Well, ever since I found out 3 weeks ago that the OC (twin girls) had been born, I have been waiting for a bomb to drop. Everything really seemed too good to be true. As far as my H and I knew, the OW's H was going to step up and take care of them even though they could not be his. They are my H blood type. Friday night as my husband was mowing our lawn, he received a Caller ID Blocked call on his cell phone. Of course, I answered it. A woman's voice asked for my husband. I knew immediately who it was. I told her very politely that my H was outside mowing OUR lawn. I asked to take a message, but she said she would call back. I hung up the phone and went outside to question my H. He swore that he had not spoken to her since February. So I had to guess that she was calling to ask for CS. I told my H that if that is what she wanted, then I wanted us to have visitation. She called back, and I brought my H the phone. She told my H that her H had told her that he wanted a divorce and that the only way he could get one is if my H paid CS. I've not ever heard of this, anyone else? My H told her that we would want visitation, and she said she was fine with that. She seemed afraid that we would fight against CS. I had my H call her back later to get more info b/c we actually got very little out of her the 1st time. This time, she burst into tears and said that we would never touch her children and she didn't want our money. She said she would go to a lawyer and see if she could get a divorce from her H without involving my H. When he got off the phone that time and told me what happened, I asked my H what he wanted to do if she was able to do that. He said that he wants to let her do it. He doesn't want to have anything to do with them b/c he is scared that it will destroy what we have rebuilt. I told him that I would be alright and that we would be alright either way, but his decision remained the same. I just worry that OW is very unstable. My H had told me before that she is. I worry for the babies. I also worry that if she denies CS now, she could come back 3 yrs. from now and ask for back CS. Is there a way to prevent that? If anybody has any advice or knowledge about what is going on in this situation now, PLEASE share it with me. I would like to be informed of our rights and the best ways to protect ourselves.

At the moment her husband is considered the childrens father. But yes that can be changed. She may just be having a really difficult time right now, Believe it or not having two babies and your husband not making up his mind if he wants to come and go is a very difficult process and she is upset and also caring for two children. Tell me who wouldnt be a little over the edge during this. She is being pressured by her husband and has a thousand other emotions running through her. How many times have have all of us cried over this, I dont think it makes us unstable. Husbands say a lot to cover themselves, if he was truly worried over those children he would step forward and demand to be a part of their life.
Having visitation for the sole reason because you pay child support is not a good reason, You have to make sure your willing to love those children and treat them with the same love you would your own child. Other wise you are not helping any one.

I am sure she was upset and emotional and did not explain her self well. Her husband can get a divorce but he would have to pay child support unless they prove your husband is the father. This is an emotional time for her husband as well, and he may change his mind when he has had time to think.

The only way to find out what your rights are is to go to a lawyer and talk it over with him and find out what your options are. Then make a choice based on that. some states will not let your husband get involved if she does not involve him. In texas OM can take me to court if he wants to. But untill he does child is legally my husbands.

I know this is difficult for you, I am just trying to make sure you can understand all sides of the issue before you make a choice in what to do.

Breanna,

In most states if you are married your H is assumed to be the father. The only way you guys would have to pay CS is if her H requests a DNA test and proves the OC's aren't his. If he does then she can take your H to court to establish paternity. There's noting you can do about CS. I would still talk to a lawyer though if there is back support owed they don't make you pay it back in one lump sum the have you pay a few extra buck a week until the arrearage is paid in full.

If I were you I would let my H take the lead this is his mess. I didn't I pushed him into visitation and our life became a nightmare! Right now my H feels the exact way that your H does if he allows exOW/OC to be a part of our lives (and if you've read some of my posts she's really unstable) that it would effect our marriage and what we've rebuilt. Your H paying CS has nothing to do with her H divorcing her. Even if she's emotional right now she has to deal with her consequences so does your H if the OC's are his. (Meaning he'll have to pay CS) If your H chooses NC stick by him having OC in your life means you have to deal with exOW. I feel sorry for the OC's but after trying contact and having it blow up in our face I would advise any person that finds themselves in this situation to choose NC if that's the route their H's want to take. Good luck it's sad you have to go through this at such a young age. You’re in my thoughts and prayers.

