My D-day was 8 months ago and I'm still depressed and crying at times. Sometimes I wonder if there is a miracle pill that can help. Any one ever taken Paxil or Celestra? I don't want to become dependant. I feel like if I've survived this long
why do I need something now? HELP! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I want to know the same thing. However, I will say, from those who posted on my thread who recommended it, said it helped.

Do you go to your doctor, tell them what is going on and ask for them? How do you do this. Will it interfere in my alertness?

You may have 'made it' this long, but if you're crying and depressed, have you really made it? I can personally say that without antidepressants, I probably wouldn't be married anymore. They really helped me to cope and not do anything drastic during my H's affair. I did not get 'hooked' on the, any more than I do my thryoid pills that I need.

My dr. really wanted me to take them and I resisted. They really helped me, and in the long run our marriage.

There is NO miracle pill out there. But for me, the medication helped me not to dwell on the negative. It also helped the awful images of my H and the OW to not stay in my head as long.

Everybody is different. I thank God I had the medication when I needed it.

Because I'm just kind of cranky and mean anyway, I opted for not taking anything. It's been nearly four years for me and I still cry sometimes. It doesn't bother me to cry. I find it kind of cleansing and a way to get rid of my grief. And my crying now isn't the shoulder shaking sobs of 1998 and 1999...they are an occaasional tear just rolling down my cheek. I can handle that.

But, if you are experiencing depression of unbelievable magnitude or if you think your depression is not just "situational" depression, then taking meds is a good idea to balance that delicate brain chemistry to get through the days and night (especially the nights) of despair.

Maybe I am a masochist but I believe in feeling the full force of my pain and riding the tide until it lessens, thereby getting rid of it sooner and not just putting a band aid on it, But then, that's the way I like to do it and find it very effective for me.

Do what you need to do for yourself but allow yourself to get through all the stages of grief to heal.

Catnip =^^=

I went on Zoloft for about 4 months. It was not addicting and it helped me get over "the hump". I am not sure I would have survived without it. My "aha" moment was when I was talking with my therapist and he asked if I thought of suicide. I said yes, and then he asked me if I had thought of how I was going to do it. I stated that I was going to use carbon monoxide...and then I started bawling and said...but I don't have a garage. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> That's when he prescribed Zoloft.

I laugh about it now...just because it all seems so surreal. I stopped taking the medicine about 4-5 months after I started and it was no big deal. I was just happy to be functioning without those overwhelming negative feelings.

Everyone is different, but it helped me greatly.

I've thought about taking Anti-D's but am worried they will affect my job. I need to be very focused and am worried they might affect my judgement and so on. Is this the case? Have they affected your work? Do the side effects pass when you start taking them?

Ben.

Just be aware that everyone's body chemistry is different and it may take some time to find a med that works for you. I had to try at least 4 before I found one that worked. Zoloft completely took away my appetite and I lost 10 lbs in 2 weeks. It did nothing for my depression. Paxil made me EXTREMELY suicidal. Not quite what I was looking for. Celexa was what finally worked for me. My sister was on it and it was working very well for her so my doctor figured genetically speaking that it would probably work for me also.
If you can find one that works for you it does help you deal with things much better.

Hey, maybe Zoloft could help with depression AND weight loss-truly a miracle pill <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I have wondered the same thing--Some of you know I am pursuing my Master's in Counseling (just orderd my regalia, baby!) and I wonder about this for myself and my clients.

How much is chemical, and how much is situational? Is it appropriate to take a pill to get through depression that has a clear environmental cause? When you do, are you ignoring your feelings and leaving yourself unable to cope in the future, or is it just easier to work on the issues if you have a handle on the swinging emotions. Seems like the answer is, uh, depends on the person.

And BTW--anyone besides me have PMS for two weeks? I'm starting to feel like catnip--maybe my H was right all along and I am just a big fat B*&#*. Ack.

Good topic!
EJ

I went almost 9 months from D-day without anti-depressents...I, like catnip, wanted to feel the full force of my pain and "go through it"...what did it for me, was I was talking to dinobon's Psychiatrist as well as our MC and due to other circumstances in my life, it was determined that I was seriously depressed. I started zoloft in March and by the third day of taking it, Mr."T" and my best friend said it was like a 180 turn.

