I know I said I wasn't going to post anymore but I need advice quick before I do something that would HURT ME EVEN MORE.

I noticed a camera in my H car and although I didn't touch it at the time, it consumed my every thought. Sooooo, one morning I got up really early and went to his car to get the camera. It was not inside the car but in the tunk. I removed the film but left the camera. I have been walking around with this film for over a week now. My question is should I put the film back into the camera or get it processed. I know its not ours because we have a digital camera.

process

lp,

I had the same thing happen to me. I was CERTAIN that this was exOW's camera!
I brought it up to H and he said that he had no idea where the camera came from.

He suggested I develop the film.

Finally after the suspense was killing me... I had the film developed.

It turned out that it was a friend of stepson's...

I apologized to H for being so suspiscious...

My point is... bring it up to H first.
Ask.
Tell him you how you feel.

See what he has to say...

Hopefully he will be up-front with you.

I wouldn't do the covert sneaky stuff.
That would be stooping to a level that you don't want to be on.

Hope this is some help.

Thanks Staci,

I knew in my heart that's what I should do, but I still have a problem with the trust issue. I really think the camera is to take pictures of the OC.

In any event, I am going to take your advice and ask and hope that he is truthful.

By the way, how will I know if he is truthful? Should I ask him to develop them after I ask or should I develop them on my own? Wouldn't this be like calling him a liar?

I would process the film. I still don't trust my husband, and I don't trust his answers to questions yet. If processing the film answers your questions, do it.

I understand the feeling of not being able to trust your H.

But at some point we all have to give a little.

Bend... don't break.

lp,
Ask him to go with you to have the pictures developed.
Then, how can he say that you went behind his back to do it?

Do you and H have contact with OC?
Does H have contact, without you?

If there is contact, then any pictures of OC are not going to bother you as much as the discovery of a "hidden camera," so to speak.

But, if you have NO contact, and there are pictures of OC on the film... then there needs to be answers to the questions that will arise as to why this camera exists.

Remember, it is always possible that the camera was given to him by OW... to "set him up" against you.

Honestly, I am not all that familiar with your story... I should go back and read...
but know that I am thinking of you... and this situation.

Keep your cool, lemonpie.
There is an answer... and I pray you get an honest one.

I have to be honest

I would develop the pictures, and do it at a 1 hour photo place to boot.

Which tells me I'm nowhere near recovery.

Big surprise, right?

I hope you can keep it in check and discuss it with your H, and then share the strength with the rest of us mortals!

EJ

EJM, I had to laugh out loud because it has been a year and I am still not in recovery.

Staci, I don't have contact with OW or OC. As a matter of fact, I never seen either of them. The OW and I had a brief (4 phone calls, approx. 4-5 e-mails). My d-day was 7/01 and since 10/01 I have not heard from her. She didn't contact me, I found her work # and contacted her. I intiated the battle, but is was short lived--she got her home # and work # changed,

I would like to believe that my H is keeping his problem by not sneaking behind my back to see OC but he is a convincing liar, after all he kept his A and OC a secret for almost 4 years.

One of the reasons I have not developed the film is because I am afraid of what change will come over me. I keep repeat "Ignorance is Bliss". I just wish he would have just kept it a secret.

LP,

Yours is among the first I've seen posted about how you would rather have not known about A or child. Can you say more about why you feel this way? So many of the BS here say that after D, their marriages are torn down and rebuilt to be better than pre-A. That is in part, some of the pull for me to reveal to my H, yet he seems to want to carry on so long as we are moving toward being happy and not address any problems we have had.
Can you say more about why you feel this way?

CM

I found one of those disposable camera's laying on are kitchen table one day, everyone in this house denies it's their's. My W said I should have it developed, maybe I would find something of interest on it, so far I am still sitting on it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

After 33 years of marriage and 4 1/2 years of successful recovery after my H's EMR, I still have to say I'd process the film. Does that mean I don't trust him? Not blind trust. I'll never have that again.

I would talk to him about it,,letting him know I'd found this camera and ask if he knew who it belongs to. But regardless of the answer, the film would already be at the store being processed.

LP, I agree with Nerlycrzy. I would do the same.

Also, she's right. There will never be blind trust between H and I again. I love H, but not in that way again.

You will never have piece of mind, or even an inkling of trust, if you don't develope the film.

Who knows, you might be pleasantly surprised.

Wishing you well.

ember

CMiranda, I say I wish my H would have kept it a secret because up until last year I thought I had a happy marriage, perfect NO, happy YES. And after reading this board listening to all the BS, years have gone by and they are IMO still hurting. I also don't believe that the WS are working to keep the marriage together, it is the BS doing flips. As you can see, I am no where near recovery and it has been a year.

You see CMiranda, my H did not stay out late, nor did he have a habit of hanging out with the boys. My H had never and I say never in our 18 years of marriage stayed out all night. My H told me EVERY morning I love you and left me with a kiss. All the while he was having an A and also knew he had OC. So tell me, how could I ever believe anything he says again. As I said, ignorance is bliss and in this situation I would have preferred to be ignorant.

I am still holding on to the film because I am embarassed about how I found the film. I purposely went searching. I am also afraid of what I might find.

Some days I just want to die but I continue to hold on.

I finally broke down and asked my H about the camera. I must say I really feel like an idiot. The camera belongs to my SIL. My H took her home after my nephew's graduation and my SIL left the camera in the car. I know this is true because I then remembered my SIL calling me for it.

My H also told me if I didn't believe him, just get them developed. He was angry because I still don't trust him.

All in ALL, I am having a good day.

He has a lot of nerve to be angry after what he has done.

It never ceases to amaze me how these people can disrupt our lives, break our hearts, ruin everything we know and hold dear, then have the audacity to "get angry"...puh-leeze!!!

The only one here entitled to be angry is YOU. What does he expect after a four year affair he kept secret?

Unbelievable.

Catnip =^^=

Catnip, you are absolutely correct. This is why I believe me an my H are doing so poorly for recovery. He feels he has a right to be angry when I ask him anything pertaining to the A or where he goes and where he's been. I feel as you do, he doesn't have the right to be angry, he did me wrong.