I am feeling so guilty. I have a beautiful new healthy daughter that we waited 16 years for. My H has been so good with her, he is practically glowing with pride.

The problem? When I look at him I feel nothing. I used to be so attracted to him, worked my butt off to win him back after his affair, etc. It just dawned on me the other day, I feel numb. It's like I've lost my feelings for him.

I feel terrible. I'm hoping other people have felt this way and will tell me it's just hormones. Our baby is 6 weeks old.

I know I'm tired, but not terribly. She won't nurse so I'm pumping my milk every 2 hours and I'm sure that's wearing me out too.

Anyway, I just thought I'd see if anybody here can relate.

Maggie,

I'm a little at a loss as to what to say. I know that you are still in the recovery phase, as you only found out a year ago, and full recovery usually takes about 2, so you are half way there.

When you say that you've lost your feelings for him is that physically or emotionally? If it's physical, you can defiantely attribute that to the new baby(congratulations to you as well since we've had a baby boom with the members here). You may not feel that tired, but having had 3 of my own, I know exactly what that can do to you! My advice if it's that is to make sure you get as much rest as you can! When the baby naps, take one yourself. Turn the phone ringers off, tv off, have the house completely quiet, and get yourself some rest!

If you feel that it is both emotional and physical, you need to really look at how you really feel! Is your H spending more time with the new baby than with you? That can cause some tension that you may not realize. If you talk to him about it now, it will keep it from getting worse later on! I'm not saying that he needs to spend less time with his new daughter, but more time with you.

I hope that I was able to help, if even just a little!

Tigger

maggierose,

Is this your first child? It sounds like yes, and I'm thinking that you may be more exhausted than you realize.

As much as I love our children ( <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> !!!), adjusting to our firstborn was pretty dramatic to our marriage. It's a Huge transition from couple to three-some. Caring for a new baby is very tiring! That's normal.

As for pumping every two hours, I only had to do that for 48 hours, one time, and I still remember it as *ell. I was swollen (babies usually do much better than any pump!) and literally crying from pain, the exhaustion of pumping, cleaning the bottles and gear, AND caring for a newborn, plus recovery from C-section. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Please check with www.lalecheleague.org or your local leader for ideas for getting your baby back to the breast. It may take a some work and devotion at first, but in the long run, it sure is a lot easier than pumping! It would be good to not use artificial nipples if you want her to return to nursing; (you can use droppers or syringes in the transition back to breast).

Your feelings can't help but be affected by your tiredness, hormones, and adjustment to a new member. Your sweet girl will all be worth it in the long run <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> , but be gentle with yourself and H; if you and H are living by the MarriageBuilder principles, you can't help but be in love with him again eventually. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> (Praise him for being so good with the baby; appreciation is big with men. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

Congradulations on your baby!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
This board's on a (baby) ROLL!
J
in recovery 4 years and glad I stayed

<small>[ July 20, 2002, 12:44 PM: Message edited by: Jenny ]</small>

mrose,,,, i don't think your problem is hormones or a least not entirely as i am the h of a ws. for me my heart feels empty of emotions for her. sort of numb as you said. i care very much whether i hurt her or not and do my best not to although i know that i do some lbing sometimes when she asks me how i am feeling. i am giving it some time and hopeing that things are as everyone here says "that it just takes time." one thing that has been happening in our recovery is that she says she can feel my indifference and tells me that she wants me to show her more emotion. this causes me to withdraw my emotions somewhat as i feel she is pushing me somewhere i am not ready to be at this time. her a was during the spring of 2001 and our oc was born 12/2001. i have tried letting her know this and have asked her not to try and rush my recovery. my point is try not to push yourself back where your emotions are concerned. i believe that if you give them some time they will return and most likely be stonger then ever. good luck, pops