Unsure

I just wanted to clear up a few things. We chose NC to begin with because I felt like I couldn't handle it. I feel differently now. I am a lot stronger than I thought I was. We left it that way because we were led to believe that her H was going to stay with her and be the girls' dad. Now that has all changed. The reason we might still stick with NC is that OW really wants it that way. She is fanatic about it. As of yet we have had NO CONTACT with the twins. We don't even know their names. We knew that OW was mentally unstable way before the babies were born. Even when my H left me to be with her, she exhibited behavior that was strange at best. She was prone to deep bouts of depression when she would just disappear for days. She told my H at one point that she wanted these babies so that she would have someone to love her. I'm sorry...that is not what having a child is all about. My exact question is: "Can she and her H get a divorce if my H is proven to be the girls' father without her H having to pay CS? And...If she doesn't want my H to pay CS, will it be required by law for him to pay it anyway for OW and her H to obtain their divorce? And...If she can refuse child support now, is there a way for us to protect ourselves from her coming back 3 yrs. from now having changed her mind and get back support." I think that is it!! Thanks to all of you!

Breanna,
I wanted to say to talk to a lawyer!

Also, child support is seperate from a divorce. OW has to file for child support and if her H is on the BC then he has to request a paterity test done to see if he is the father.

Your H has no rights until paternity has been prove.

OW can file for divorce without getting child support that is seperate.

I would go look up the twins birth certificate and see if the H's name is listed! Or you can call and see if the BC is avialable for viewing.

Most birth certificates are public information.

Dswn

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Can she and her H get a divorce if my H is proven to be the girls' father without her H having to pay CS? And...If she doesn't want my H to pay CS, will it be required by law for him to pay it anyway for OW and her H to obtain their divorce? And...If she can refuse child support now, is there a way for us to protect ourselves from her coming back 3 yrs. from now having changed her mind and get back support." I think that is it!! Thanks to all of you!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If your husband is proven to be the girls father and it is done through the state, then even if she said NO I dont want cs.. she has no right it is for the babies, she can choose to put it in the bank for the girls or invest it, but she has no right to say no.. that is not in the best intrest of her girls.

If your husband is the father then he will pay child support unless neither party wants to get involved, then it might just go away, but unlikly, if husband wants a divorce he is not going to pay for those kids she will be forced to seek cs.
jmo,

Breanna,
What state do you live in? For back support it all depends on the state laws. A lot of states you can back support from the day OC was born. However, your situation is different since she is married.

You really need to find out if OW's H name is on the birth certificate. And then talk to a lawyer about it.

And the only way to get her H's name off the BC is if he goes to court and request DNA testing to show the twins are not his.

OW does not have to file for child support if she does not want to.

As for the blood type being your H most of the hospitals do not even test baby's blood type now a days.

Dawn

<small>[ August 12, 2002, 01:36 PM: Message edited by: Dawn71 ]</small>

ok if her husband, your husband and ow are willing to work together. Her husband can sign a denial of paternity, your husband can sign a acknowledgement of paternity. and mail to bureau of vital statistics.. and every thing is legal and done with out going to court.

DO NOT LET YOUR HUSBAND TAKE A DNA VOLUNTARILY!!

Right now her DH IS considered the father of those babies, period. That cs line she used is bull. They are trying to get you to sign things that you don't need to be signing. Do not let an attorney tell you different either, if one tells you to sign paternity, get a different one.

Read Below:

"Please help me! I found out that I am the father of a 12 year old. This happened my freshman year of college with a woman who was married at the time. She and her husband both accepted the fact that she was their daughter until they divorced 5 years later and her affair was exposed. Contact with the mother was extremely minimal (4 times over 12 years) and she never wanted anything from me. I have never met the daughter.
Now, I am married, 32 years old, professional, with my own family and she has filed papers for $500/month and 12 years of back payment at that amount. The mother has since remarried and has two more kids and is in financial trouble. We simply can't afford the monthly- not to mention the $72,000 in back payments! Am I being used as a financial source only?? The girl already knows two dads as "Dad" and "Step-dad"...so what am I??
Can they force us to move, or to make my wife work and put our daughter in day care in order to pay her?? Please help me!!! This is on the verge of causing a divorce in my marriage!!"

Below is the answer he received from a VERY knowledgeable man and some case law!