I lost weight in the beginning with zoloft and it didn't affect my concentration and because I was nursing my son (and still am) zoloft was safe to take. It is used by OB's to treat PPD also.

I gained 7 pounds since then, but I attributed it to eating all those hoagies, soft pretzels and tastykakes from Philadelphia during my vacation! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I agree with what one poster said, everybody's bodie chemistry is different and I would recommend talking to your doctor or counselor to find out what works for you.

It helped me. I was able to "think" before I reacted emotionally. It really cut down on alot of extra emotions on my part, but it doesn't "numb" me or make me a zombie. You don't lose your personality or anything and it doesn't "numb" you. It just makes you think and you feel better about yourself....it's hard to put into words.

I hope you find something that works for you, if you choose to follow that path and you don't really need to be on it for forever.

Hugs and prayers,
Twiisty

EJmom2B, tell your H to watch those disrespectful judgements. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

All the oldies know it already, so I might as well share my story. 5 weeks after D-day I went into a psychiatric hospital for a week for depression and rage. I spent the next five weeks in a "day hospital" program--I slept at home but went to the day program 8 hours a day.

I have never experienced such rage in my life--I truly thought I might kill him. Looking back, I wish I had moved to a hotel temporarily to give us some space, but I had always heard "Don't let the sun set on your anger" and that couples who spend even a night apart in anger rarely get back together. Since divorce wasn't my goal I felt I had to stay in the same house with him.

So, did anti-depressants help? Well, I had been on them for a few weeks before D-day. We had just hosted our boys from Russia and they had just returned to Russia. We knew we were going to adopt them and the separation and knowing that they were returning to a 3rd world orphanage was very difficult for me. So, being on them did not prevent the very real crash of D-day. I got mad at my shrink and fired him and ran out of anti-depressants. About a week later is when I wound up in the hospital. I had massive suicide plans and had been gun shopping trying to buy a hand gun over the internet. I knew it was time to check in to the hospital. I went voluntarily.

H was very, very angry at me. Thought going to the hospital made me "weak." I think it was the best thing I have ever done for myself.

They started me back on an anti-depressant, but this time on Effexor. It worked like a charm. Within 5 days I was able to read and concentrate again. I was able to eat again w/in about 8 days. (I hadn't eaten for a full five days before going to the hospital.) They also prescribed a small dose of a tranquilizer--Klonopin.

As to addiction, there is no addiction to antidepressants. Addiciton implies tolerance and an ever increasing need for the drug. However, coming off of the it was very difficult. I was sick and nauseas for a week each time we stepped down my dose (about 6 months after I went on it.) I had no problems coming off of the Klonopin, which is addictive.

They do not make you stoned. They improve rather than remove concentration. I did not feel altered in any way except that I was no longer depressed and suicidal. I thought clearly, I ate and slept well. I felt much more like myself. I did not use them to hide from my problems. They aren't hypnotics--they don't take away your memories. They make it possible to deal with an overwhelming grief.

Speaking just for myself, one or both of us would have been dead without them.

MJ

MJ--

Thank you for sharing that painful story with us newbies, it takes a lot of courage and strength to be able to say things like that out loud.

You know, I do think that I am lucky in that, while my H does feel angry and upset when I rage at him, he, for the first time ever, has been addressing my rage appropriately--in counseling, honestly and lovingly asking me to not be so mad. The B(*#@ stuff was from "before".

You know, I've always been anti-anti-depressants (lol) for situational factors, but maybe it is just the thing needed for clarity in thought and action at those times. In fact, I wonder if anyone is studying the advantage of using a brief course of drugs, kind of like a brief run of steroids when you have a migraine or something.

Hmmm, almost makes me want to get my PhD. ALMOST!
EJ

Dear Tryin,

I am sorry, I couldn't help myself. I just about fell out of my chair laughing when you told your carbon monoxide story. I had four plans--I was gun shopping, I had a stash of pills, I was storing up home cleaning products, and I was trying to figure out how I was going to fill up our huge garage with enough fumes to kill myself. Our garage is a huge barn of a building. Two stories high, multiple cars, staircase into the house--huge. Think of Sabrina tyring to take herself out in the old B&W version of the movie.

