Today was a real strange day.

I had no sooner gotten to work and H called to tell me that exOW had called. She had no daycare for Lil Bit. The babysitter was in the hospital and will be there for 2 wks.

So, H told her to bring her to him, he would watch her.
This is fine with me… I just am leery of this new turn of events.

This babysitter is “supposed” to be the same one that was 8 months pg in Oct of last year, then 8 months pg still in January of this year, indecently there is still no baby.

So, now H is going to be babysitting Lil Bit every day… like he did when she was 2 months old… but for how long is still up in the air.

I smell something foul in the air…
I don’t fully know what she is up to, but I am positive that it is something.

Also, H called our attorney today. He actually got to talk to her!!!
He told her about our concerns over the bruises… he told her about the change of daycare situation… he told her about several different things, including those that I have not mentioned here …
She feels that things may begin to move faster now. These things are beginning to snowball and exOW seems to feel that she is in a “safe zone.”

Also, last Tuesday there was a motion brought up in court by ExOW’s attorney (public defender) that the holiday schedule be set. He did not inform our attorney and had she not been in the courtroom to hear it brought up on the docket, she would not have known at all.
Apparently this all came about because of the Birthday situation last month, and exOW thought she was going to gain something… Well, because of the lack of information the court has pushed it back… and NOW we are aware of it and are going to be better prepared for whatever they (exOW and her attorney) have up their sleeves…

Remember she denied him extra time, 3 hrs, on Father’s Day? Well, according to our attorney, Father’s Day H should have had her all day, some state law or something, and exOW had no right to deny him that time with his daughter.

So now, there is something going on in the court… and it may lead to some new development with Custody… Who knows?

Having your husband watch her is what you wanted in the first place isnt it ? SO that is great give her more time with him and you will know she is safe.

I would caution you to not got to court to many times over little petty stuff like three hours.. A judge may grow weary and not listen to the important things.

I know it is important to you but if you really truly are concerned about her well being when she is with her mother, you need to focus on the big stuff. Her health is more important than who got the most hours on a given day.

Maybe you could get your attorney to suggest parenting classes for ow , If you can get tangible evidense. Next time you have her and see bruises take her to emergency room, whereever you are and ask that she be seen, that is the best way to get the ball rolling. If the dr thinks there is reason other than child hood falls and mishaps he will look into it, but you will have made your case.

Mo5,

Why is it that you can’t seem to see what I am saying?

ExOW is the one that is bringing it to court this time.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Also, last Tuesday there was a motion brought up in court by ExOW’s attorney (public defender) that the holiday schedule be set. He did not inform our attorney and had she not been in the courtroom to hear it brought up on the docket, she would not have known at all.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We are in the process of compiling the evidence and building our case.
H called our attorney to update her on the latest news and this was dropped in our laps.

We have not been to court since April and that was for probably about a total of 20 min. When it comes to new information we call or fax our attorney to keep her informed as to what is going on.
This “babysitting thing” is a new development in the case. H used to watch Lil Bit every day, then when everything went to court she took her and wouldn’t let us see her at all. Then the Parenting time was then set in place by the court. At that time, it was also suggested that H be the DayCare for Lil Bit but exOW refused. She threw a fit in the “conference” and the GAL said that she was hostile. And now, she changes her mind? She is manipulative and I know she is up to something.

I have said before, ExOW declined to take the parenting classes for her son… what makes you think that taking any class is going to change this woman?
She didn’t care enough about her son to keep custody of him.

She is hell-bent on wrecking havoc in my family.

And no amount of classes will change that about her.

Sorry to get defensive, but you don’t seem to understand where I am coming from.

Step into my shoes for a minute. See things from my POV.
How would you feel, if your H had a child from an A and the woman was hell-bent on splitting you and your H up? And she didn’t want the child but was using her as a pawn in her game?
I am certain if you were in the shoes of many of the BS’s here, you would feel slightly different.

Remember, every situation is unique. We all deal with it differently.

Thank you for your input.