"Based on some very preliminary research, under CO law, the "best interests of the child" standard determines which person shall be declared the legal father by the court, and based on the facts that you present, I think that you should seriously consider a malpractice action against your present attorney.

You should have refused to take the paternity test. I won't go into the rationale, because it's too late, but if taking the test was at your attorney's suggestion, I think that it was pretty dumb in view of the current case law.

Once again, this is my opinion based on some very preliminary research, and I could be completely wrong (but I don't think so ;-)). Having said all of this, I believe that you may still win this case and have the ex husband declared the legal father.

Give your attorney the following case citation and ask him/her to comment on its application to your case. An abstract of the court decision is supplied for reference."

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

N.A.H. v. S.L.S., 9 P.3d 354 (Colo. 09/11/2000)

[1] Colorado Supreme Court

[2] No. 99SC90

[4] September 11, 2000

[5] N.A.H. AND A.H., PETITIONERS,
v.
S.L.S., RESPONDENT.

[6] Law Office of David M. Herrera David M. Herrera Fort Collins, Colorado Law Office of Cris de la Torre Cris de la Torre Fort Collins, Colorado Attorneys for Petitioners Mark K. Workman Fort Collins, Colorado Attorney for Respondent Carole Deeny Carnahan, Guardian Ad Litem Fort Collins, Colorado

[7] The opinion of the court was delivered by: Justice Kourlis

[8] Certiorari to the Colorado Court of Appeals

[9] EN BANC JUDGMENT REVERSED AND CASE REMANDED

[10] JUSTICE COATS dissents, and JUSTICE RICE joins in the dissent.

[11] This case concerns the interpretation of Colorado's Uniform Parentage Act (the UPA), and causes us to determine what considerations that Act directs the courts to include in making paternity decisions. Specifically, the case involves a young girl, S.R.H., who was born in 1994, when her mother was married to N.A.H. (Husband). N.A.H. was identified on the birth certificate as her father and accepted the child into his home. However, genetic tests demonstrate that, in fact, S.L.S. (Biological Father) is the biological father of S.R.H. Pursuant to Colorado statutes, both men can claim a presumption of being S.R.H.'s legal father. Because a child can have only one legal father, the court must resolve the competing presumptions afforded these two men and adjudicate paternity for the child. Colorado's UPA specifies that in the face of conflicting presumptions, courts should look to the weight of policy and logic in settling the conflict and adjudicating paternity. Accordingly, we determine that a question of paternity is not automatically resolved by biological testing, but rather calls upon the courts to consider the best interests of the child in analyzing policy and logic as directed by the statute.

[12] We hold that the best interests of the child must be of paramount concern throughout a paternity proceeding, and therefore, must be explicitly considered as a part of the policy and logic analysis that is used to resolve competing presumptions of fatherhood.

Until you read up on and know more about the laws, DO NOT LET YOU DH SIGN ANYTHING!!!!

What state are you in?

Melissa

Since you already got the legal answers, I have a question for you--

Are you doing ok? I know how I've felt since the OC was born, and since the paternity came back. If you feel the same, you must be freaking out!

How are ya?
EJ

The husband has to sign an affidavit of non-paternity before she can legally pursue anyone else for support. Genetic tests don't matter at this point. If they were married and she told the hospital she was married at the birth, his name should be on that birth certificate. At this point, the law considers him the child's father. If he signs over his rights, then she can pursue your husband. Don't let anyone fool you. Its in his best interests to find out if he fathered the child. She can come at any time and ask for child support. If your husband does not want the child and it sounds like he doesn't, he can sign and have his parental rights terminated.

Whether Breanna's H pays child support or not has nothing to do with whether OW's H can get a divorce or not. If OW's H wants a divorce and doesn't want to pay the child support, all he needs to do is file for the divorce, have a DNA test, and deny paternity. If the twins aren't his, then he would no longer be legally responsible for them.

I don't know of any reason why healthy newborns should have a blood test. Some states require a test for PKU at 6 weeks, but I don't know if they type the baby's blood then or not.

I think this could be a scam OW is trying to pull. After all, you only have HER word that her H now wants to divorce her, right?

