely correct that things should be looked at logically and not emotionally. IMO, it is logical for her to try to find a way to reduce the OC support, so that her family does not have to suffer. Again, the welfare of her children should take precedence(?) over OC.

***it isnt about OW, you are not paying support for OW you are giving it to OW TO CARE FOR HER CHILD.***

MOF,
If you believe that I have some swamp land I would like to sell you.
Tell me, just how do you seperate your childs expenses from your own ? Do you pay for her food seperatly, do you measure out your house and figure how much per square foot your child uses and only use cs to pay that amount ? How about utilities, do you figure out what was only spent on the child, never what you actually used yourself ? The answer to all these is NO .
The only way an ow can say that cs is used ONLY for the child is to put it in the bank and give it to the child in one lump sum when that child is grown.
CS is no different than alimony. IT should be called household maintanance money because that is what it is used for. So don't go telling me ow don't benefit from cs becasue they most certainly do. Some in a VERY big way !
My H may be obligated to pay for his child but it pisses me off to no end that in the process he is helping to make ow's life easier.

jtigger

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> MOF,
If you believe that I have some swamp land I would like to sell you.
Tell me, just how do you seperate your childs expenses from your own ? Do you pay for her food seperatly, do you measure out your house and figure how much per square foot your child uses and only use cs to pay that amount ? How about utilities, do you figure out what was only spent on the child, never what you actually used yourself ? The answer to all these is NO .
The only way an ow can say that cs is used ONLY for the child is to put it in the bank and give it to the child in one lump sum when that child is grown.
CS is no different than alimony. IT should be called household maintanance money because that is what it is used for. So don't go telling me ow don't benefit from cs becasue they most certainly do. Some in a VERY big way !
My H may be obligated to pay for his child but it pisses me off to no end that in the process he is helping to make ow's life easier.

jtigger



</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">my my tigger, more anger...
Since I pay 98 percent of everything and always have it doesnt really matter, we make more we have more than om , so NO HIS MONEY DOESNT BENEFIT ME IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM. SORRY TO DISSAPOINT YOU. I purposely did not take him to court, because while he makes a good living my daughter did not need all the money they would give her, as my husband and my self support her completely.
so the money he gives, is either used to buy something for her or it goes in the bank.
He came up with the amount and i said what ever your comfortable with.

however just because I dont need his money, doesnt mean that another woman who has a baby should benefit from it, and if it gives that woman the help she needs with out it costing the state, I am all for it. so again sorry for your anger, but I see nothing wrong with child support and I am sure their are many single mothers who need it.. I just dont... and if she uses it to pay a water bill or take the kids to disney land I guess that is her business. As long as the woman gives her kids a roof over their head and food , clothing and give them a stable environment.
who cares if it makes OW's life easier, if it provides extras for that child, while some child support is outrageous it is still needed for child support to be paid. a necessary evil if you like. I however do not benefit from OM's money and I dont believe all OW do.

OM was just as married as I was ,only minus the children... He was just a much a party to this as was I... sorry dont feel sorry for him, I even gave him the choice to walk away and refused for him to pay anything over a year and a half.. he does it because he feels guilty I guess, But when my daughter is old enough it will pay for her college who cares what she spends it on it is hers.. I dont recall any one feeling bad, that my self and husband had to pay all hospital expenses and every single thing for the past 2 years.. we had five children to support, and not once did I whine to him over that... they are my children, I take care of them, it is pretty simple.
I buy 90 percent of her clothes, they buy an outfit once in a while and they like to buy shoes, but I never ask. ever... Just something he likes to do.we paid medical he doesnt , he could but why should he it is cheaper for my husband to do it..
I have bent over backwards to make this as pleasant as possible and in return he does what I ask with daughter and respects my parenting decisons and practices them when he has daughter, I think while not perfect we have worked it out quite well. If you tigger think that ever situation is the same then you live in a tiny bubble I guess.

I am sorry it has made life so hard for you, but you cant blame a child I was speaking of the child.. some of these mothers probably dont have the benefits I do, maybe they need that extra money to help with all those bills you mentioned. if thats the case so be it.. if you dont like it, go try and change the laws and make difference for your self, I dont see how attacking a person you know nothing about is helping you at all.. wont change your life or mine.

SO yes I believe that this woman getting child support is beneficial to that child. I think we are forgetting the question, I was just giving my opinion on if she could sue or not sue.
RELAX It was not meant as an attack on you or her.

tmdt
sorry we strayed off your question here is a link that has a discussion of laws in your state maybe there is some advice in here to help you get the amount lowered so it is beneficial to your children as well.

http://www.house.leg.state.mn.us/hrd/pubs/chldsupp.pdf