This paragraph is a pre-script so to speak. As I wrote this post, I began to come to some pretty strong realizations - still short of a conclusion. But I still want to hear from anyone who can help shed light or comment from personal experience.

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I have been divorced three and a half years. My wife had an affair, and I was unable to reconcile her betrayal and all that went with it, with what I thought we had planned for our lives together.

She has had it rough since then as have I. We have tried to get back together before but did not. I have had one relationship with another woman, K that was leading toward marriage, but I pulled back. I still see her and her 8 year old daughter pretty regularly.

Now my ex-wife is in a tight spot and needs a place to live. I have room and I am sure my two daughters (15,17) who still live with me would like to have their home back "intact" and their two older siblings (20,22) proabably would as well - although I'm really just guessing on that.

I am not sure I can handle it emotionally. But if I do not try I am afraid I will experience more deep regret. I am torn between what I think my kids want and would benefit from and how much it would hurt K.

The heart ache is as real for me sometimes as it was five years ago. I struggle with how to deal with the damage that she did to our kids' lives. She says things like "this is how it is and we have to deal with it" but in my view she acknowledges no responsibility for it - and it has been deep and bitter for them. And although they have lived with me, I blame her.

I know I am the one who has to decide this for myself, but I would sure appreciate hearing your words.

Malachi 3:17

Questions:

Is your wife still in contact with the affair partner? Or is that completely ceased?

The move back with you would be based on -- what? Financial need? Convenience? Is that it?

Do you still have any feelings of love for your ex?

Would you still be "divorced" - meaning, are you both free to see other people? (You mentioned a relationship with "K" and her 8 yr old daughter.)

If the move back in is to restore an "intact home and family," is your wife willing to agree to have marriage counseling with the Harleys before you plan for her to move back in?

Your kids would like having Mom on tap, but please think about how the next few years will unfold. If you continue a relationship with another woman and her child, and if your wife is now your roommate and sometime lover and sometime "free spirit" who is open to dating other men, think of the behavior your children are likely to mimic.

It's not a good model for them in forming their own families.

But like you said, you have your own realizations. And nobody on the Boards is paying your rent. What's your conclusion?