I'm curious...SometimesI get so upset with my H because he had an A and it resulted in an OC. Sometimes I think of hurting him by having an A.
There are two things that stop me...AIDS and HELL! Anyone have the same feelings?

jordy
I am sure you meant BS But I can honestly say during all the years of my husbands playing it never occured to me to seek revenge... and certainly felt just as self rightous as all the people here. But YOU know what I learned we never ever know what our future will bring us.

I learned I was vulnerable to all the things I so greatly had desired in my husband for so many years and along came someone who started filling them all. A bad choice!? Of course.. But did I ever want revenge all the times he cheated..No IT never occured to me. At that time I was just devistated and had lost all self esteem and had my heart ripped to shreds.. I just wanted him to love me and only me.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Honestly? I toyed with the idea...I lost so much weight after D-Day and I started looking GOOD!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I even started talking to an old boyfriend online via IM messenger...but thanks to a few ladies on this board (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!) it ended as soon as it started...besides...I loved my H and only my H and I, like Mo5 wanted my H to love only me.

I'm glad it didn't progress, but to let you know, I toyed with the idea also...but most likely it would have backfired on me and it would only be for revenge and not fair to myself, my children, the potental OM and my Hubby.

Hugs to you,
Twiisty

jj,,,,,,, i like twisty aslo toyed with the idea and started talking to an old friend from school. it was not in any way for revenge though. it was that i thought that fh was gone. so i was going to go out and start looking for another relationship. i took her to diner and to her sisters hs reunion ( one yr after ours). i knew her h had had an a and left her so we had something in common. fortunately i was able to stop before things got out if hand. fh and i were in counseling at the time and the counselor pointed out that i was going down fh's road. it was hard to except as i kept thinking the old "what's good for the gander is good for the goose". also i realized that it would have been using my friend of 35 years and that wasn't right.

Jordy,
Heavens no, that was the furthest thing from my mind. I was so focused on trying to salvage my marriage, and repair my own self esteem that to cloud up those issues with an A would have put me over the brink.

Even now with a D hanging over my head, there is not one once of desire to find someone else. I guess to enter into an A myself would just damage any shredd of self respect I have for myself.

Obviously a boost in self esteem would help, but thats not where I want to get it from.
Having adult children I want to show them that their mother can at least maintain her dignity and show strength of character that I have tried to preach to them all these years.

Please I don't mean any disrespect to any one here that has chosen a different path. I just know I could not emotionally handle more lies and secrets in my marriage.

Tina

I cheated on my WS. I became very good friends with his OW's H. We would get together at least 3 times a week to compare notes on what our spouses had been up to. We only slept together once and the consequences were disasterious. Please don't do it. Unlike the others here I actually had the affair and if I had to do it over again I wouldn't. It creates a whole new set of problems. It prolongs your recovery. Just don't do it.

Tiffany