Talk to a good lawyer to find out what the laws are in your state. I wouldn't initiate any kind of paternity proceedings...definitely would not do the DNA testing unless and until after she files for CS. If you're worried about paying back CS, simply start putting that amount of money into a savings account (in your names). If it turns out the twins ARE your H's, you'll already have the money to pay the child support; if the twins are NOT your H's, you'll have the start of a good retirement fund (or college fund for YOUR OWN children). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Do NOT pay ANY money unless you are shown legal proof that your H is the father of the twins.

Hi I'm new here and was reading your post.

From what I've been reading, on article pertaining to this. If OW was Married at the time then legally the twin are her H

There are men trying to change this, because more and more women are havinng affairs. I'm going to give you a couple of sites to go to here below.

http://archive.nandotimes.com/noframes/story/0,2107,500196150-500268074-501400133-0,00.html

http://boards.parentsoup.com/messages/get/pshottopics93/47.html

http://www.dadsusa.com/wall6299.html

http://www.vix.com/men/child-support/pater-limit.html

http://www.vix.com/men/child-support/bloodtest.html

There are some angry men that are trying to fight this, so please study the information.

I though I was alone going through this I feEl at home now. GOOD LUCK

Question what is NC

Another thing

In some states they no longer do BLOOD TESTING
because that can lead to several men being the father having the same blood type.

So now the test are BUCCAL SWAB that is the DNA TEST

http://www.eog.state.fl.us/dor/childsupport/genetic.html

http://www.eog.state.fl.us/dor/childsupport/affidavit.html

http://www.eog.state.fl.us/dor/childsupport/paternity2.html

These sites will explain the bucaal swab
I hope this will be of some help

The twins were born at a military hospital, and I think they blood type everyone that walks through the door!!! Or OW's H could have asked for blood test. Who knows? Certainly not me! Thank you all so much for the responses to my many questions. It helps so much to have someone who has been there and understands. I am doing pretty good actually. I just have an overwhelming peace from God that this will all work out for the good of all involved. I have a suspicion that if there is lying going on in all of this, then OW's H is the one doing it. He is still harboring a lot of anger and is on a course of revenge against my H. He has threatened him numerous times. My H is going today to speak with the commander of his base since they both work there. The commander knows the situation and has instructed before that they are to stay far away from each other. At the time of the birth, OW's H had moved out but no legal separation or divorce had taken place. Does that affect the things that you all have told me? I do not really want him to have to pay CS. I have to understand his place a little and see that he is not responsible for all of this. OW doesn't want ANYTHING from him or my H. She wants only to raise her daughters COMPLETELY on her own. By the way, I live in Mississippi if that helps whoever asked! Thank you all again!

lady clueless
exactly what scam could this woman be trying to pull, she is upset, she just had twins and husband is upset because they may not be his...
I think people over react.
If her husband takes dna and they are not his, he can divorce with out child support, but if they are breannas husbands children, he will end up paying and they state will decide how much, How can that be a scam.

Maybe the ow meant if her husband divorces her she would need child support in order to raise babies.. who knows she was upset and nervous at the time. I think we should not assume every other woman out there is out to scam someone or steal from the husband.. My guess is she is a girl who got involved with someone she shouldnt and now she is scared and has a thousands things running though her head. Instead of assuming the worse Let her husband get tested and then wait for her to contact you or go forward your self.

They may know the childrens blood type because of the mothers, My children and I recieve shot beause of my blood type, so they typed each one of them when they were born.
Tell me something why wouldnt someone want to know if they fathered children out there?

I do not think that OW is trying to scam us. My H seems to think she might be. I think her H is feeding her lies that scare her and she just relays that to my H and I. For the record, we have not been indecisive about our role in these children's lives. Before last Friday night, we believed that her H intended to be a father to them even though they were not his. We agreed that they best thing for the children was to allow them to grow up in a 2 parent household. I was shuffled around as a child and had a very hard time with it even though my parents did the very best they could. Last Friday we found out differently. All of a sudden OW's H was divorcing her and telling her that she HAD to have child support from my H for the divorce to go through. My H and I decided that if that was true, we would pay and be a part of the girls' lives. Then we talked to OW again, and she was hysterical and saying that we would never see her children and she WOULD NOT take our money. She wanted to find a way to get the divorce and leave us out of it. My H and I DO NOT want to go to court and fight this out. I do not want the pain of this situation to drag on forever in court. I think that is COMPLETELY understandable. If SHE asks for child support, then we will pay and be a part of their lives. I think the reason that she doesn't want anything from us is that she wants to move to AZ to be close to her mother. In this state if we shared custody, she might not be allowed to move, but if she was, she would have to meet us halfway between here and there every other weekend for our visit, and unless she got a hotel room and stayed there for the weekend, she would have to make the drive twice, once to drop them off and once to pick them up. I'm positive that she does not want to have to do that.

