I was just curious if anyone had watched Dateline last night? Sailorman and I watched it, and, to be honest, the main story really pi$$ed me off! For those of you who didn't watch it, it was about this couple who'd gotten D'd, and due to one of the 4 children having a genetic problem(CF I believe), the father got tested to see which type of CF he was a carrier for. Well, turns out, he's not a carrier, and the only way to get it is if both parents are carriers! This led to getting DNA on all 4 children. Turns out the oldest(a girl) is the only biological child for this man! He went back to court to get CS reversed, and the court refused! There's a whole lot of other stuff, but the xW was saying that the xH was just abandoning the kids, after the court ordered him to have no more contact(due to the boys finding out that they weren't xH's bio-kids and xH going to their school after being called about it!) and, of course, all the kids, who live with xW, believe that's just what he's done!

I thought of you, ULA, and also an older poster, whom I haven't seen on the boards in forever, Ronman! I also thought of CM's H, as he doesn't know about the baby not being his! The pain that everyone has gone through could have been avoided, if the truth had been revealed from the beginning!

CM, I am not trying to attack you, it just brought you to mind as you still haven't told your H what has happened. I know that it is a scary thing to even contemplate, but just think of how it could end up if something like this does happen! You really do need to tell your H so he can decide what he wants to do! He has that right, and as I've said before, he may surprise you and continue with your M and being the best Daddy your S could ever have! The biggest thing is, you really need to let him decide if that's what he wants to do, not "trap" him into it by not saying anything till it's too late. And I am not saying that's what you are trying to do. I know how you have agonized about telling your H, but I still stand by honesty is best, no matter the outcome! The only way to even come close to "making it better" it to be honest, and go from here. Again, please don't take this as an attack, because I do not mean it to be that way. It's just my opinion on your situation.

I was just wondering if anyone else had seen it, or had any comments about the story.

Tigger

I remember a program like this, However the children were older and he had been in there life all this time as their father and that is why the courts did not reduce his child support, because it was not beneficial to just stop being dad out of the middle of no where. when he had for years and wanted to continue being so.
But I didnt see this program last night, seems I dont get to watch tv around here,. 5 tvs in this big ole house and I never get to watch one. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I think cm while she may decide to tell her husband has been scared by all the negativity talk and she worries what this may do to her child. And yes it would be good to share with her husband, I am sure when she is able she will do just that.
These are all difficult choices.. I am sure all those husbands who went home and told their wives, thought long and hard about it first and some would have kept it a secret forever if they thought they could.
I dont think cm will consider this an attack.. just a concern that I am sure she is aware of. WE all need support and courage to handle certain things.

hello,
My H and I watched it. And it really pissed me off too. Especially, the ex-wife saying that she did not think this OM was the father and she was having sex with him. This would all have been avoided if she would have come clean. ANd now her childern suffer. I also thought about CM. My H thought since the husband was invloved from the beginning that he should have stayed in these boys lives.

I disgree about not allowing the bio-dad in their lives if that is what he wants. And would it be benefical for medical reasons to know who their bio-dad is because one of them as CF.

Of course, I said that he has not done anything about finding out about OC. But he did not say anything after that. I thought it might have let him to saying fine I will take the DNA test.

Dawn

The problem is that until our 'enlightened' representatives see the horrible injustice in letting these 'wives' play not only with the lives and futures of their husbands but of their childrens as well, this will continue to be just one of many tragic stories.

These 'wives' are no better than the 'husbands' that have an OC with an OW, but at least there are laws that criminally punish these 'husbands' for failing to financially support their EMA offspring. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

<small>[ July 21, 2002, 02:07 AM: Message edited by: TooMuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

Do I understand this:

The guy is court-ordered NOT to see the children because he is not the bio-dad, but he still has to pay ch-support??????

There is sooo much ugliness; Lord help us....

Jenny,

This guy believed for years(I think the youngest was 6 at the time of the D, and subsequent discovery) that these kids were his, and even had won custody, which was reversed due to his job keeping him away from the home for too long to be able to care for the kids. So, custody went back to the woman, and he was ordered to pay CS. Then, after the test for CF on himself came back, and he got the test for DNA, and found out that only his oldest was his, he wanted to get the CS either reversed or lowered. The judge threw out his case(statute of limitations) and his DNA evidence and the man was ordered not to tell the kids that he was not their bio-dad, and if he did, he could loose visitation! A little while later, the boy's school called, and said that due to this story being in the tabloids, they had found out, and were in the office, upset. The school wanted the "father" to come talk to the boys. Of course, any loving parent, bio or not, would want their children to understand what was going on! That's how this guy lost visitation but still has to pay CS.

I think the thing that got me the angriest is that the woman claims it was an open relationship to begin with. That her xH knew of the OM(s), and the possiblilty that NONE of their children were his(remember only the girl was his, the 3 boys were not), and she's twisted this all around to the kids that their dad doesn't want to have anything to do with them, even though it was court ordered! She has taken NONE of the blame for the kids pain, or for what she did to her family! She doesn't even want the OM(s) tested to see who the boy's father really is(are)! Oh, and he can't even see his bio-daughter because of this co!

Ok, I'll calm down now, just got a little hot under the colar there! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

That's just to help those who didn't see the show, but were curious.

Love,

Tigger

Some states, some people, some groups are making alittle progress in this area of non-bio dads having to pay CS.

A couple weeks ago, I read an article about new legislation pending on court mandated CS. I wish I could research EXACTLY what it said but I was able to look up part of the article..

"MEN FIGHTING FALSE CLAIMS OF PATERNITY
FAMILY: STATE LAWS WOULD TERMINATE MANDATORY CHILD SUPPORT IF DNA PROVES THEY AREN'T BIOLOGICAL DADS.

Armed with the latest in genetic technology, aggrieved men across America are attacking a centuries-old legal doctrine that has forced them to pay child support even after they belatedly discover they are not the child's biological father.

Georgia enacted legislation in May allowing a man to stop paying court-ordered support if DNA tests prove he did not father the child in question. A similar bill has reached the California Senate after clearing the state Assembly."

That's all it will allow me to pull up since I am not a paying member of that website. However, I do remember from the article that the bill pending in Calif goes beyond discontinuing CS. It also requests reimbursement of past CS payments if determined that the child is not the dads. It also requests jail time for any woman that names a man the father if she KNOWS there is reason for a doubt as to actual paternity.

"she's twisted this all around to the kids that their dad doesn't want to have anything to do with them, even though it was court ordered!"
"...and he can't even see his bio-daughter because of this co!"

Tigger, it's the sort of thing to make ya cry. It's evil, evil.

It hope the laws change as Nerly is describing. The publicity should help.

Prayers,
J

Not in Ohio girls! A man who suspects his w was unfaithful can have dna and sign off cs if c isn't his.

Happened in 1998. Got our laws changed here.

Good grief, has everyone lost their minds?
Oh well......

love
Debi