I am sorry for upsetting you. But your right I dont see it from a betrayed spouse point of view. But you know what this is about the health of a child and the well being of a child and what she did or did not do with your husband has nothing to do with lil bit and her abilities as a parent.
I just dont want to see you get hurt in court over things that could be prevented. If ow hangs her self that will be different, but if you argue the same petty junk it will make you look like a vindictive wife who is out for revenge...
so is it about lil bit or the fact that at one time she tried to split you and your husband up ?
Just my opinion and we all know how much weight that holds here, But You cant make lil bit be about what that woman did with your husband...


You are right I have never been a betrayed spouse with an OC, so the fact that I have been a betrayed spouse too many times to count means nothing. But What I do know is all this fighting does nothing for that child. and that goes for all parties. But unfortunately most people do not see this.

You know ever time I think I should talk with om and tell him we see too much other and we should try a new approach from what I have learned on here.. I then see people having these kinds of problems and fighting over three hours here and a birthday there. You know what I will just keep things as they are, in fact I am going to have lunch with OM now and tell him I was wrong. and we will keep doing things this way.

I have no desire to drag my child through a mess like this.
I believe you love lil bit, but I believe your anger for ow gives you reason and the want to take her child.

I still stand by what I said. If there is abuse go to the nearest hospital and have her checked out and have them call police therefore opening a case. Because in court you need proof.
Now I am not sure how that advice is against you. But again sorry. I am not emotional about all this stuff, so I guess it appears I dont understand or care. THAT isnt true I care, but i have to see the realistic side of things and know there are two sides to every story.

so good luck and document everything it will help you in court. Just make sure your doing it for the right reasons.

Stacia,

I read this thread last night, but was a little too tired to respond. I think that your attorney is right, that things are snowballing right behind xOW, and when she thinks that everything is going her way, she will be crushed by it!

As for the babysitting thing, just enjoy it while you can, and keep documenting everything! Have you ever spoken with the daycare provider yourselves? I'm just wondering why xOW would say things like she's 8 mos preg in Oct, and still in Jan? That's just screwy! I know xOW is screwed up in the head, and she is acting quite irradically, and I would feel the same way, that something is going on here.

I will keep my fingers crossed, and pray that things work our for you, and that Lil bit ends up where she belongs! From all that I know about xOW, I am still amazed that the courts are still having you share custody with her! I just hope it doesn't come to Lil bit being horribly abused before that happens!

I wish that I had better advice than to keep doing what you are doing! Just know that I am praying for you guys(for EVERYTHING)!

Love and Prayers,

Tigger

Stacia,

It does sound like ex-OW is up to something. Well, just enjoying having Lil Bit there with you. I would be carefully though and document everything so ex-OW does not claim child abuse against your H.

That is weird about the Holiday thing. Well, it sounds that ex-OW is starting to mess up. Maybe your lawyer is correct about it snowballing against ex-OW. Lets hope so.

Dawn

<small>[ August 13, 2002, 01:18 PM: Message edited by: Dawn71 ]</small>

Thank you Tigger.

No, We have not talked to the DC person.

ExOW expressly told the GAL that this woman did NOT want us to contact her.

The number that we were given, on a just in case basis, has been disconnected.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Big surprise <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Oh well.
At least we now know that she is being cared for properly.
H isn't getting the sleep he is used to... but oh well.. LOL

Stacia,
I just edited my last post. It makes sense now!

Dawn

It's a trade off...lose a little sleep (ha ha) and gain precious time with Lil Bit. It sounds like you got the better end of the deal. Everything is an opportunity, Stacia. Look at it that way. Enjoy her and take comfort in knowing that you and H are walking the right path and doing what is right and best.

OB1

Stacia,

Not really sure what OW's motives are, but I can tell you about a stunt my OW pulled.

OW decided she was going to quit her daycare worker job (where she got FREE day care for OC and her other two daycare aged children) to go get a job waitressing at a bowling joint down the street from her house. Her hours were going to be 6pm to 2am. She wanted H to pick up child from her home everyday on his way home and then at 2am drive the OC to her home! Mind you this is when my H was working two jobs the second that started at 2:30-3am delivering the newspaper.

We called her bluff and told her we could do the pick up thing, but that the baby would have to stay all night with us and wewould drop her off in the am when our kids went to school AND we would reduce CS because we would be providing the sleeping residence and nightly meals. She changed her mind and kept her day job! Go figure.

