I am sooooo tempted to call ex-OW.

I have no idea what I would say.

I just want to hear her voice and hear for myself how she feels about this whole mess she weaved.

Just like BTDT said, a woman knows who's the father of her child ... and if she's been with more than one she shouldn't be pointing fingers without DNA!

I know I shouldn't call. Because surely something very unchristianly will spew from my lips. I should as heavenly said,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Accept God's blessing with grace, never look back at this situation except to wonder at His goodness.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So all my prayer buddies. Say a prayer for me to cast away this desire and let it go.

And for all you non-praying types (just joking), why don't ya'll post to me all the good reasons I should let it go.

Love,
Z.

Dear wonderful Zebrababy,
Let it go?

I would just do it.

Waiting to bring down the house on the wicked witch of the west isn't what it's all about...living well is!

You go on with your babies and H and live well.

God will/has granted you a miracle on earth.
Why mess any further with it?
You go on being the strong woman you are.
Keep being a sister in Christ.

You are in peace now lady...remember 2000? UGH!

Keep up the great things and leave the lowly things for the slugs.

Kiss the family for your cyber friend will ya?

And let me know about that Dr. in an e-mail will you?

love
Debi

Dear Lord,

Hold Zebra's hand and heart today so that only good comes of this. We know you can turn a curse into a blessing. We cannot control others; only ourselves (and sometimes we have a hard time with ourselves! LOL Surely God has a sense of humor!). May everything we say and do be of YOUR will, be of Your grace and eternal Love. May only good come of this, only good come of this, only good come of this.

In Jesus' name,
Amen

What would we do if we knew we could not fail?

Gosh, zb,
She had NO BUSINESS taking your money for all those months KNOWING there were doubts in her mind. She just tried to live the fantasy and it blew up in her face.

Isn't that revenge enough? I can't think of any (ANY) BS on this forum who wouldn't just LOVE to be in your shoes right now.

I was sharing your story with my H (who doesn't post, but embraces the MB concepts and shows interest in MBers... He said you guys have a new lease on life and you can just praise God and move forward!!! He also could identify with your H's mixed emotions esp. after thinking for all this time that he was the father--well, xOW LEADING everyone to BELIEVE this lie... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Yes, what she did was outrageous and inexcusable but hey, I've walked in her shoes to an extent so I understand how it could happen (affair with MM), but no amount of raging on your part will get you back that year of torment she played a part in causing in your marriage, in your emotions, in your life and the lives of your kids but I do know one thing--GOD CAN RESTORE IT ALL BACK TO YOU IF YOU DO IT HIS WAY!!!

Don't allow negative things to creep in and steal your blessings!!! God restores us to the point where the "thing" can't ever touch us again. He shields us like we're in a bubble or something. I can't explain it. It's like the enemy's darts hit a plexiglass thing in front of us. We see the attack, but we are impenetrable (sp?)... We are hiding underneath the shadow of HIS wings! It's an incredible place to be. Just hide yourself there, like Psalm 91 says. Nothing can touch you there.

I believe that scripture where it says "a day in the Lord is like a thousand years and a thousand years is like a day" something like that? To me, that means God can restore a thousand years' worth of JOY to your life in ONE day--and I'm believing that for you as you move forward in your recovery! You still have a long way to go! There is still work to be done! You MBer, you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> (POJA, 4 Rules of Recovery, 15 hours a week, no LBing, EN Questionnaire update--get busy now! Go on!!!) HUGS! Be strong! xOW is NOT worth any more time taking up space in your head. Have a good weekend!

Dearest Z

You are in my thoughts and prayers about this, Z...I am asking God to bless you with grace and guide you through this.

While I completely understand your need for retribution, you, My Dear, are one of the luckiest women on the planet, errr, well, our MB Planet, that is. I mean, if it were me, I would be dancing in the streets, sobbing those shoulder shaking sobs of joy instead of the profound grief we have all experienced.

And, just because I am the way I am (without apology), I would launch a law suit against OW for fraud, even if it never went anywhere. Just the exercise of filing papers against her and having her served and causing her some form of consequence and heartburn would give me a measure of satisafaction. Don't call her...hurt her where it hurts the most...potentially in the pocketbook.

Just being served papers can cause someone an inordinate amount of anxiety...hell, don't I know it.

Then, go directly to Mass and drop to your knees in thanksgiving. That's my recipe for getting through something like this because I know I wouldn't be able to let anything go without doing "something" for closure. What she did was even more despicable than if it would have been true...she caused your marriage, your home, your family unbearable grief and misery and literally put you through hell on earth for a couple of years, taking money from you and blackmailing, etc. etc.

