I've been divorced since last year and have been separated for over a year. When my ex and I first separated I told her that I would have both kids (her D) in the interest of keeping them together all the time. When I also told her that would include taking OC to my parents for holidays, she declined. After a year of having a very active child 24/7, she is starting to hint that she would like me to have both kids.

The trouble is, I'm not sure I want to do that. I have babysit and had overnights with both kids, and it's a lot more work with two than one. Plus, I've gotten used to doing stuff with my S, just the two of us. I feel bad that I don't want to have both kids any more, but it's more work than I want right now. I don't mind babysitting once in a while, but I don't want the full-time responsibility

Is anyone else dealing with this sort of thing? If so, what are you doing?

I am curious.. I dont know your story but are you acting as a father to both children and does this child call you dad!? Because if you are then you can not excclude one over the other just because it is easier.

But if your wife has prevented a relationship with this child and you do not act in the capacity of father to child, then I wouldnt see the harm in saying NO You do not want to take both children. I guess you should do what ever you feel your concience will let you.

I know my husband and OM and I have discussed what would happen if we divorced, He would want to see all the children and om would most likely find that as a way to get daughter out of husbands life and work very hard on doing so. How ever in my opinion, while om has rights, husband was there from day one and she is his daughter ads well, doesnt take biology to make a father or mother, just takes love.

Mom,

When we first separated, she refused to even let me babysit her D. After a while she realized that if I didn't babysit once in a while, she'd never get out of the house. I'm not acting as a father per se, but I am the only father figure in her life. She's only a year and a half so she doen't call me "dad", yet. But, whenever I pick up our S, she always wants to come with. She'll climb in the car and sit where her car seat normally is.

The MM is long gone, moved far away with his family and has nothing to do with his D. I volunteered in the beginning, but now I want to unvolunteer. I feel bad because I feel a certain responsibility toward her. I just can't decide how I want to proceed.

well I dont know, I would think that would break your heart to see the little want to go and you not take her. Little ones are a lot of work. But they sure return love in huge quanitites.

I think you and your wife should have thought things through before you made a decision to parent this little girl, It isnt fair to her to change your mind mid stream, that means your wife as well.
Is your name on the birth certificate ? You have to make a decision to either be there full time or not at all, but going back in forth is cruel to the child.

If you really dont want to parent this child, then you need to tell your x and move on. I can see why your torn. But this is something you will need to think about the effects on your son as well. AND remember that little girl loves you because you are the only father she has known and she isnt going to turn off that love just because you dont want to be bothered.
I do believe you have the right to walk away, but you should think long and hard before you do.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I would pray about it, cant hurt and ask for help in knowing what to do.

MoF,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I think you and your wife should have thought things through before you made a decision to parent this little girl, It isnt fair to her to change your mind mid stream, that means your wife as well. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There has been no decision, or even discussion, about parenting. That's what I'm trying to work out. I don't want to change mid-stream, that's why I want to get it worked out once and for all. My situation is a little unusual in that I'm divorced but taking care of (occasionally) an OC that isn't mine.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Is your name on the birth certificate ? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I honestly don't remember whose name is on the birth certificate. There might not be any name on there. Really, it doesn't matter. I'll probably end up re-volunteering, but it will have to be permenant. I just want to make sure that she won't change her mind later. Also, I want to make sure that I can do the same things with both that I do with S now. Things like going to Grandma and Grandpa's for holidays. It's going to be all or nothing.

I think it should be all or nothing, so your on the right trac and she should have grandma and grandpa. Legally you may be the father any way, I suggest you check with an attorney. If your divorced are you paying support for both children.

I think after you check legally you need to decide what you can and will do in your heart.
If you are legally responsible for the child, you need to take care of that, either leave it alone or fix it. Then you need to sit down with your ex wife and discuss this option of all or nothing. If you are not going to be a father tot his baby, then you should remove your self and continue to take care of your son, but not confuse the baby. If you want to help out once in a while I see no harm in that. But have boundries and stick with them.
You have to let your heart guide you on this one, what ever decision you make will effect your son, your wifes daughter and your self and your x wife to some extint , but she made her choices, so you dont have to worry over that.

Only you can know what you need to do.

No one expects you to parent a child that is not yours if you do not want to. Look how many bio parents do not have a relation ship with the child they produced. It takes a lot of work on your part to over come this and help out.

You obviously have some love for the child or you would not be concerned over this issue.

But dont re volunteer anything you may regret later, think it all through.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by idiotguy:
<strong>...The trouble is, I'm not sure I want to do that... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Then, just say no.