Hi all,

We are in crises mode. We have been great since bringing the boys home. I have really admired Mr. J's patience and flexibility with them.

Then last week the bottom fell out of his life. He didn't want to be around the boys, he was short-tempered (for the first time), he wanted them in bed early every night so he didn't have to see them, hear them, deal with them. He cries three or four times a day. He stopped working so hard on his own business and returned to a life on the sofa.

He can't stand exOW, he doesn't know how he ever got involved, she isn't beautiful, he can't find any reason for having caused the pain he caused.

Now yesterday he tells me he thinks he needs to go to the hospital for depression. He says he is suicidal.

He crashed when we ran out of money and I had to go to the 401K funds to pay the mortgage. I am pretty calm about the money mess. If we go bankrupt, if we lose the house, as long as we don't lose the kids and each other, I don't care.

He is trapped in a mire of self-hatred. He wants to relive the past 10 years. He wants to be the moral person he used to be. Not just moral, but humble and dignified instead of the loud, rich self-important braggard he had become. I see him as a good ways down the road to recovery. He has been humbled by the outing of his affair and OC, the loss of his job and what he feels to be his loss of status.

I tell him that I have forgiven him and God has forgiven him. What he needs to do is claim that forgiveness and build a new life on it. I said "Hey, spend the next ten years making me the happiest woman on earth. How's that for a goal?" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

He just came home from seeing our family doctor who prescribed an anti-depressant. He did not tell him that he is wanting to die, and downplayed the extent of his depression. He is terrified of being hospitalized. We only have joint custody of our boys--we are in a probation period and share custody with our social worker. Our marriage counselor is a social worker and he called a social worker friend who works in adoption. She said that the worst that might happen is that if our adoption worker saw the depression, she might extend the probation period.

I called our previous marriage counselor who will be happy to see him right away. So, I don't think that we are going to the hospital. At least not today.

Please pray for us--long term.

MJ

MJ,
I am so sorry to hear that Mr J is having such a hard time.

I will pray for him, you and the boys.

Continuing in prayer,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Then last week the bottom fell out of his life. He didn't want to be around the boys, he was short-tempered (for the first time), he wanted them in bed early every night so he didn't have to see them, hear them, deal with them. He cries three or four times a day. He stopped working so hard on his own business and returned to a life on the sofa.

He can't stand exOW, he doesn't know how he ever got involved, she isn't beautiful, he can't find any reason for having caused the pain he caused.

Now yesterday he tells me he thinks he needs to go to the hospital for depression. He says he is suicidal.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">MJ the crying 3-4 times a day...the short temperedness....the suicidal thoughts.... All need immediate attention. Perhaps at the hospital they can give him some anti-anxiety meds to help while the anti-depressants take hold.
Run Mj, take him in as it reminds me so very much of our son back after d-day.
Remember he cried? It turned to non-stop before the xanax was prescribed.
As far as suicide you must take this seriously.

I will pray for all of you at this horrible confusing time.
Sheese, MJ, no rest for the weary, eh?

Bless you.
Love
Debi

Mrs. J,

You know that you have my prayer support as well! I pray that Mr. J can get past this phase of recovery, and become the man he needs to be, but like you said, he needs to claim that forgiveness for himself before his true healing can begin!

Prayers and hugs to the "J" family!!!!

Love,

Tigger

MJ,
Prayers for Mr.J. The repentent adulterer suffers so much... just as you describe. It was soooo not worth it and they can't change it, and they are loathe to admit their weaknesses to others.

I think (them) repairing their relationship with God is a sound answer to lasting peace. (you can lead a horse to water, but will he drink? Been leading my H that way for awhile now...)

Your H's state of mind sounds extra serious, and my prayers for just the right help, with your family intact!

J

You have alot on your plate right now, I think we should pray for your husband but pray for you to have the strength to endure till it passes.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Mj

Let Mr. J go to the hospital...he needs to be diagnosed and medication to balance his chemistry!

He sounds just like Bipolar when he had his crisis in January 2000. Do you remember what happened to Bipolar? It was horrifying and frightening and almost cost him his life. Don't let it get too far out of control.

Bipolar's remorse was crippling and still is. We are in the same financial boat you are and Bipolar has lost all his confidence and drive and feels so completely out of sync with the world I am thinking he needs to go on disability because he can't work anywhere.

MJ, let me know if you want to discuss this further. I know you have resources readily available to you and an idea at least of what needs ot be done, but I understand what it is like to watch your husband go from workaholic and grand to lacking confidence and demoralized. It is a horrible, horrible thing to see.

Love

Catnip =^^=

<small>[ July 29, 2002, 09:51 PM: Message edited by: catnip ]</small>

Praying....keep us posted!

Hugs,
Twiisty