Not only did she break the commandment "Thou shalt not commit adultery", she also "Coveted your husband" and worst of all "Thou shalt not bear false witness..."...that's THREE, Z...three commandments! Wow...must be some kind of a record. hahaha

Scary...I'd hate to have her karma.

Anyway, rejoice and be glad for you are escaping a twenty year sentence of having your lfe completely turned upside down, escaping financial ruin and a chance to make your marriage stronger than ever...I hope your husband is deeply and completely appreciative of his amazing reprieve.

Catnip =^^=

zebra,
Catnip said she'd hate to have XOW's karma. I was thinking of that as well... specifically, that she is so beneath you at this point (she cannot have anything good to offer you, beyond an apology, which isn't likely right now); she's so far from God's will and grace, that we ought to pity her soul. Her behavior is a shame and I hope XOW will reach out of her sad and nasty pit and accept a hand up from HIM, turn her life over to a Better Way. It is hard to pray for our enemies, but there it is... and then we will be blessed that much more. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

(Thank you, BTDT, for turning my heart to praying for enemies! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> )
J

Dearest Zebra,

When I wrote that post to you, I was so full of emotion -- joy for the gift that God had given you, but anger at the cavalier way that some people can play with other people's lives. You were focusing on your joy at the time, but I feared that with time and reflection your anger would surface. That is why I encouraged you to accept God's blessing with grace.

Z, throughout this whole mess, you have been a model BS. I can never forget your posts when you were allowing visitation, when the ex-OW was playing head games, and how you lost a dear "sister" who was drawn into this situation to help you and your H and ended up having an EA with your H.

Throughout it all, you showed dignity, courage, and most of all, love for your H and your family. I believe with all my heart that part of the reason why you were blessed this way is the way that you handled the situation. This was God's reward for softening your heart and letting Him guide you.

You have escaped, Z. God is smiling on you. Don't turn His smile upside down for a person like the ex-OW. Accept His blessing, keep walking towards the sun, and don't look back emotionally.

You have given that woman money which she does not deserve. Money which rightfully belongs to your family. I do not believe that God would oppose you seeking to recover what is rightfully yours as long as you are not doing it with malicious intent. But, actually, you might think of the money as a reminder to you and your H of what can happen when you don't think carefully about the choices you make.

Personally, as long as I could do without the money, I would consider it a small price to pay for 18 years of financial freedom and, more importantly, for never having to lay eyes on the ex-OW again. That alone would be priceless.

Zebra darling, you are so blessed at this moment. Don't blow it. Don't slink to her level. Keep your dignity and your self-respect and continue to be the person that God knows you are and we know you to be.

Vent here as much as you like. The "how could she?" phase is going to last a little while. It's like when your child wanders away and you are hysterical for 60 seconds thinking the worst. Then when you find the child you want to scream at him. Your absolute joy will sometimes lapse into absolute anger. After what you have been through it is very normal. But resist, dear friend. She's not worth it, and you are so much better than that.

love,
heavenly

<small>[ July 06, 2002, 07:33 PM: Message edited by: heavenlybody26 ]</small>

I dont think she could say anything that would make you feel that she has made up for what she has done... I think she is thinking she better leave well enough alone and go away...
Take joy in that and move on with your life... You have been given a second chance... I say grab it and forget about her.

God calls us to forgive the unforgiveable... and we must do so w/ a clean heart... expecting nothing... when our motives are true... when we live as He wishes for us... His rewards are GREAT... such you have seen and will continue to see BECAUSE YOU HAVE THE COURAGE AND THE STRENGTH TO LIVE IN HIS WORD.

My prayer for you is continued courage and strength of character.

Hugs to you,
Cali

Yes, I agree with catnip that the xOW owes you retribution. It's only right. Still, like the others are saying, it might not make YOU FEEL better because she still sort of "robbed" from you things that only God is able to fully restore... (PEACE OF MIND for one thing.) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

So, while going after her may give you a sense of satisfaction to a degree, you and your H are still recovering from an affair and that takes a whole lot of work in and of itself--without an OC!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

You have been given the awesome gift of closing the chapter of the possibility of an OC now. That is an incredible gift. HOWEVER, you are still facing emotions of a BS that need to be dealt with (resentment, anger, betrayal, triggers, lack of trust, hopelessness, confusion, etc., and I can only go by what I have read here so you know that list better than I do.)