When I went to the hospital the admitting nurse asked me why I didn't just divorce? I said it would end our adoption efforts. He said "So would your suicide." That made no sense to me at all until he said "If you are dead you can't adopt." Talk about a Duh moment.

MJ

<small>[ July 24, 2002, 03:08 PM: Message edited by: MaryJanes ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by EJmom2B:
<strong>Hey, maybe Zoloft could help with depression AND weight loss-truly a miracle pill <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I have wondered the same thing--Some of you know I am pursuing my Master's in Counseling (just orderd my regalia, baby!) and I wonder about this for myself and my clients.

How much is chemical, and how much is situational? Is it appropriate to take a pill to get through depression that has a clear environmental cause? When you do, are you ignoring your feelings and leaving yourself unable to cope in the future, or is it just easier to work on the issues if you have a handle on the swinging emotions. Seems like the answer is, uh, depends on the person.

And BTW--anyone besides me have PMS for two weeks? I'm starting to feel like catnip--maybe my H was right all along and I am just a big fat B*&#*. Ack.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">1. Get me that pill

2. Congratulations of your new venture

3. Yes, yes, yes. Situational versus chemical imbalance. For example, I can get deadly depressed...for about a day at the most these days. But, something has to trigger it, like bad news...like finding out that your H ...never mind. Eventually I snap out of it.

My husband, Bipolar Bear, has this enormous chemical imbalance where he needs to take mega doses of neurontin twice a day or he immediately becomes psychotic. On the meds, he is right as rain.

4. My crankiness is a weird side effect of the trauma over the last four years and has nothing to do with pms. I was never like this before. My daughter thinks I am a hilarious curmudgeon so I guess I am not too toxic. Most of all I am really loving to Bipolar because he is grieving these days. I think I take out all my angst on everyone but him because he can't handle it right now.

You're great to have around, EJ

catnip =^^=

While I think some anti depressants are very helpful, there are many things you can do for your self that will help with out.
You can take a walk every day

Go running every day,

Sit in the sunshine a little every day.

Get support from family and friends.

Eating right

these are simple things that can help with out the drugs.

But if you feel you need something else by all means discuss with your DR.
I have taken trazadone and zoloft... trazadone puts you to sleep and you wake up feeling like a hang over, not a good feeling,
zoloft seems to help, and I didnt notice any side effects...
But I go walking every day and that does wonders...

Tryin and MaryJane,

I almost burst out laughing too. I don't know if my thoughts were actually suicidal, except that I wanted the pain to go away. I didn't plan anything, except beg god to end it for me. Then I apologized because I didnt' want OW being near my children, there is not much I can do from 6 feet under to prevent H from introducing kids to OW

Today I'm some better, so I don't know if I need them or not, but I still want to sleep the mornings away, but I didn't today. I have many projects I have to tackle and I don't have the desire.

EJ,

I too wonder about short term programs of anti-depressants.

I took Wellbutrin for a couple of months. Man did it help me through the blow of finding out my H had an emotional affair with our best friend/mediator. This all after d-day of OW/OC.

Jordy, the best way I can describe it is ... you know that sad emotional feeling you have before your period ... that will still be there if something goes wrong. Where before if something went wrong it would rock you into histerics and earth shattering sobbing. You know the kind of sobbing where your nose runs and you can't catch your breathe?

For me I still felt the pain of what was going on around me, but it seemed to temper it.

As for alertness. I was worried too. My job requires me to be "on my game" at all times. But to be honest ... I wasn't on my game when my mind was always thinking about the drama at home.

Being on the Wellbutrin allowed me to turn home off while at work.

I felt in control of my emotions while on it. Which allowed for better conversations with my H about this mess we landed in. Those talks before Wellbutrin ended in holes in the walls and me showing up for work with puffy eyes!

Without those heart to heart talks we wouldn't be where we are at today.

Now what prompted me to get off of them. Things started to flow between H and I and I felt good about where we were heading. My H expressed that he was afraid things were going good because I was on meds. He wanted to know if I was going to turn back into the she-devil! So I dropped them cold turkey. I had a pretty bad headache for a few days but after that, I was "normal". No outburst and no major crying.

I do suggest getting them if you are feeling like you are spinning out of control during those crying sessions and it's preventing you two from getting to the business of recovery.

