My H is still trying to make a decision about OW and OC. He still claims it is his and can only be his. I have decided our marraige is too important to end and am willing to be a step parent so the OC does not suffer. The problem is that the OW says all or none with him. She is not willing to let us stay together. She claims if he does not leave she is getting an abortion. This is unbelievable. I feel like life is so unfair and I do not know what to do. H does not think his family will forigive him if he stays with me. He really does not want to leave. He is willing to help support the child, but OW is totaly unwilling. In my opinion she is being very selfish. I just want to cry. I do not even know how to be without my H. He has been in my life for six years. I just want all this pain to go away.

jen,
What does your H say about this?

Has he said he wants to stay with you... or will he leave if OW threatens the abortion again?

Our OW was also this way. She threw threats all over the place.
"Had it (the pregnancy) not gone this far, I would have aborted" "I'll leave and you will never see her" "I will give her up for adoption, and you will never know" Things like that...

But, here we are, a year later... with Joint Custody and 51% of the week with Lil Bit. exOW tried to keep me out of the picture... but H and the courts wouldn't let her get away with it.

We are still fighting for custody... though the courts are running EXTREMELY SLOW.

Hugs to you.. I know how you feel...

First what kind of a woman makes a threat like that, all or nothing , is that a basis for a good life together. I cant believe a woman would threaten to kill her child to keep a man.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> please, who does that..
If you want to work on your marriage , then your husband has to make a decision, work on your marriage, or listen to idle threats.. I dont believe she would do it. and even if she does it is not your problem and you did not cause it by trying to save your marriage.

And if she has the baby , you and your husband will have rights just as she does and they can be enforced. This isnt about his extended family it is about you and he.
His family will get over it.. why would they want him involved with someone who makes threats of this kind as well.

I am sorry probably not helping, just this makes me sick. I know how angry and upset you must feel.

I say work on your marriage , you can not control other people. If she has the baby, you go an fight for rights.. if she doesnt just go and work on your marriage and put it behind you.

Jen,
I second what Mo5 has to say: you cannot control others. XOWen are manipulators who often see just how far they can push, how much control they have have over others via emotional blackmail. You/your H can GIVE her that control if you want, but let HER actions be on HER Conscience!! H's relatives are WRONG to expect him to chose OC over your marriage. His marriage vows came first and must stay first if your marriage is to survive his infidelity. Two wrongs do not make a right, and divorcing you would be the second wrong.

You're a strong lady now, you're making good choices, and may God's angles wings surround you while you muddle through this horrible muck. Jen, there IS a better tomorrow...

Good luck,
J
in recovery 4 (FOUR <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) years and happy

<small>[ July 05, 2002, 07:46 PM: Message edited by: Jenny ]</small>

Dear Jen,

Huge second to the fact that some determined OWs will say just about anything. They will threaten anything. But rarely do they carry out any of their threats.

I cannot believe that your H says his family will not forgive him if he stays with you and abandons OC, but they are comfortable and happy with a woman who is threatening to kill her child to get her way?

Your marriage was blessed by God -- not so your H's affair. Try to make your H see reason and that this woman is simply manipulating him. If he will go for it, ask him to go to counselling with you to help get his mind straight. This is a big issue to deal with and many of us need outside help to get us through.

I am so sorry for the pain you are in right now. Be strong and be just as determined as the OW to keep your H and your marriage. Try to follow the Harley principles at this time. I know that is hard, but try to be loving and to communicate as openly as possible with your H. He is obviously still in the fog and not thinking clearly. Try to make him see that the most important thing is your marriage and that if you present yourself as a united couple, the OW will have no choice but to accept.

I will be praying for you,
love,
heavenly

A major thanks to everyone who has responded. I am not sure what is going to happen. H claims OW will stick to her word and give the baby up. (she has said this many times but H has not made a decision) I think he really wants to be with me. I really apreciate everything everyone has said. I am glad I am not the only one who feels this way.

just wanted to know how you were <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />