This is kind of off subject but I would like to know what you girls think. 1st-- My H and I have been on a constant rollercoaster since dday. OC is due in about 9 weeks. Still haven't heard from OW about anything. I still don't trust my H and question everything he does and everywhere he goes. No LB latly and I am proud of my self for that. Anyway, yesterday we went to church and a women gave him a bullitin from last week. She told him that she saved it for him because we were in there because of our ann. I didn't think anything of it at first. After church we went to lunch and I asked him about her. Come to find out when he was younger he dated her. It bothers me that she didn't even say hello to me and say to both of us, hey I saved this for the both of you. Am I being to petty or do I have a reason to be uncompforable at my own church that my H slept with a girl years ago before I met him. I want to change churches my H says she is no threat. What do ya'll think.

I think it was very disrespectful for this woman not to address you first and then him and reffered to you as a couple. She should have known better. No accounting for bad manners. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> also husband should have immediately introduced you.

Try some of the other churches in the area you may find one you truly are comfortable with.

Thanks mom for your reply. After I posted I felt better. I told my H that my feeling were hurt and that I wanted to start seeking info on a different church. He reassured me that I was the most important thing to him and he would like to find another church if that would me me more comfortable. Thanks again

Thats great news,
always makes us feel better when the light goes on for those husbands. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Destroyed,

I guess I must just be a fiesty bytch, but I'll be damned if I let an two bit chick from the past run me from "MY" church!

I'd be walking up to her next Sunday (looking too good) and introducing myself. It'd go something like this:

Hello Susie Q, you didn't quite introduce yourself to me last week, but later my dear husband told me all the "lovely" details about how you and he know each other. It was so thoughtful of you to save the bulletin for us just wanted to thank you. We put it in our album so we can always cherish it for many anniversary's to come.

I'd walk away without another word, holding my H's hand.

Do ya'll sit next to each other in church. We used to put our kids between us so we could tag team them ... but I stopped that when some church chick started bending over seductively in front of my H all the time. Now that same woman comes up to me all the time asking me what's our secret and commenting on how we seem so "in love."

Anyway, my point to this rant ... If you like your church, don't let her run you off. Dig your heals in and send a clear message.

Z.

There were several women at our church that my H dated before he married me. He has been there longer than I have... One of them took an interest in me and said to me once, "I can see why he married you, blah, blah, blah..." I said, "Yes, and he told me all about you." That cooled her jets from coming around me with her "fascination."

But you know, zb is right, don't let this person make you run. Your H is with you, and you are #1. It is a great opportunity to negotiate a POJA for the next time you have an encounter with this "untrained" person.

Maybe you could bring it up to your church (women's and men's fellowship) leaders about teaching protocol in these types of situations... When approaching a couple where you are more familiar with the spouse of the opposite sex, GREET THE SAME SEX SPOUSE FIRST AND INTRODUCE YOURSELF!!!! It's the right thing to do and the polite thing to do.

Thank you both for your imputs. I can't believe the nerve of some people. It's like a green light to do who ever they want. In church no less. We started going to this church together in Feb after the my H A had ended and before he found out about possible OC. Of cource I didn't find out about OC until the end of March. Anyway,I have wanted to find another church for other reasons and this women has just made me want to find another one sooner. I don't think I would have made such a bid deal about it if I hadn't already been going through this other mess. Now I question everything. I even asked him if he was seeing her now. What I have turned into? Go figure. I wonder if I will ever trust him? I watch him like a hawk and I don't want to! Everyone has a past, everyone has ex's. I have things in my past that I'm not proud of. I want to stop feeling like this. I want all of my insecurities to go away. I want this OW and possible OC to go away. I want to just love my H and our 3 girls, I just want my family whole again. Lately, my H and I have been laughing together and having quailty time together. We had the best weekend together that we have had in years. I am so scared what the next 9 weeks are going to bring. Is a process server going to come to the door with court ordered paternity papers? This this OW going to call and say we need to set up a test because I'm due on such and such date? I'm scared that this progress my H and I made over the last week will go in the dirt the closer it gets. Sorry I'm going on and on. I'm having a real bad morning, I wish this feeling would go away. We pray everyday that this child is not his. I hope the date holds up.

My thoughts are with you... I hope that you will continue to put your marriage first. I know first hand how tough it is to not question every little thing. Well, I still question an awful lot, but I am much better about not saying something every time! I found that first I got more information sometimes if I kept my mouth shut for awhile, and two my husband views my questioning as huge and I mean huge love busters. You'll have questions and doubts and it may get worse. But now is the time to put together a plan and bond with that man you will be with for a long long time to come. The oc birth could change your life dramatically, but you and husband have a chance to make decisions beforehand. Think of each other's feelings and protect your marriage first. Then stick by your decisions even when the whole world seems to be crashing in or trying to force you to do things a different way. Stick together. Use this time as a stepping stone to a more stable future, regardless of what it brings.

As far as the woman at church, she was very rude. But that doesn't necessarily mean any more than just that. She could have been nervous, she could have been unsure of how to address you, she could have been flaunting and flirting in front of your face. Whatever...That's her. Tell your husband that if it happens again or not, that the first thing he should do is introduce you. It gives a person the feeling that you have a united front. He may see it as no big deal, but right now it is a big deal to you and that is what should matter. He may need to be reminded though, because it's not always the first thing a spouse will think of.

You said that you felt like you were over reacting. Maybe, but it's just a protective dance that we do. Things that wouldn't have been such a big deal last year have become huge sores. And you've got to take care of them fast or they get worse. So, you may act like you're pms-ing all month for awhile but he'll have to deal with it, go out of his way to make you feel special. Right now he has to go a bit further than normal to put you first. You will also deal with it by trying to ease off of the pms feeling, lower the lb boom. It'll come naturally after awhile and you'll get back to your old self. But right now, the protective dance is where you are. It's okay and Normal!

As far as changing churches, I bet you'll know in your heart when you find the right one. Visit around if you need to, but pray and talk with husband about that. It should satisfy your family's needs, but you should FEEL comfortable there. You should both feel peace with your decision. It won't have anything to do with how many pretty ex-gfs are there either. Flirtatious women (and men) are everywhere. Keep that in mind as you and hubby place a protective boundary around your marriage and go God-hunting. Good churches are hard to find.

DBH,

I think that you need to concentrate on how your M has grown since March. Dwell on the times that you mentioned about laughing and having your quality time together! Yes, that nine weeks is going to continue to bother you until you know for sure, but you need to "force" your thoughts away from that when it creaps up on you! Think of a particular time where you and H have been particularly close in the recent weeks to replace the other thoughts. I'm not saying to forget about it, cause you still don't know for sure, but just don't dwell on it. And when you do think about it, make it so that you WANT to think about it, in the guise of preparing yourself for the possibility of DNA testing and such. You need to make the decision to keep this from ruling your everyday life. It will be hard at first, and you will need to make a conscious effort to direct those thoughts, but soon you will just do it naturally.

I have had to do that with dealing w/my own A's and with my H's A's as well. It won't make the xOW and possible OC go away, but it will help you deal with the feelings those thought cause you to have.

As for the situation with the woman at church, well, I think that if your H is also willing to look for another church, do it! And I also like all the suggestions you've gotten so far, especially the one from Zebrababy! You have every right to be in a church where you are comfortable, and if this is the church, don't let some ex-girlfriend chase you off. Plant those feet, and stick to your guns. But, if you have more than just this woman for not being comfortable with the church, go church hunting! Just be sure that you end up somewhere where the Lord can do the most work through you!

I hope that I helped you out in some way.

Love,

Tigger

Thank you all for your help. I felt better after I read everyones letters again. I talked to my H again about how the women at church made me feel. He said tht even though he loved the church he wanted to do what I wanted to do. When he had first started going there I had met her along with everyone else. All the other women in the church have been so nice and greet me alot. So that just shows the class that she has. It doesn't bother me anymore that much. I have too much other stuff to worry about.

For the OW. I worry everyday about this. I found out yesterday that she moved. I don't know where. She doesn't have the same phone number and there is no listing for another. I know she is still working at the same place and she is not divorced yet. Her and her H were split up when my H had the A. Anyway I don't have a choice but to wait. Hopefully,since there has been no contact since the letter is a good sign but I am preparing for the worst anyway. I just will continue to pray.

Thank you all for your help and prayers.