You should probably post or read a bit on GQII or Recovery boards because there are many BS's who are years down the road (without OC's) who can help you redirect your emotions because they are dealing with them still! Because now, OW is out of the picture!!!!!

BS's who deal with OC's still have the OP's to consider as well!!! Not you! Not anymore! So now what do you do? I mean, what do you do with emotions toward OW!!!!! How do you let go of all the drama!!!??? You need an outlet. Prayer is definitely one (GREAT) way. Posting and reading how other BS's are dealing with their emotions is another good way.

Your OW/OC are now out of you and your H's way, so how do you let go and move on? There is probably no easy answer because it's something you will be fighting to maintain your recovery for years to come!!!! It's a good question, zb. I wish you all the best!!! You can do this! Fight the GOOD fight!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> (You are winning!)

p.s. Jenny, I think you're the best! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> SOOOO good to see catnip too... have been wondering & praying (specifically) for you! Was also considering posting an APB looking for you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ July 07, 2002, 05:55 AM: Message edited by: BINthereDUNthat ]</small>

I agree with catnip. The OW wouldn't have a problem taking you to court. I also think if more BS did this and word got out that OW could be sued, I bet OW would at least would think twice about accusing someone if they aren't sure. I think OW could care less about a BS because they know there's no consequence for their actions. I didn't say OM because I personnally think men just don't think. (smile) Again, if you can sue her without damaging you relationship with your H, I say go for it.

zb,
Your input will ALWAYS be needed on this P/C forum, but thought you might get some encouragement from this thread copied from Recovery:

Here is the original thread:
(In 25 words or less, what would you say to the OW?)
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=31;t=007046;p=1

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Kat1972:
<strong>
Right now, I feel like I would be failing in my recovery effort if I felt like I needed to waste 25 words worth of breathe on the likes of her. It's my fervent hope that if I DID run into her somewhere (which is possible) I wouldn't even feel the need to acknowledge her existence.

The bottom line is, she is still the same sad, pathetic slut, still running from reality (and from accepting any responsibility for her own choices), still stuck in the same trailer-trash existence, still stuck in the same dead-end job (where's she's known as the office slut). Her husband (who had been willingly going to counseling with her before) basically gave up on her and is "staying" only for the kids (took a truck driving job to get away from her.) She has NOTHING.

She tried to take away everything important to me, and she failed. Miserably. As much pain as was inflicted on me, as horribly as I was treated for month by her and H, right now, where do I stand? I have a fantastic job which I love, where I just got a raise AND a bonus. I have a fantastic son who (unlike her brats) is smart and well-behaved. I have a husband who now worships the ground I walk on, and is getting help for all the childhood baggage he's been carrying around for decades. From the standpoint of communication, negotiation, and good relationship skills, thanks to counseling, our marriage is ALREADY in a better place than it has ever been (and it will be even better in a few months). My H and I have a clear consciences and a closer walk with God than either of us have ever had before. We have discovered how many true Christian friends we already had, who've supported and loved us both through all of this. Heck, this is kind of unimportant in the big scheme of things, but I lost 30 pounds and look better than I did before my son was born!

Gee, what would be the point of me telling her I hate her and think she's a selfish, immature slut? Much as she tries to dodge it, in her heart she KNOWS that already. SHE has to live with that being her life EVERY day. She did everything within her meager, pitiful power to destroy my H, my family and myself. God showed HIS power by turning every awful thing she did into a blessing to me and my family. The only thing she was able to destroy was her own family, self esteem, and chance at happiness.

In the words of a popular recent movie, she was "weighed, measured, and found wanting." She knows it. I know it. Rubbing her face in it would only diminish my victory. So if the response to the OW was supposed to be 25 words or less, I'm WAY under. (Of course, if the POST was supposed to be 25 words or less, I'm screwed...)

--------------------
BS, 29 WH, 29 HS Sweethearts
1 PA during engagement,
revealed 2 mos before wedding
Multiple EAs, 1 ONS, 1 coworker EA/PA, during 10 yr marriage.
D-day of both marital PAs 2/6/02.
WH ended EA/PA, quit job, sought out Christian counselor.

"For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind."
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Please go read that thread! You'll see that your feelings are justified, normal, and shared with other BSs in recovery...

