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#813089 07/08/02 01:39 PM
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Tina
I am sorry your weekend was not good. But there is always hope for a future and even thought it may not seem like it now, Things have a way of working out.

My mother used to say God never gives you more than you can handle.. I used to just smile at her when she said it, But I have come to believe it is true. When I have been at my lowest, and thought I couldnt take any more, God made it ok and it got better.. wasnt always the answer I wanted, but It was better.
So try not to feel like you have no hope. SOMETIMES things change in a matter of moments.
Plan on doing something for your self and think about you for a change.. Might help.
any way a hug and a prayer for you.
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#813090 07/08/02 02:18 PM
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Mof5,
Thank you for caring, it has been the bright spot of my day.
Besides all this turmoil in my M, I have been dealing with a very ill mother. I visited her a few weeks ago and things were not going well, I knew this weekend there was a possibility of her going to hospital , she is in heart and kidney failure, and 85 years old. So I am having a hard time trying to get my priorities straightened out. Head back out west, stay home and wait and see? I am so torn up and no one for a sounding board.
H is so focused on his "oh poor me, I've tried for 14months and you are not over it yet" mode that he is failing miserably at giving me some emotional support. I too have made mistakes in the recovery process. Trying to incorporate 2OC in our M is very difficult. We have V once a week, and now he is feeling that isn't enough. I try to tell him that we have only been consistant in this schedule for 2 1/2 months, it will take time for me to get used to the idea of infants again. Our C are 19 and 23.
He informed me that this weekend that he never really resolved his feelings for OW, and he resents that he couldn't treat her as his friend for the past year. Still working together.
I am wondering if it is too late to completely start over and plan A.
Again thank you for caring.
Tina

#813091 07/08/02 02:42 PM
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You know neither my husband or my self is in the middle of an affair, But I like Plan A , what marriage couldnt do better with two people trying to show support and being kind to each other. SO i SAY GO FOR IT, And plan A like crazy, make him remember why he is home with you and not her.
I understand your concern about babies when you have not done the baby thing in forever.. XOM is in his mid 50's and his wife is almost 60, His children are my age in their thirties and her daughter is almost 40. so This was new for them as well.. I was a nervouse wreck first time they took my daughter haha
But they have done so well. AND they love having her over. But we dont have a set time, I let her go when he has free time to spend. He is away alot for work so I try and be accomadating.

I know dealing with two children must be such an emotional thing for you, my heart goes out to you. I think you should be proud you have done so well and stuck things out this far.
Men dont always think about things they say and do, They say things with out realising the effects it will have on their spouse.
I am sorry about your mother, I do know how hard that is and how much it takes a toll on you emotionally, My grandmother passed away not to long ago and found out my mother has alzhiemers and so we have been so busy with things like that as well.

I think visits with the children once a week are a big step for you and you should be commended. Maybe in time, you can handle more, when you have been able to process this and make heads or tails of it all.

I will tell you this.. I believe for a woman to do what you have done and accepted these two children as much as it hurts, has got to show your husband a tremendous amount of love and respect for him.

I am sorry he told you that this weekend, a definate NO NO, but you have to know he was at least trying to be honest with you. HONESTY is a good thing.
WHAT does he mean by friends? Just being polite when he exchanges children? or spending time out on the boat having a coke. There is a big difference in types of friendships.
I feel if I allowed XOM to be my friend in such that we confided and sought each other out for emotional support.. then we would end up right where we left off.. and he has made this clear... so I dont discuss personal issues with him, just daughter and I try not to be too chummy then either.
But I dont feel I am so vulnerable to an A that I would just fall for it either.

Please hang in there, AND plan A is a good idea.
scream and vent your heart out and then you wont do it with your husband.

#813092 07/08/02 02:44 PM
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I will say a prayer for your mom, and if you have the chance, then sit this aside and go see your mom.
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