Me 35, W 33, Two S 12 & 6. M 10, Pre-M 5.
Bomb 3 Weeks ago (LYBNILWY) by Wife; caught totally offguard- no legal divorce mentioning yet.
Still living together BUT she is ED.
Did the begging, pleading, why's, balling, etc (hey I was dumb-founded and un-educated as to what was happening.

Tried techniques from books & articles from library/internet. Things were neutral at least and I was working hard at things (Smalley's Book and Davis's DR book), UNTIL...I was bent on the idea that she was having an affair. Two days ago, after she went up to bed, I had a near-nervous breakdown, and felt I just had to find something out. So, stupidly, I rummaged through her purse to see if I could find something (my mind was screwed up at that point from lack of sleep/food/overwheming thoughts, etc). Unknowingly, she came back downstairs to get something, and CAUGHT me in the act. I blurted out that I felt she was cheating on me and was trying to find something. OOOOOO boy. Satan was definately in control there. In the 15 years I've known her, I NEVER ever snooped or was jealous once. But after the bomb and all, I was not my usual self, and she broke MY trust in our marriage, so I HAD to know what was going on. I truly believe now that there was/is no physical affair (yet).
My question is, after being caught snooping, is THAT type of a Love Buster, under the circumstances, truly the end now - should I just surrender all?

Surrender all? Just like that? Hell, no! You have kids to consider.

So you snooped. So did I. So have a lot of spouses who got the standard issue ILYBNILWY babble.

Okay, so now you know that pleading, bargaining, begging, love busting don't work. And you suspect an EA (emotional affair) and your wife is ED (emotionally divorced) from you.

Head over the the Plan A Plan B section of the boards and immerse yourself. And quickly, before you even do that, make sure you're taking care of your grooming. We BS's lose sight of the most basic things while our hearts are breaking. Bad breath, BO, flaky dandruff on the shoulders, all very unappealing to a fogged in wayward spouse.

First thing, if you haven't eaten yet, grab a piece of fresh fruit (apple, orange or banana) and eat that. Shower, put on fresh clothes (your spiffiest ones) and deoderant, and brush your teeth.

THEN, head over to Plan A and Plan B. You will find support here.

Harley says that the I love you but I'm not in love you speech is given by a person who recognizes they are not in love with you because they are in love with someone else.

I could have saved myself a whole lot of trouble if I had followed Harley's advice, two weeks after the first kiss, and called the woman's husband. Eight months later, I did, and that's how the affair came out.

Assume there is an affair. The fact that you are jealous and snooping is a fair indication that there has been a change. Then show affection and care, especially at her work place. She's possibly arguing to some lover that you don't care about her. Flowers?

The sooner the exposure, the better. GQ II has the most posters, so that might be a good place to go.

Cherished