Zebra, Oh how I remember feeling the same as you.
I dont know if you remember but I had to deal with this before. It wasnt an ow she was some girl he had a one time thing long before I knew my h. She had waited till the little girl was 4yrs old then wanted 40,000.00 in back child support. This was the dim wit that named her little girl my h first middle and last name. DNA proved no way was she his.
Oh I remember the joy then the anger. The need to contact her will pass. Someone had told me some real shi**ty thing she had said to this little girl after she found out her game didnt work, it was so bad it made me cry. I cant even remember what it was anymore but it was so cruel, like it was the kids fault that her mother was such a whore.
What I did was called up the proscuiting(dont think that spelled right) attorny and gave them the name of the guy that most likly was the father that helped some what. Thing was this sleeze had put on the court papers that she had been with no one else, must have been a flying sperm from outer space.
Ya know Z you would have thought that would have taught my h something. It didnt two yrs later another DNA and this time there was no getting out of it. Maybe the reason you guys were put through so much was to get you to where you are now at.
with love flowerseed

<small>[ July 07, 2002, 06:45 PM: Message edited by: flowerseed ]</small>

Sheesh! Between Heavenly, Jenny and BTDT and their amazing evolved, spiritual, generous and wonderful wisdom, sensitivity, I feel like mean ole Scarlett to their collective Melly. hahaha

But, they are right and I am absolutely wrong. Take the high road, Z, and let it go and praise the Lord. If you need to do something for closure, write her a letter and post it here if you don't want to send it, or burn it in effigy in a little ceremony closing the book on this chapter in your life. I seem to just fuel the fire with my petty anger at your needless suffering for so many months. It isn't up to me or to you to make her pay....that is God's call.

Heavenly said something that froze me dead in my tracks...something about (paraphrasing here)your ability to handle all the turmoil and heartache with dignity and grace and that you are being rewarded with this reprieve. Ouch. I haven't handled any of my dilemma well at all and I have wondered all along if my attitude is the reason why God or whatever force, is putting me through my paces and continues to do so. I guess none of us will know the truth or the reasons until we are all dead and moldering in our graves waiting for the Resurrection.

Praise the Lord God Almighty, King of Kings and Lord of Lords, for He shall reigneth forever and ever.

Love

Catnip =^^=

My God, now I remember why I come here. You guys are the most awesome group of women on the planet.

Gem, my arrival buddy: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are in peace now lady...remember 2000? UGH!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Heck yes I do ... and will never forget it. I bet all the red wine bottled in this year will taste like vinegar!

Jenny, </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We know you can turn a curse into a blessing. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are right, this whole curse has turned into a blessing. My husband and I are in love and work as one now. Our marriage was a lump of clay and the spinning of OW/OC has molded us into a work of art! Thank you for reminding me how awesome He is!

My dear BTDT: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">no amount of raging on your part will get you back that year of torment she played a part in causing in your marriage, in your emotions, in your life and the lives of your kids but I do know one thing--GOD CAN RESTORE IT ALL BACK TO YOU IF YOU DO IT HIS WAY!!!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are so right, nothing I can say to her will change what she did. And even after I vented to her, I'd still be pissed! So what's the purpose?? I have to do it the right way, His way. I can't taint his blessing with muck from satan.

Thank you sooooo very much for that link to the BS's post. It was just what I needed to hear. It reminded me exactly how blessed I am with an AWESOME husband, healthy beautiful children, a great job, a warm comfortable home, family and friends and the RESPECT of those who know me (even in cyberland)! She has none of that. As the gospel song says, "I got my mansion now, oh I believe, I believe just what He says!"

Flowersex, thank you for reminding me of your story. You are so right, I was given this burden to carry, to learn from it and grow from it. I would have never gotten this close to God had I not been thrown into this situation. It is the quentessential blessing in disguise.

My Heavenly, the voice of calm and reason. When I read your words I feel like there's a harp playing in the background. It's truely amazing.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You were focusing on your joy at the time, but I feared that with time and reflection your anger would surface. That is why I encouraged you to accept God's blessing with grace.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Your foresight is uncaney. And your words stuck with me. It is one of the major reasons I didn't just pick up that phone when I first got the urge and came back to MB instead. You are my heavenly guardian angel.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This was God's reward for softening your heart and letting Him guide you.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think you are right. I've tried so hard to tell other BS's stuggling with visitation, that it's not about giving in or giving up, it's about softening you heart and not making it a winner take all situation.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Personally, as long as I could do without the money, I would consider it a small price to pay for 18 years of financial freedom and, more importantly, for never having to lay eyes on the ex-OW again. That alone would be priceless.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Really how I feel about the money, she was a single mom with FOUR kids. If a woman lived next door to me and I saw her kids were hungry or without diapers I would have scrapped up the money just the same. That baby needed things and we supplied them. It was done out of obligation then, but now I consider it goodwill to a needy child. The child probably still needs now, but someone else is obligated. We are now just donating more to our church instead of giving it to her.

