Let us know how your lunch goes with Doc and meeting FOW....I often debated with myself whether I should go and see what my H's ex-ow looks like....not sure if I wanted to....but then.....like you said....faceless enemy...

I will be interested in knowing your thoughts on seeing her...not to be mean or anything, but it's an emotional issue for me...

Thanks,
Twiisty

I am hoping this is the final "hurdle" that I need to overcome. I have this need to see this woman, and I know it's going to really P*ss me off. Doc knows this as well, but he's supportive of my coming to the office and it was even his idea on how I can see her and have me be in control of the situation. Yesterday I went over and over the reasons for me wanting to do this, and did I really want to put myself thru this.

I picked Doc up Friday from work and he on his own showed me where her desk was, which for him to volunteer anything is HUGE, I had no idea she sat so close to him or that they could even see each other from thier desks..it made me physically ill.

I just don't know what else to do...something is preventing me from letting go ..it has nothing to do with Doc's behavior, he's been nothing less than wonderful

I've gone over every possible thing I could say or do when meeting her...from knocking her off her chair to thanking her for helping improve our relationship...but I think I'll just politely introduce myself as Doc's girlfriend and offer my hand

I'll let you know how it goes....

GOOD LUCK,
i KNOW THIS IS DIFFICULT FOR YOU, i AM SURE YOU WILL BE NERVOUSE, JUST HOLD YOUR HEAD HIGH AND DONT LET IT SHOW.
HAVE A GREAT LUNCH

Docsgirl,
I am anixous to know how it went too. Good luck.

Dawn

Good Luck DG, I hope you lunch goes well.

DocsGirl,

I rememeber the first time I saw OW. It took everything I had not to stare at her. It was soooo weird. And I was soooooooo as queezy. I thought I would throw up all over her.

She seemed so calm and natural. I was angry later that she was so calm and I was a wreck.

I hated her having anything up on me. It was a big ole competition in my mind.

Can't wait to hear how it goes.
Z.

Well I did it...I've seen the enemy, or the percieved enemy. I believe it was Mary Janes who said "I want to know what/who almost robbed me of my life" and "what he saw in her", well in my case the reality of who she is pales to the image of the woman I painted in my own mind. I can be catty and say she looks totally butch and matronly, but truth be told all I really saw was a sad looking woman who appears to have no happiness emitting from her.

This meeting did not happen the way we thought it would go, she was infact not around when I got there, so Doc and I went to lunch and "calmed" me down so to speak( my nerves were a mess), I was ready to ditch it all and try again another time but Doc said, "you're here ...come back to the office after lunch and face her...I just want you to be better"

So I did, we walked into the area where they work , past her desk and she bolted..
We stood there for a moment ,Doc said..you've come this far let's go... then followed her, somewhat cornered her and I was introduced, and she ducked out again.
The ride home from his office sucked..Doc came home and we discussed how and what I was feeling, I cried ... he held my hand...I ranted about "butchwoman"... he took it, I asked once again why, and he told me again....and I think I finally heard him...she offered him what he thought would be cheap easy sex, no strings and I was 1800 miles away so he took her up on it thinking I'd never find out...

After I left, she came up to him and asked what that was all about and he told her that he didn't want to discuss anything with her.

So I've seen my "enemy" and she's a sad miserable woman that fakes suicide attempts and pregnancies trying to trap a new man to rescue her from her so called abusive marriage.

I'm glad I did it.

Yeah for you DG!!!

I remember the first time I saw exOW..

She had been calling H to get him to go with her and her mother to court over the Child abuse stuff against her exBF... She never thought I would be with H.

I wore a white short-sleeved sweater, long black skirt and dress shoes. At the time, I had no idea that I looked like an attorney...but looking back... I guess I did.. LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

She did not react to my being there.. I had met her mother just a few days prior to this.. and SHE knew who I was.
The boy was with them... he came running across the hall to where we were standing... calling H's name..
He jumped up in his arms...

While they were all standing around watching this touching exchange... I got my first GOOD look at her.
I was so surprised that she was so much larger than I am. Her hair was longer.. 6 inches of which was black roots from where she had dyed her hair and hadn't maintained it because of the pregnancy.

Then I got to see the exBF... also a large person... larger than H... strange... the whole thing...

I felt better about myself... but still confused as to why H chose her.

