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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 9
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Junior Member
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 9 |
Hi,
I've been married for almost 7 years, few weeks ago my husband confess me that he doesn't love me anymore. It seems like he has been fighting with that feeling for almost a year now and this "boom" just finally exploted. I'm trying to save my marriage, I've been looking for help but it seems like he doesn't want to start all over again and make this marriage works. Is this really like that?, people just forget about it?, whitout talking about it?... after so much love people just forget?... I want to understand this... Am I right if I still want to save this marriage?, should I give up?
Thanks for your help.
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 63
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 63 |
Well, I wouldn't give up just yet.
Ask him is he seeing or interested in another woman. Tell him to be honest because you really need to hear the truth.
If he isn't having an emotional or physical affair, then sit down and talk. You have to remain as calm as you can without getting defensive during this talk. And, you will need to listen. Obviously, you two were in love once. Ask him why did he fall in love with you. (This is how you find out his emotional needs.) Tell him to be as honest as he can be. This may give you some clues as to what is bothering him now.
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 9
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 9 |
Thanks for your advise QuietGuy...
I asked him if he's seeing or interested in another person (twice or 3 times for the past 3 weeks) and the answer is always "No". That's the main reason why I'm still fighting against a separation or divorce... he's telling me also that maybe we need time apart, he wants to move somewhere else, but I'm not sure if that will help, I'm just afraid... btw, we have 2 kids (2 1/2 years and 5 month old). I know I need to be stronger in order to get this crisis resolved, my kids need me.
Once again thank you so much!
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 63
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 63 |
Hmm.. People usually don't want to move unless something is making them unhappy. Are there money problems? Stress from the children? Is he close to his children?
Again, I would ask him to think back when you were married 7 years ago. Why did he fall in love? (Don't post that here! Just learn for yourself and see what can be done.)
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 9
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 9 |
He left...
What's next?... I don't know... he needs time to be alone... it's that ok?, does that really work?
Any comments or advise will be appreciated.
Thanks in advance.
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 151
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Posts: 151 |
Pennylane,
Do not give up. My H left my D and I 4 wks ago. He told me he was unhappy, hallow inside, and was not sure if he wanted to be married anymore. It is very difficult but I have given him the space he has requested. This week he seems to be communicating to me a little more. We are no where near reconciliation but I have a little hope. There are a lot of good people that read these post that can give good advice. You are not alone. Keep posting and listening. There is always hope.
l&h
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 9
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 9 |
Thanks for your comment lonely&helpless...
Are you seeing any counselor?, we're trying that.
I really hope that this separation help him to find what he really wants. To be honest, this is making things worse for me because I feel sad and alone. Sometimes I'm afraid that I'll never forget the things he said to me lately.
My prayers are for you too...
Take care.
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 151
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Posts: 151 |
Pennylane,
I am seeing a counselor to get through this...it has been very hard on me. I have lost a lot of weight, hard time sleeping, etc. The counselor is helping me some she is really trying to get to focus on me. I am trying.
My H will not go and see a counselor. When he first left he refused to talk about it totally. This past week he said he thought he might need to talk to someone. He will not go and see a MC. He did mention also this week that he would go to a MC "if" he decided to come home.
How are you doing? Are you both seeing a MC or just you?
L&H
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 9
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 9 |
Hi L&H,
We both are seeing a counselor. The same is happening to me, I have lost weight, very hard time sleeping (specially with 2 little kids). I feel awful.
I believe he is in love with another woman.
I really don't know what to do.
I'm pretty sure that my marriage is close to an end. I'm still here, waiting. Nothing else to do...
Thanks.
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 23
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Junior Member
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 23 |
Try reading the Book Fascinating Womanhood by Helen Andelin. The book is out of print but you can find it at one of the chain bookstores. The stuff in the book may seem old fashioned or traditional but it seems to go along with all the advice from psychologists and it is opposite of what everyone (friends, family etc.) thinks you should do. But if more women tried these priciples they may still be married today. Most of all PRAY,PRAY,PRAY WITH CONSTANT FERVOR.
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