MO5 you hit the nail on the head: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I dont think she could say anything that would make you feel that she has made up for what she has done... I think she is thinking she better leave well enough alone and go away...
Take joy in that and move on with your life... You have been given a second chance... I say grab it and forget about her. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are right even an apology won't make up for the 1.5 years of hell I went through. I know that now. Thank you for your reminder.

Cali: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> when we live as He wishes for us... His rewards are GREAT</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">More and more each day as I continue my walk with Jesus I realize that his reward will continue to flow our way as long as I live according to his will.

lemonpie: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree with catnip. The OW wouldn't have a problem taking you to court. I also think if more BS did this and word got out that OW could be sued, I bet OW would at least would think twice about accusing someone if they aren't sure. I think OW could care less about a BS because they know there's no consequence for their actions. I didn't say OM because I personnally think men just don't think. (smile) Again, if you can sue her without damaging you relationship with your H, I say go for it. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">thank you for your words, but I really don't think that rehashing this whole ugliness in court is good for anyone involved. Just the fact that she'd have to hire a lawyer will take away from her children's needs. I WILL NOT be guilty of her same thoughtlessness when it comes to someone else's children. I will be the better person and consider the damage it will do to her family. I will take the higher road and be rewarded tenfold when I get to heaven!

Ah my fiesty Catnip, I save you for last:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">But, they are right and I am absolutely wrong. Take the high road, Z, and let it go and praise the Lord. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It takes a women of class and dignity to admit she was wrong. How I respect you for recognizing and admitting out loud. I like you have a habit of blurting out what my gut feels without running it by my head first. Isn't it beatiful that we have such a great community that we can learn from one another?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Heavenly said something that froze me dead in my tracks...something about (paraphrasing here)your ability to handle all the turmoil and heartache with dignity and grace and that you are being rewarded with this reprieve. Ouch. I haven't handled any of my dilemma well at all and I have wondered all along if my attitude is the reason why God or whatever force, is putting me through my paces and continues to do so.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Catnip, perhaps this is your calling to soften your heart. Doesn't mean you have to invite OW over for tea, but it does mean that you can forgive her in your heart. She doesn't even have to know you've forgiven her. It's between you and God. Just like Heavenly said, this is my reward for softening my heart ... something for you to consider. I know it's hard, but it's so easier on your spirit when you let it go!

Again ladies, thank you for walking me through. I knew I could count on you all to come out in full force. How blessed I am to have a community of women who through their own messes can lend solid words of comfort and advice.

I love you all,
Z. (wishing there was a heart gremlin to place here!)

<small>[ July 08, 2002, 08:30 PM: Message edited by: zebrababy ]</small>

Z

I think your signature already gave you your answer, with out all of us. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

you know what MO5, the Lord gave me you guys to remind me of just that.

Thanks again,
Z.

I didn't want to post this on Lemonpie's thread, but it caught my eye and reminded me why I get so hot when I read stuff like this.

CMiranda said:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know all too well, however, the ow and the mm have a relationship all it's own so to expect ow to come crawling to the bs is ridiculous! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I do wonder CM, what do you think about MY xOW, should she come crawling to me to apologize?

My H HAD a relationship with OW, and she tried to milk it for everything it was worth, even to the point of stealing her childs father from her for 1.5 years. Not to mention exposing my children to the results of their poor judgement. Thank God they are young and probably won't even remember them next year.

For my children she should apologize to me, at the butt naked minimum. She should crawl to me to apologize for lying about using condoms faithfully with her live in boyfriend and being 100% sure my H was the father of her child.

But she will not. Because like some posters, she refuses to think that she had any part in an offense to me or my children and she feels and/or shows no remorse. Because she and my H did it together, it somehow in her mind, relinquishes her of responsibility.

Yes, she had a responsibility to me and my kids. She is an adult, met me, saw me nursing my child, saw my child every day and persued (yes admittedly persued) my H. Even after he had recommitted to me and his family she repeatedly solicited him for sex.

I will not go into my H's responsibility. He has much, but the big difference is, he's sorry. She is not!

So no, I don't think it is "ridiculous" to expect my OW to apologize. She should crawl and grovel, but she won't. So I pray that at least she may muster up the courage to crawl and grovel to God.

Now ... I have completed my vent ... I feel better.

Z. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

<small>[ July 10, 2002, 12:44 AM: Message edited by: zebrababy ]</small>