In hindsight I think it was OW's last ditch effort at my H. In the past when they were having the affair on a few occassions my H would go to her house instead of his night job at the newspaper. That's how they squeezed in some "overnight" time. I kinda confirmed her motives with this job switch later when H told me about OW making comments like, "are you sure you don't want to give it a roll for old time sake?" all around the same time of the job switch.

Maybe she thought having him over there at 2am when the lights are low and everyone's asleep she could "lure" him back in her bed. I don't know ... but I knew I wasn't going to tolerate him over there in the middle of the night (not that I didn't trust him, it was just inappropriate!). Not to mention no baby needs to be driving around at 2am.

Anyway, I told you all this because I don't know how frequently OW and your H actually do the drop off/pick up when you aren't around. With his watching the baby those occassions will probably be more frequent and she may see this as an opportunity to get "closer."

Or maybe I'm just to cynical and paranoid. Who knows.

Z.

Z,
That is my feeling.

The only time that I am not at the exchange is when I am working.
H now picks Lil Bit up on his way home in the mornings.
This does make it easier for exOW to have her "alone time" with him.
He has insisted that she meet him in a parking lot.
She tried to get him to come to her apartment, but he told her no.
She has even tried to find out exactly which apartment we live in.
H told her he would meet her out front on days that she works half day.

This is the first week of this new arrangement
and I am not sure if she will continue it past
the "hospitalization" time frame.

I commented to H that I had thought about carrying him
to work, so I would be at all the exchanges.
He said that would be playing HER games.
So, I am staying out of these morning exchanges.
I don't like it... but I am working on trusting H.

Stacia,
I think I have to agree with Zebrababy on this one.

Dawn

Well,
Z and Dawn... our suspisions were definitely on the mark! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

ExOW is definitely using the exchange times that I am not there to slip in some "alone time" between her and H.
She attempted it this morning! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
H told me all about her little "seduction attempt" this morning.
And today is her "half day" at work so she was probably
trying to "prep" him for when she got off work.

Sorry, Mo5... but when you deal with a psycho like this,
you begin to get a feel for when they are up to something.
BTW, how did your "lunch" with OM go?
I pray that your H knows what is going on, if not...
I would have to say, FOG ALERT! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Staci,

You always have to rely on your insticts. Have you guys decided what you are going to do? As pathetic as she is you know she going to keep throwing herself at him. He has to be strong and you have to trust him but I wouldn't feel comfortable knowing my H has to deal with her advances every morning. And on half days why can't they still meet at the parking lot instead of in front of your building? Hopefully I'll chat with you later.

Tee

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Sorry, Mo5... but when you deal with a psycho like this,
you begin to get a feel for when they are up to something.
BTW, how did your "lunch" with OM go?
I pray that your H knows what is going on, if not...
I would have to say, FOG ALERT!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My dear
You can flame me till the cows some home... I am a big girl. Yes of course my husband knows. I have lunch with OM once a week and some days my husband joins us and we talk about daughter or business anything that we want. But it gives my daughter time with all of us and she sees we are not making her choose and that we get along. WE both love her and we dont hate each other, we are friends. AS long as my husband has no problem with it, I dont guess any one else should.

SO in answer to your question, lunch was great and d had a wonderful time. My husband would have joined us, but he had some things he had to do. But when om came and picked up daughter last night, My husband and he spent half an hour chatting.

I would guess there is always danger of rekindling a romance that lasted so many years, but to be perfectly honest with you as much as I care about om.. I like my self more than I want to be in a relationship with him again. But I can get along and not fight with him in order for my daughter to have a good loving family. She is so wonderful she deserves every chance we can give her.

Funny how when people dont agree with the bs's on here or have a different opinion, every one gets upset and starts making snide remarks and childish inuendos.. I am too old to play that game. I wish you well. I only offered An opinion...seems I am damned if I do .. damned if I dont. I cant go around like some and agree with everything you say, just so I dont get flamed. You are learning how to be a parent on a part time basis.. one day you will see things in a different way.

My husband also has access to this web site and can read anything I write, I have showed him post many times.

Mo5,
The comment was not meant to be a flame. If you will look back, you will see the wink...
It was an attempt to tease you just a little.
I know you are not "rekindling" anything with OM, you have stated that OVER AND OVER.

