Hello,
Well I'm back. I had been away for a long time because even though I know this message board is helpful, it also got me more depressed. I updated my profile below and have a couple of questions.

Anyway, It's been just over a year since d-day. My H received the paternity test results just a week short of the year. My H is not excluded as the biological father and the probability is 99.99%+. So....I guess, yes, he is the father. This entire year has been very difficult. I read the results and for a few moments continued normally then all of a sudden I freaked out & became nauseated and walked out crying my eyes out.

We've stayed together since d-day but with lots of ups & downs & I don't know how we've made it this far. We went to counseling a little while but that became expensive. We also joined Marriage Encounter through our church. That's probably been the best keeping us together. Making love is still very difficult to block his affair out. Before d-day we had been planning a 2nd child, which had been very difficult to conceive. Seven months after d-day I had a miscarriage for a 2 mth pregnancy that I was very excited about. Using no birth control.

Child Support paperwork went to my H job in April. Now that paternity results are back, I have some questions. A letter arrived with additional paperwork that needs to be completed, Income and Expense Declaration-including salaries, # of persons living in our home and income for each person, which would include MY salary, and what monthly expenses there are. So does my H need to put all OUR income and OUR expenses? Does my income need to be included? I make much more than my H so does that mean that they'll require him to pay more based on our total income? My H also pays CS for his son from his 1st marriage. We live in California. Does anyone know what the standard procedure is? Does it differ from state to state? HELP! It irks me to think that this would happen. I told my H that if that is the case that we would file for a divorce if it meant they wouldn't consider my salary into the equation.

Second question--So the letter that is included in the above paperwork, says that he needs to make an appt. to sign a declaration of paternity form along with the OW in each other's presence! Has this happened to any of you? What did you do? Did you go? I don't want to even think of being in the same room with her but I don't want her to even speak to my H either. I want to go and be there and at the same time, I'm not too sure. Any advice?
Thank you in advance and I pray and hope the best to all of you!

You can go to California law divorce web sites and find out answers to your questions about how the CS will be negotiated. They should factor in the CS he is paying for his other child and also supporting his children with you, but probably will also expect some of your income to be used to support your children.

States vary in how much CS is required, but in California I believe it can amount to 25 percent of the man's income, plush half of required child care and health insurance.

HIs CS for his other son is part of the 25 percent, so most likely the OW will get less than his first child getting CS.

Go to some CAlifornia web sites-they have some sites which you can ask your very questions.

Marigo

I am so sorry you are having such a tough time. The first year is really awful, I know.

California law is something I know nothing about but I would be extremely reluctant to give out any of my income information because I feel it is none of their business. But, you should consult an attoreny on this.

My hsuband and I filed for divorce and he issued me a quit claim deed on our house so the OW couldn't attach our equity or my share of anything. We continue to live as we always have and I am financially protected, at least as far as my house is concerned. We only did this because our OW was extremely aggressive and had our equity in her sites.

Also, if you are legally seperated and divorced, you can file for CS and decrease the OW's child support so that your financies aren't completely annihilated.

No one knows we are divorced and we just continue like we always have. We are into year four and are experiencing a wonderful and successful recovery.

Do what you must to protect yourself and your family. The OW will still get enough to support OC. You must think of yourself first and foremost. After all, this is your marriage, your life and your history and the CS laws are ridiculous and punitive, completely ignoring the family of origin and their needs, Until these extotionist laws are repealed and readjusted to something fair and reasonable, people like us will have to go to extreme measures to protect ourselves.

I'm glad you are back...Marriage Encounters is an excellent program. We did Retrouvaille right after d-day which is an offshoot of Marriage Encounters. Stick around, you need this site.

Catnip =^^=

Marigo,

I live in Cali and will try to be of help.

1) Court requests income info for all parties living in the household for the purpose of determining tax filing status. If H makes the most money, he is Head of Household, then he would have the least amount taken out in taxes, which would therefore increase his net disposable income…leading to a higher CS amount. The state recognizes that H could decrease his deductions to zero, which means he would have a good chunk of money taken out of his check, only to get it back as a tax refund. So, they ask for all household income. This way the court can see who makes what and who should be head of household. Once they figure that out, they can determine what his correct deductions would be and adjust his income accordingly. Once they subtract taxes, med insurance premium, union dues, mandatory work expenses (gas, lodging, etc), the final sum is the net disposable income. Typically, H would pay about 25% of this for CS for OC. However, since he has a pre-existing order, this will reduce the second order. In addition, the initial order takes precedence.
2) The Declaration of Paternity does NOT need to be signed in her presence! It can be handled on your first court date (OSC hearing). The judge/commissioner will ask H about paternity. If H acknowledges paternity, the judge will have him complete the Declaration before proceeding. If H denies paternity, the judge will order DNA testing.

Here’s a website that can be of help to you. www.courtinfo.ca.gov/selfhelp/

Thank you all for your responses. Hopefully my income will not be taken into account.

ohbratti1, I have a question for you, you said that the Declaration of Paternity does NOT need to be signed in her presence and that it can be handled on our first court date (OSC hearing). We don't have a court date or a hearing. We already did the paternity testing. My H (nor I) want to go to court. I've read the letter and it says that it needs to be in each other's presence. How do we appeal that, if we can?

What are any body's thoughts about being present in this declaration of paternity?

One more thing, when I had decided to give it a try (after d-day), I told my H I wanted to leave California. We are in the process of buying a home in Florida. (We do not own here). Should I be aware of anything when we move and/or when we own a home?

Thanks to all of you.

This does not make sense to me. It is a Declaration of PATERNITY, not maternity. Why would OW have to be there? Moreover, why the heck would SHE have to sign it? I can see POSSIBLY, where he would have to have the form notarized, but that’s as far as I can reason with this one. The only paperwork, regarding parentage, that I can think of for California, that BOTH parents would have to sign, is an amendment to the birth certificate. With H’s signature, this would suffice as a “Declaration of Paternity”. The more I think about it, the more I think I’m on target. H can go to the courthouse on his own and obtain the Declaration of Paternity, fill it out, and mail it to her. It acknowledges his legal responsibility without agreeing to changes on the birth certificate. If that is what she’s truly after and H doesn’t agree, she would have to get a court order to make changes.

Gee, you remind me of me. Anyway I wish I could help you but I live in PA. And when he had to sign those papers it said if he didn't the court would rule against him. So he never signed them and left it to the courts,note it was a results of 99.999% too. I would call the office and ask why she has to be in person? Another thing I used to get hang up calls too, and then we filed for harassment since we don't want no contact. She is not allowed to call my H for anything or come look for him even if its because of the OC,she will be charged. She tried to once and I quick called the cops and said we had a letter for no harresment and they warned her,next time that we would defintly charge. So you should call your lawyer about that if you have no contact w/OC and you don't want her either in your life. I hope things get better!