In my H's line of business he must travel. As you know he took on a new position that causes him to travel alot more than before simply b/c his home office is in a different state. We are in the process of selling our home, so that I can move to the home office state.
Thats not what the trigger is, but has alot to do with it.
This company, and even the old one in which the OW worked, has these annual meetings, you know the kinds that take them to Las Vegas, Florida, California, and yes this time it is Cancun, Mexico. What? You ask if the spouses are invited? Of course not! I mean, what could we possibly do during the day while they are in the meetings? Gosh, I can't think of a thing!ANYWAY...
My H calls me this am to ask me a question about his flight time. He is talking to a co-worker (yes it was a woman, but that isn't the issue...) in the backround and then he says, "Yes, we are all on the same flight." and then returns to me and says "I had thought I was on a different flight. Thanks for checking into it." I then asked who all was going and he said him, and the district managers, and store manmagers. All of the sudden my head was spinning. I did get off the phone, hoping to handle this one, again, during the day so that when he got home I would hopefully be over it.
What went thru my mind was in about three different directions.
1) Was she on any of the ones when he was with the old company? I knew the answer was no to that b/c it was mainly for his department. In this company he is creating the department. (which is probably why they are all going.)So that part went away fairly quickly.
2)Here he is going to Mexico, and all of these women are going to be in thier best island garb, and they are going to be at the pool and beaches and sipping drinks...this is worse temptation than what he was faced with when he met the OW. How am I to be sure that if he is off and we are still having problems that the temptation will be handled the right way? I am so afraid of the flirting an the sexual innuendos that will most likely be present.
3) Couldn't he hear the change in my voice? Why couldn't he call back and ask what was wrong? Maybe he didn't hear it or maybe he was unable to address it there...but he could have excused himself and called me back to see if he could help. During these times of triggers I would like the TLC, or the "coddling" you give to a child that just scrapped his knee.
I hang up the phone and try to handle it on my own...I think of what should keep him faithful...
The thought of me, his wife.
The thought of his children.
The thoughts of how it would hurt me.
The thought of how it will affect our marriage and our children.
And then I am sent down another spiral...all these were present the last time and didn't stop him from making the choices he did.
So, I decided to call him back, as his biggest complaint is that I hold things in and let them fester and then when they finally surface...I explode. I called him nd explained the trigger, making sure that he knew I was not stuck on if it happened with her. He said he understood where I was coming from and that we could talk tonite. I do appreciate the fact he is working and didn't expect to talk, but wanted to let him know what was happening in my mind. To my surprise I have been able to shop for his birthday gift, without focusing in on all the bad stuff that was going thru my mind just an hour earlier, and am alot less stressed over it. I'm not saying it isn't there and not bothering me, but knowing it isn't just for me to handle alone has made it better.
I see that the way I handled it gave him the opportunity to give me comfort, (yet I would rather him here rocking me saying "It is okay...just a bad thought.") but understand it can't always be that way, and in the past I have always held it in so I hope he sees that. He said he wasn't mad.
I just don't know how to handle this. Phone callls won't help, he called when with her. And what am I expected to do...always be there like a fly on the wall making sure all is okay?
Any thoughts?
NGU
(BTW: I have come to the conclusion that a short post is nearly impossible for me!)

can your husband buy a ticket for you to attend with him and you can amuse your self while he is in meetings.

My husbands company send them away each year and they do not take wives, they even have a written rule what happens on these trips is not to be discussed. I know I have called and women have answered hotel room phone, sometimes he is there sometimes not. I do not call any more, I dont set my self up for stress. They share a room with someone.
I can see why this would stress you out.
Get a siter and go... Thats the best solution.

I don't really know what to say to help you, but I wanted to let you know that I'm here. My H also travels quite a bit, add to that he's a musician (lead singer) and has women following him around. I don't feel like I can give any advice on this one. Would like to see some suggestions though.

I did have a friend once offer some advice he used. He said he has a very jealous streak in him, but when he would remember that he didn't NEED his wife (he wanted her) that he could control his feelings of jealousy and let them go. I don't know if that's much help, but it sometimes helps me.

In my humble opinion, I think your H is responsible for doing things to make you feel secure in his relationship with you. YOur triggers occur because of his infidelity. You have reason to be untrusting and suspicious. He changed the rules of the game.

During my H's affair, he lied to me about who he was with, where he went, over and over. I trusted him then,and believed him. And I was wrong.

He has lied to me since discovery as well, although I think he has now stopped.

But his continued lies, even since discovery, have not built my belief in what he tells me. That will take a long time, maybe never.

I think you should do whatever you need to do to feel safe with H's upcoming business trip. And if I were you, I would demand you and kids gof-not allow him to go alone. my H used to stay behind when I visited relatives. I never thought anything about it till I realized that is when he continued A in our home,during my absence.

I told my H he has ruined being left here when I travel. I demanded he come with me this year to visit relatives, and he did it.

You deserve to make some requests/demands to feel safe. Do it.