My H came home for a talk today. We had our counseling session today and I thought he wanted to discuss it. I was wrong. He wanted to tell me that he has been back into relationship with OW for the past month.

<small>[ August 05, 2002, 02:07 PM: Message edited by: Tina71 ]</small>

Hi. I'm new to this and needed to post my story. I just found out 3 months ago that my husband was having an EA with a co-worker. (He claims it was only an emotional affair but I sometimes wonder if there was any sex involved also). We have have a 3 year old daughter and I am 6 months pregnant with our second. His affair started shortly after 9/11. He had been friends with the OW and was stuck in Chicago with her during 9/11. They had to drive back to NYC and it took them 2 days longer than expected. When he came home he put our plans for another child on hold and told me he was severely depressed (due to 9/11). I didn't think anything of their relationship. Come to find out that they have been having an intense emotional relationship for 7 months. This only after I caught him not in his room all night during a business trip in April with her. He claims they were up all night in the lobby dissolving the relationship -- in part because he had just found out I was pregnant with #2. Now we are in counseling; he says I am all he wants and that it is over with the OW -- yet he works with her on a daily basis (talks to her constantly, etc.) I am still not comfortable with their "business" relationship. I don't know what to believe anymore. I don't trust him; I'm hurt and a part of me believes that I'm only staying for our children.

Oh Tina!!!!!! Oh no.
{{{{{{{{{{{Tina}}}}}}}}}}}
I am so sorry. What a tragedy, after all your hard work.

Michelle, you ought to try posting your own post (New Post, not Reply to), and since your H has not fathered a child by the Other Woman, you may get more replies on the General Affairs board via Infidelity (see top of page). I'm sorry for your pain during what should be the joy of your life: another child. I too was pregnant when I found out @my H's affair (but he also got OW pregnant). This "pregnancy" board is for people dealing with a pregnancy that is a result of an affair, rather than an affair during a pregnancy (if you see what I mean). Marriage Builders is a GREAT place to re-build an affair-proof marriage. I wish you blessings in your recovery!!!!

TINA, again, I'm so sorry. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

J
in recovery 4 years and happy

Tina....I'm soooooo sorry......there isn't anything I can say to comfort you...please know that I'm here for you and will send HUGE prayers and hugs your way...

My heart aches for you....
((((Hugs))))
Twiisty

Tina
I am so sorry this happened, I will add you to my prayers, Please take time to process this before making rash decisions.
I am sorry he did this to you.
Please know we are thinking of you.
Big hug <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Thank you all for your thoughts.
This has been a very sad night.
Tina

I really am sorry this has happened to you after you opened your heart up so much. I wish I could help.

Tina,

I am so very sorry that your H did this to you again. My dday was 4 months ago and I know how you are feeling. I am trying to listen to my heart and praying to God for answers, please do the same. I will say a prayer for you too...

Tina71,
My thoughts and prayers are with you tonight.

I will pray for your peace and hope you attain it soon.

Sheeze! I'll never get used to hearing this kind of news.
love
Debi

Dear Tina,

I am so sorry that this happen to you. You have work so hard trying to restore your marriage.

I do understand the pain you are feeling.

I found out from ow, that h had resume their relationship, when he used to see oc behind my back. I only thought that he had just that one night stand back in March 2001, which result in another pregnancy.

This is a major set back, and very painful.
You feel hopeless at the moment. You can never imagine that something like this can happen again, when you have try so hard to save your marriage.

Whatever you decide, just know that we are here for you.

MB has help me keep my sanity at times.

prayers and hugs

mina

<small>[ July 10, 2002, 09:33 PM: Message edited by: mina29 ]</small>

Tina,

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I just wanted you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Unsure

I'm mad and sad and shocked for you, Tina71...

But your situation is not hopeless. Your husband may seem hopelessly addicted at this point, but I believe that there is still hope for your marriage. Much will depend on what your H is willing to do--poop or get off the pot. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> And, how much more of this behavior you can take. Is it time for Plan B? Do you still have any love left for the man? If so, you need to preserve it. Plan B is to let the WS know that you need for the affair to END if the marriage is to continue, and no contact in order to protect what love you have left for the WS? Does Plan B sound like an option for you?