You have been very supportive of my involvement with Lil Bit and up until I mentioned anything to do with going to court against exOW, everything ws peachy with you. Why does that bother you?

Me thinks thou doth protest too much.

MHO

Stacia,

I had to finally jump in and say something. First and foremost, if you think LilBit is being abused, MOMof5 is dead on, you need to collect physical evidence and focus on the big issues not the petty stuff. Choose your battles, go for the ones where you have hard core proof and let the others fall back, using only when or if you are desperate.

On a side note, I can see all sides here to some degree. I don't agree completely but I understand. Isn't that the beauty of forum's? There is no rule or expectation that everyone will see your POV. That is how we learn and grow, from considering the POV that we hadn't thought of.
I do see that you took a shot at Momof5 and it wasn't right. Try and understand we all come in from different angles and none are wrong. Take it or leave it here but don't take potshots.

Warm regards,
CM

Ummmm, just as an FYI, Stacia and her H are correct in reporting ALL actual occurrences, suspicions, and potential problems that involve OW and Lil Bit to their attorney. It is the attorney's job to determine what is relevant and what can be construed as petty. He/she has the legal expertise and judicial experience to know what will fly in court and what won't. The best thing that Stacia and H can do is document EVERYTHING and turn this "journal" over to the attorney on a regular basis. A lawyer cannot adequately represent you if you are not completely forthcoming about everything that could have a bearing on your case....no matter how minute or insignificant (or petty) it may seem. It's a standard rule of practice.

I think it would be a good idea to remember that how it may SEEM and how it actually IS are not always the same. There's always a lot more going on behind the scenes. A little tolerance and patience sure goes a long way. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

OB1

OB,

I am actually very familiar with our judicial system. I would never say that Stacia and her H should determine what is real evidence and what is not. It is their burden to produce it. I read in one of posts that there is suspect physical and emotional abuse. If a parent sees bruises, there is a protocol to follow to document and open a case. Rather than focus on what OW motives may be such as to snag H into her bed, perhaps OW abusing a baby is the larger issue considering the A is over and H is to be trusted. I am not suggesting that Stacia ignore OW antics but I am saying that whether ow is operating from a view point that she wants H back in her bed will not be of interest in court. The judge won't want to hear about it.
You are correct, an attorney will choose the battles for the client. However, a fine attorney would also tell stacia to follow protocol for producing the evidence. The burden is on them to prove abuse is occuring and attorney requires more than someone saying she saw a bruise back when.

CM,

I don&#8217;t disagree with you one bit. My comments were based solely on the discussion of relevant vs. irrelevant information from a litigation standpoint. I deliberately chose to not comment on Stacia&#8217;s upset over OW antics. My opinion on that, though, is that, while I agree that the suspicion of abuse is a definite priority and warrants investigation, it is not the only issue. I believe that Stacia loves Lil Bit a great deal and will take the necessary steps to ensure her safety. In my eyes, that&#8217;s assumed. Therefore I did not feel the need to point it out. However, the suspected abuse is not the only upsetting factor in this situation. OW appears to be conniving and manipulating and is creating discord. While Stacia&#8217;s H may have regained her trust, OW&#8217;s machinations are still an irritant and pretty hard to ignore. I highly doubt, however, that Stacia would make that fodder for the court. It appears we have several things going on in this thread and it&#8217;s getting convoluted, to say the least. I see the following as separate: 1) Stacia is keeping their attorney abreast of ALL that occurs with Lil Bit and OW. 2) Stacia has concerns that there is physical abuse of Lil Bit. 3) Stacia is venting over OW&#8217;s latest machinations. Maybe I interpreted that part of Stacia&#8217;s posts wrong, but what I saw was Stacia venting over OW&#8217;s lack of respect for her marriage and futile attempts to lure him away. I didn&#8217;t see where she was going to make it a matter for litigation. In any case, I do appreciate your perspective.

I think I need another coffee and more Sudafed.

OB1

P.S. How goes it with your situation? I&#8217;ve been keeping up with the board, but I don&#8217;t comment as much as I used to. Your story really pulls on me, and I hope for the best for you and yours.

<small>[ August 14, 2002, 12:39 PM: Message edited by: ohbratti1 ]</small>