Here is where my wife and I are at. She is pretty much in a state of withdrawal. We talk on the phone a couple of times each week and we get together for dinner and usually a movie or otherwise go to a local coffeehouse for conversation. She does not initiate any serious conversation yet she is clearly hurting. Basically, she had an affair and, has moved out. I don't think she is seeing this other person any longer but, at the same time, doesn't think I really love her, though I do. I realize that, at some level, I was not meeting her emotional needs. It is difficult right now in that she says that she knows I have head knowledge about doing all the right things but not heart knowledge. I have been considering getting her an expensive piece of jewelry for Christmas (never done anything like that before). It would on one hand show thoughtfulness and desire but I fear overwhelming her and making her feel pressured to recommit. What makes me go back to this gift is that at one point, she said she wanted to be "swept away". I am interested in any thoughts some of you have-particularly anyone who has been in the position of being in a state of withdrawal.

I hope you read this reply becouse i have been & still am where your wife is now i never had an A but i have been veary EN neglected i think what would mean the most to your wife would be something from your past remiend her of why you feel in love w/ each other take
her back to the time when she was the center of your world. It will mean more to her then any bling$$ <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Show her you put alot of thought in to it just for her!! GOOD LUCK it will take alot of soal serching <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> (if that dosent work get her a puppy)

Thanks for the insight. I was leaning that way and had already picked out something. We actually got together tonight and had some good conversation and she opened up to a significant extent. Quite honestly, the more she opens up and, in turn, I just listen without judgement or criticism, the more we realize that both of us failed to communicate with each other. A big part of this is that she feels as if she is a "bad person" for what she has done and the real challenge is listening without criticizing but at the same time affirming her that I love her and think she is a good person. Thanks for your insight. Take care.

I think you got some good advice. Don't do anything too extravagant. But let her know you still love are and think of her as a precious part of your life.

You might post on "Just Found Out" or another board in the Infidelity section...some of the people there are at the point where you are. They might have some good advice.