MALC...

NC is No Contact.

Thanks for taking the time to post those websites for me. They were very helpful!

Mof5,
Breanna and her H know this woman and could probably figure out what her intentions could possibly be. I just meant that the whole story about her having to get CS from Breanna's H before her H could get a divorce is such a load of crap that I wondered if they weren't trying to get Breanna's H to pay CS and perhaps NOT get a divorce. If her H is angry (understandably), it could be his idea of making Breanna's H "pay" for having an affair with the OW and get a little extra money. I guess I'm cynical because I used to work for a criminal investigation unit in an agency and saw all kinds of stuff that people tried to pull.

Now, Breanna, I live in Mississippi, too. I do know that when the wife is pregnant, the H CANNOT divorce her until after the birth. He can file, but the divorce will not be final until after the baby is born. He CAN deny paternity when he files for divorce, which means that a paternity test will be ordered. If the child is the H's, he will pay CS. If the child is not the H's, then it is up to the mother to go after the real bio-father for CS. Or, if she goes on public assistance, the Child Support division of DHS will go after him. My niece's H tried to get a divorce (after she refused to abort THEIR child) without telling his lawyer that she was pregnant. He then tried to deny paternity, but the baby is his. The divorce was not granted until after the baby was born. He is paying CS, and he does participate in his child's life, although my niece says that she thinks that is the influence of his 2nd wife (who was not an OW). Niece is very happy with the fact that the 2nd wife and her family are very loving toward her child and really good to him.

Blood typing....well, if you go by blood types, our children would seemingly not be my H's, even though our daughter is my H's mother made over <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> . I am A+ and H is O+. Our children are both A+.

I concur with Mof5 that the children's blood could have been typed if the OW's blood type was RH negative; however, if this was her first pregnancy, it would have been unnecessary for that reason. Of course, the doctors could have ordered blood testing just in case the OW could possibly have had a prior undetected pregnancy that miscarried. BTW, my mom has RH- blood and has 5 RH+ kids without any of us having any kind of problems from it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> They didn't have the RH shot back then.

OK, now. It's possible that if the OW is wanting to move out of state, that could be why she doesn't want to pursue CS if it means sharing custody. As the birth mother, unless there is a custody order, she automatically has sole custody unless the twins are proven to be her H's. That wouldn't stop her from being able to file for CS AFTER she moves out of state, but then Breanna's H could still counterfile for joint custody in that state. Probably, since the twins are so young, that would mean that Breanna and her H would have to travel to the other state for visitation. I seriously doubt that overnight and weekend visitation would be granted just yet, especially if the OW is BFing.

Anyway, like I said before, I would just set aside the CS amount and see what happens from the OW's end. Even if her H does get a divorce, couldn't it be a possibility that she was with someone else besides Breanna's H?

Ok, just taking a stab at it, it is possible that OW&#8217;s H is considered the legal father and may not be able to shrug off that responsibility unless someone else assumes legal responsibility for the twins (this is state specific). In other words, her H may truly want to divorce, but does not want the burden of paying CS for children that are not his. If he does not push the CS issue and press OW to pursue paternity and CS against WS, then OW&#8217;s H may end up with 18 years of CS. His choices are divorce and pay CS for the twins, or push OW to seek CS from MM and THEN divorce&#8230;.sans the CS debt. Did I make any sense? I&#8217;m still working on my morning coffee and a couple of Sudafed. Hope everyone is doing well.

Breanna, the ball is in OW's court, so don't rush the game. Let her make the next move, if she even intends to. If she is adament about NC and her H really wants to divorce, then I don't see her bending to his will about the CS. Her priorities have shifted solely to the twins and her H may be SOL. I know that's not a very nice way to put it, but it IS the bottom line.

OB1