I have been married to my wife for 16 months now and my desire to be with her started to fade about 6 months ago. I am not sure what has made me think differently about her, but it seems that I am falling out of love with her and it's like I try to rationalize things in my mind constantly to come up with an excuse why we are not right for each other then I analyze again to convince myself why we are right for each other. (Are you confused as I am?) I've told her of the problems I was having several months ago and my mind is at somewhat of an ease for a few days everytime we talk about it but then my personal struggle seems to come back and I just analyze and analyze my thoughts about what the problem is. I think I've narrowed it down to a couple of problems, with the biggest being sexual fulfillment. I am always thinking that I could be with someone else that I would be attracted to physically like I want to be, while having the same sort of friendship that my wife and I have. On the flip side I believe that my wife could find someone that would treat her the way she would want a husband to treat her. She tells me that I am a good husband and that she thinks that she is partly at fault for the way that I am feeling b/c she used to tell me things like "it'd be nice if you told me you love me" or "that's the first affection you've shown me in a week" or other little petty stuff. Sometimes when she wants to hug me or kiss me I almost feel like I'm being forced into doing it but other times I'm ok with giving her a hug or kiss. Our sexual desires are on the other ends of the spectrum with mine being very high. I am always thinking about other women and what it be like to be with them and she seems like she wouldn't have a problem if we never had sex again. She doesn't have orgasms unless we have oral and when we have sex she never seems to enjoy it very much and has even told me that it does not "feel that great" and that basically she enjoys the fact that I like sex. I've even prayed that my sexual fantasies and desires would go away so then I wouldn't be frustrated and confused on what I want. It's like I'm missing something and I am constantly confused with what to do. I feel that I am at fault here and that I would be the one to blame and I don't want to be ridden with guilt if we do not survive. She is a good wife to me, would never cheat on me, lets me have my own space and freedom, has sex whenever I want but it's like I take this stuff for granted because I am looking for something more sexually. I just don't know what to do for I have not been happy and I don't want to waste her life or mine if eventually we're not going to make it. I used to want kids soon after marriage but since these problems started ocurring I have not thought about kids since. Anyone would want to have a wife like this but maybe she is just not for me. Then again I think to myself that there may be nobody else but her out there for me? Some other negatives that I think are contributing to my thoughts are: We did not live together before marriage. I am an agressive, strong willed person and she is extremely passive unless it is an argument against me. I feel that sometimes she is not on my team, I don't get that feeling of "we're a family". She could care less how her physique is and I always try to stay lean and trim with workouts.

I need some advice from someone who has experienced similar problems.
Thanks

Jack,

This is a tough situation.

Think for a moment: what were the things about your wife that made you fall in love with her? What did you like about her?