I'm so shocked by this news. I know this doesn't matter much, but sounds like OW is equally frustrated with your H... *sigh* <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Let's pray: Father God, you are with Tina and you know how lost she feels right now. We pray for Your perfect will to be done in this situation. Please comfort Tina and hold her in Your loving arms and let her feel Your presence throughout this difficult, dark circumstance in her life. I ask that you hide her underneath the shadow of Your wings where no fear can touch her as You promised in Psalm 91. In Jesus' Name, amen.

Tina, my heart goes out to you. I can not imagine having that pain of betrayal again. You will most certainly be in my thoughts and prayers.

(((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))

Take care,
Why

<small>[ August 05, 2002, 02:08 PM: Message edited by: Tina71 ]</small>

Tina,

I'm really sorry to see this turn of events as well. How "plan based" is your current counselor? If they're not focused on specific steps to help insure that this won't happen again (that is---they focus more on feelings), would you (and h) be willing to do counseling with the Harley's? Steve's pretty good at putting together no-nonsense plans for spouses to prevent this thing from happening again, assuming that both spouses are willing to participate.

I'll be keeping you in my prayers.

<small>[ August 05, 2002, 02:08 PM: Message edited by: Tina71 ]</small>

Tina, I just wanted to take a moment to tell you how very sorry I am at this latest turn of events.

Please don't let this tear you all the way down. I know you will have to relive that grieving and anger period as with first D-day. But take it from me .... you can survive another d-day! I did!

My husband ended up having an emotional affair (that was quite stronger than the PA he had with the mother of OC) and that d-day was heartbreaking to say the least. I felt like my guts had been torn from my body. I rocked with anger and sadness. I cried for days straight ... because unlike the first d-day, my H didn't seem to think he had a choice in the matter. He felt like this was o.k. because his heart led him there. Like it was pure or something. Just him speaking those words made me want to spit fire at him!

I can tell you that it pushed me into concrete plans for Plan B. I started making arrangements on how I would live my life without him. That and the grace of God touching his heart saved our marriage and woke him up.

I prayed like a maniac. Just like I prayed for OC not to be H's. God touched my H's heart and woke him up to see what he'd be loosing if he let his life with me slip through his fingers.

I'll be praying for you too.
Z.

Thank you for your reply Zebrababy. It is comforting to know that you have lived through a 2nd. d-day and are on the way to complete recovery. I am only praying now that OW isn't pregnant with 3OC. Then my life will be doomed. There will be no accepting this. I would think that we would know within a few weeks since PA stopped a few weeks ago.

What a horrible nightmare this is.

Thank you for caring. You all are my hugs I so desparately need now.

tina

Tina, I am so sorry for this turn of events. I think your H has not been willing to let go at all of his life with OC including the OW. This proves it. Perhaps, as my H, he is addicted to her and all the drama.

I think it is time you make some ultimatums-he has done nothing to make you want to give in to him. I think you should decide what type of counseling you want, and perhaps going via the Harley's would be the way to go.Steve has managed to connect with my H, in ways other counselors just infuriated him. I think he could reach your H.

Please let us know what H says about his renewed contact with OW/What is his explanation?

I will be here for you.

Dear Tina,

I was so sorry to read this latest setback in the recovery of your marriage. Like Z, my H also had an EA after the ex-OW and OC. I know how awful it feels when you have been trying so hard to understand and trust only to have the same thing happen again.

I have not done counselling with Dr. Harley but so many on here have had wonderful results. I hope you will consider it even if only for yourself if your H won't try it at first.

Like many others have said, don't make any major decisions why your feelings are so hurt and raw. Think carefully about what you really want and try to get your H talking and keep him talking. It is so important to open up those lines of communication.

We are all pulling for you here. Take good care of you -- allow yourself to experience the pain and grief you are feeling so that you can get those feelings out.

Make sure you give us regular updates on how you are feeling. You have so many loving friends here who are willing to help you through this awful time. I will add extra prayers for you.

love,
heavenly