Hi all, just wanted to vent a little here...

I am having the worst time coping with everything right now.

I've said before that I'm getting my Master's, well that means I work at least 60 hours a week at my day job and my internship. I also have a little one I am trying to be a good mommy for.

And then, of course, there's the whole A/OW/OC/psycho ILs issue.

I am sinking into the first depression of my life. I feel angry ALL the time. Really, I constantly feel angry. I have stopped even TRYING to control the LBs I hurl at my H. And he doesn't really deserve it--he's going through a lot, too, between the OC and his family deserting him, PLUS his dad is in the hospital right now.

BUT, I am feeling so tired and overwhealmed by everything that I just have no compassion left in me. I want to be babied and loved the way he was before all this drama happened. He is so wrapped up in his problems all he hears from me is LBs. And meeting my ENs? Forget it, he's too busy. I've tried everything from attempting to meet his ENs to screaming at him to wake him up and have him focus on US, but he is just too in to his problems. And I quit caring about it.

I know that the situation is talking, but right now I feel I'd be better off without the whole mess. I do love my H, and for once I know he loves me, but it just isn't working.

ARG.
EJ

Hey EJ...

You'll get more of the warm fuzzy empathising from the ladies here, but I'll give you a 'to do' list.

1. Get on anti-depressants if you feel depressed. Depression is a chemical imbalance, and there's very little reason you should tough it out (no more than breaking your leg and refusing a cast).

2. Try to figure out how to get a break. Hire help. Trade for help. Ask your husband for help. Do what you can.

3. Eliminate the lovebusters. You don't necessarily need to meet his needs right now, but you shouldn't be actively killing his love for you. It's gotta stop. Anti-depressants are often good medical tools for learning control in this area.

And

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I want to be babied and loved the way he was before all this drama happened</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Who the heck doesn't... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

4. Give your husband one or two very easily understandable things that he can do for you to meet some of your unmet needs. Make them pretty easy, because he has a full plate. But if he's able to do them for you---it'll let you know that you're still loved. Fixing the whole marriage can be overwhelming, even without these problems. Make it one or two specific, actionable items.

EJ,

Actually, K gave some wonderful advice! K, it may not have been warm and fuzzy, but it's stuff that I've heard many other's offer in the past! I think that you should take K's advice and run with it! See if you can make a list for yourself, of things that you think your H could do right now that would make you feel babied and loved again! Stop the LB'ing, and make a concerted effort to do so! Maybe you could do that rubberband on your wrist thing that they sometimes do for addictions! Every time you feel the need to LB, snap your wrist to "snap" you out of it! Then make an effort to deposit into his love bank for you by doing or saying something loving or supportive. If you feel you are slipping into a depression, than definately seek out medical help for it. There's nothing wrong with needing a little help when it gets unbareable!

I wish that I had more to offer right now! Just take care of yourself, and stop the LB'ing, and see if you might be able to get a day or evening off either by yourself, or w/H. Take some time for yourself, cause if you are too exhausted to even deal with your own feelings, how can you deal with everything else?

Love,

Tigger

I'm all for anti-depressants when the symptom's call for it. Go see your OB/GYN or primary care physician and tell him your story and how you are handling your anger/frustrations and how they are affecting you and your loved ones.

Mine gave me some samples of Wellbutrin to try and they were fabulous. And the plus: non-addictive! I worried because addiction runs in my family. I stopped taking them months after I began when my marriage started full swing into recovery. But without them, I may have LB'd us into divorce court!

Good luck,
Z.

<small>[ August 16, 2002, 06:32 PM: Message edited by: zebrababy ]</small>

Well, I guess I must be one of those who would refuse to cast my broken leg because I've always believed meds can delay the stages of emotions that you need to go through in order to heal. HOWEVER, that being said, I have come to the realization that there are circumstances where meds are necessary for some people because life is so incredibly overwhelming when dealing with life's ultimate tsunami as we are here on this site.

It sounds like you are in the "rage stage" and busting your hsuband's chops at every opportunity. While this is kind of cathartic, it is also very destructive. Your marriage can probably survive some of this, but you should find other ways to vent your rage...bring it here instead. And try meds to get you through the stresses since you have so much to deal with right now.

Oh yeah, it is real normal to feel indifferent about the marriage at times...just know that will change and you will go through yet another stage of wanting your marriage more than anything. It's a weird cyclical process and once you've gotten through some of the major stages and settle into acceptance, you'll probably start feeling more normal and less resentful for longer periods of time.

Get that cast on that broken leg! How's that for warm and fuzzy?

Catnip =^^=

EJ,
I don't know how much advice I can give you but I will just tell you how I am dealing with my situation. My dday was the beginning of the year. I found out through I letter becuase my H knew how much it would kill me and didn't know how to tel me. Like you my LB's were out of control and I was hating my H more and more veryday. I would talk to him about it and all we would do was fight. I was dealing with his A, my courses our children my needs and the fact that whatever I needed he ws not fullfilling. I went to the Dr and now I am on paxel. About 3 weeks ago everything changed. I sat my H down and told him not to say anything. I told him that he was not meeting my EN's or wants and maybe it was time to call it quits, I couldn't do this anymore. I told him that I needed to wake up at least 1 time with out this garbage being my 1st thought. I told him that becuase of his actions I wasn't attracted to him and I told him a story. ( I won't get into the details). To make a long story short. My point is he finally got what I have been screaming, crying, and yelling at him about for 5 months. The last 3 weeks have been nice. We have been talking about his A and possible OC and what we need to do to put our marriage back together. I am loving him more and more everyday even more then before. No matter what do do, you will never be like you were before. My life has changed forever but maybe in the end I will have a stronger and deeper love for my H. We still have a while to go before OC is born and I am so scared but because of our talk, I can now lean on my H and tell him how I am feeling and know that he is deeply sorry for what he did and he will do whateer it takes to make me feel better. No matter what you do always talk to God. He will help you through everything, just trust him.

God Bless

DBH