My OB/GYN perscribed them. I just told her what I was going through (while getting my STD screens) I told her I was just miserable and wanted to try them. She gave me a few weeks worth of samples and a script for if they worked and I wanted more. She told me to come back for more in 6 mths. if I needed them. I never did.

Just my story,
Z.

<small>[ July 24, 2002, 07:47 PM: Message edited by: zebrababy ]</small>

I would like to echo what Mo5 said. All those self-help skills are important and are something that you are going to have to learn anyway.

I was walking a few miles every day. I was using support of friends, family, pastor and my counselor. I was praying and practicing meditation/guided imagery/relaxation techniques every day. Nothing was working.

I feel a bit like I am defending myself at this point and that is my own issue since no one attacked me, but it also isn't always as simple as self-care. I had worked very very hard in therapy for a few years before D-day as I learned to deal with my intersex/infertility issue and learning that my Dad was not my bio-father. I felt weak for crashing and burning on D-day. My counselor at the hospital pointed out that even Olympic athletes can be injured. She told me that I was an Olympic athlete of self-care and mental health, that before D-day I was as healty and pulled together as a person can be. That helped me forgive myself for falling apart.

On the other hand, D-day was not all we were facing. Mr. J was three weeks away from major surgery for a facial tumor that had a 40% chance of being cancerous. They had to remove 1/3 of his face to get the tumor and then reconstruct his face in about 8 hours of surgery. He was going blind in one eye due to a medical condition not related to the tumor. He had lost his job about 8 weeks earlier because he was going through so many medical tests (they had thought he had MS or a brain tumor or both). He was as stressed as a human being can be and wasn't functioning well at work.

We had just had our boys living with us for six weeks and they had just gone back to Russia to their orphanage. We knew that we were going to adopt them but the trauma of having your kids in your arms, learning to love them, and then having to send them back to an orphanage was hideous.

Then came D-day! If I divorced, I would lose my children forever. If I stayed with him just to get the children and then divorced him, I was no better than he was--I would have been using him as surely as he had used me for 7 years.

I couldn't afford the adoption as a single mother. Actually, I could afford the adoption, I wasn't sure I could swing raising two boys alone in the 2nd most expensive housing market in the country and if I divorced, the adoption agency wouldn't let me adopt for a year or two afterwards. No one gets approved to adopt in the middle of a huge life change such as divorce or immediately after the death of a spouse, child or parent.

I had three huge things come crashing down at the exact same time and all three were completely interdependent. If Mr. J had cancer we would have lost the kids. If we split due to his A and OC, we would have lost the kids. If the adoption agency found out about A and OC we were going to lose the kids. If I hadn't been infertile (and thus so susceptible to the double slam of infertility and an OC--she did [accidentally] what I could never do) we would never have been in the middle of an adoption in the first place. Ewww, what a mess. No wonder my user name was Mrs. Job.

Just my self-serving, weasly way of saying it wasn't my fault I fell apart and wound up in the hospital. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

MJ

<small>[ July 25, 2002, 08:38 AM: Message edited by: MaryJanes ]</small>

Mary janes

I certainly think, those little things I mentioned do not help all the time.. They havent always helped me. But they might help some people, there are those that do not want to take medicine... my husband being one of them, he thinks it is some sort of weakness.
In fact was angry at a time that I took them because he felt I needed medicine to live with him, and that just wasnt the case.

I think meds can help many times and are needed sometimes , nothing to be ashamed of, if there is something that helps you through a difficult period then by all means use it.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I am currently taking Zoloft and I am so happy my doctor prescribed it for me. Prior to starting it I was going in to these crying fits where I would cry every day, sometimes a few times a day, and most of the time for no particular reason at all. No triggers, just tears simply because they wanted to fall. I was extremely depressed and just kept thinking about how if I died tomorrow, I would be relieved. Now when my emotions come, and yes, they still do, I can deal with them much better and everything doesnt seem to be so overwhelming. It's not a magic pill or a cure all, but it has made it a lot easier to get through the day and to feel more in control of the things I feel inside....

Please do not fear taking antidepressants. I believe they saved my life. Even though I was taking anti-d's, I was still deeply sad, crying, etc., but I survived. Can't imagine what it would have been like without them.

love, anniem

<small>[ July 26, 2002, 11:14 PM: Message edited by: anniem ]</small>