When she figured out who I was, she hit the roof.. she stormed out of the courtroom... made a spectacle of herself...
While I remained Cool... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

The next time I saw her was after the baby was born. Lil Bit was a week old... she brought her to H's workplace at 1am and I was there. H had told me she was coming.., so I was there too.
She was not happy to see me...
She tried to outstay me... but when H brought us all(there were 4 of us in the room) something to drink, he handed my drink and hers to me.. I then turned and said, Here's your Dr Pepper...
Within 5 minutes she was gone... having dropped a newborn crossways in the infant carrier.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Bravo DG!!!
Way to go Girl!

Hmmm. Well, it's over, DG.

I don't know what is tougher. To have the OW turn out to be a clone of Heather Locklear or Roseann.

My imagination took on a life of its own and I had this image of a woman who was everything I was not. My shock of how far off I was from the reality, shook me...and made me wonder what the hell was wrong with my husband. I thought, "My God, if your'e going to cheat and ruin our lives forever, at least make it worthwhile and choose someone worthy."

I was insulted. It was humiliating to be dumped for a time for something so out of character for him and someone who lacked so much. But, at the time, she gave him whatever it was he thought he needed.

It wasn't just about looks either. There was deficiency in intellegence, humanity, grace and dignity. She was a clod and because Bipolar is very refined, I was absolutely stunned at the glaring differences.

DG, none of this was ever about you. For some reason, Doc thought he could get away with this and thought this woman would be a safe way for him to build his self-esteem. You had quite a scare, but you have had an amazing reprieve. That is past now and forever and I would be stunned if Doc ever got amnesia and forgot the horrors of the past eyar and the almost consequences. This huge get out of jail free card is something I only dream of.

Just look at it that Doc has been reborn. And his appreciation of you has magnified. My husband says that all that has happened to us is like aversion therapy and a place he never wants to return to. A year from now with continued recovery, you'll be feeling better about everything. There will be times when life is wonderful between the two of you and you will suddenly stop and look at Doc and wonder. "How the hell could he do this?" and then things will return back to normal.

I am glad you saw her, too. Now you have a realistic imagine rather than a contrived.

Catnip =^^=

Well, I'm going to jump onto this "band wagon" and describe 2 of the OW, who I knew and counted one as a friend, and the other as someone who was an aquaintance. The aquaintance was someone who was stationed w/Sailorman on the first ship he was on. This was back when the women were only allowed to be stationed on non-combatant ships, and that's where Sailorman went to first. She had/has a D a couple months older than our S, and I became, what I thought at first, friends w/her. We would see eachother when I would visit Sailorman on his "duty" days, which they had the same one. Her H(which was not her D's father, in fact Sailorman was her 3-4 A!) would be there, and at one point, they were w/out a vehicle, so I would be the one to take her H home. No big deal, that happened twice, I believe. I can't even remember what we would talk about, very uncomfortable for me! Anyway, she was blonde, and of med build, and not very attractive, but not ugly. I was quite surprised when I found out, as H would complain about her w/another shipmate before we transferred! She was VERY clingy, and actually recently contacted H again! She is on H #4(I think) is back in the Navy as an officer, and tracked down my H! The gall of this bytch! But, Sailorman didn't even know who this officer was who had emailed him, and it took a couple times of reading the 3-4 line "note" to figure it out. He deleted it, w/out responding, came home, and told me about it. I told him to forward it home if he got another one!

The second OW had befriended Sailorman here before the kids and I arrived. They met at the base club, and she was the first person I met when we arrived. Sailorman invited her to come help us get our stuff moved into the house! In fact, she was the one helping him decide the best place for the bed in our bedroom, while I was checking off the boxes on our list! I didn't know the truth until after my H's D-day for me, and his guilt was just tearing him apart. Now, this OW was/is about 5 yrs older than H, but very good looking. I think this one hurts the most, because she was the one who was supposed to help me out when Sailorman was gone on his deployment! But, when I'd call her, she was either never home, or she was busy. I often wonder if, when she figured out what I was doing, if she was happy, because she never emailed Sailorman about it, just told me to "be careful"! Needless to say, she told Sailorman, the day that he called to tell her I now knew, that "we could still be friends!" UGH!!!!! I also wonder if she had been a true friend, and not just playing friend to keep me from suspecting anything, if I would have screwed up. Probably at some point, as it was our not meeting eachother's needs that pushed us to do what we did to eachother! Oh well. I guess that with this move, I'm a little touchy, kinda a trigger for me.

Unfortunately, that is something that I can't change, but it is in the past, and I can only work on the present! I think it's like MJ said, it's better to know your enemies. I'm glad that you had a chance to face her, and now you can start to put it in the past and work on your present time w/Doc!

Love,

Tigger