Ok. this is the first time i have talked about this with any one so bear with me pleeez. Imy bio dad left when i was born my step dad has been in my life since i was 2. my step dad was a marine for 25 years. Nothing against marines ok? around age 10 i was diagnosed with A.D.D atention defasit disorder and manic deppresion. alot to deal with at 10. on top of that my step dad molested me at 12 and beat me at 10. this whent on till i was 18. In this time frame I was also taking care of my newborn brother who was born when i was 9. most the time my mom would be drunk and my step dad would be working late. Ok fast foward to age 21. I was working at target and I met my now ex. He was such a sweet guy! He said I was beautiful. At the same point i was still living at home. After a while I told him evrything about my family. He helped me get out of the situation. Got me a place to stay with his friend. me and my ex dated for 6 months. This was the first real relation ship I ever had. Before I would savotage it before it would start so i would not get hurt. Well like i said I dated my ex for 6 months and it seemed like evrything was going ok. Then I got pregnant and his true colors showed. I paid for his gaming habits diner anything else he wanted just to get him to stay. Ya no money no place to stay. well I wound up staying at a pregnant womens shelter and I met My now hubby. I love him to death. I moved on from my ex. had a beautiful baby boy and a year later a baby girl with my hubby. No looking back. so I thought. My son is now 2 and my ex decided to call me and we talked. He said how much he skrewed up and how much he loves me and misses me and my son. Old feelings are arising again and I am confused. I do not want to hurt my hubby and i sure is heck do not want to leave him. the problem is I still have feelings for my ex And I want to be with him so bad........ Every day I see my son I see my ex. I hate my self so bad and I have no one I can talk to so i found this web site and I am hoping somone can haelp me. Please!

The grass is always greener. Your childhood was extremely dysfunctional. Have you been in C? You need to be if not. If you are having fantasies about your X it is probably because your marriage is stale. Read up about his needs and her needs. You and your current H need to meet the needs the other has. Maybe your current H has not been meeting those. It would be marital suicide to start something with your X. No chance of success. If your current marriage is over, then leave, do not date for the next two years and only then call your x. That would be the heathy way to do it. You cannot be in two relationships at once. Your marriage is at risk for an affair. Read here. It may help.

I have been in therepy on meds you name it. It does not seem to be helping and I am scared I am going to savatoge everything I worked so hard for. I am scared!

How do you know that things would be diffent with your X now? He can tell you everything you want hear but was he there when you needed him before? Think about what attracts you to him? What's important to you in a relationship? Do you get what you need from your husband now?
If you go back to your X, you can never go back to what you have now.

You really need to do some soul searching. Take time to think about everything that is involved.

I'm sorry your in such a tough situation.

Take care!