Yes, I've been a lurker. I've been lurking around for a couple of weeks now. I guess I wanted to get a feel of the place. Another reason was because sometimes I just don't want to talk about my sitution because I think it will just give me a relapse or something. Anyway I will tell my story soon though. But I wanted to ask do you ever wake up BLAHHH? Just feeling like you just don't care ? I mean you're not happy, but you're not sad either. Your just like what ever? You don't know what to do with yourself like is this really my life? I am on meds. maybe its that. And I don't want to bring anyone down with my thoughts.But does anyone have ideas on cheering up a BLLAAAHHH person?
(Here is my story ,short but to the point. Me and my H have been together for 7 yrs.Two years ago he had a A with a coworker. Which resulted of OC. He managed to keep it a secret until Sept. 2001 which is also my D-DAY. Because the OW got mad because he wouldn't leave me so she filed for child support and thats how I find out thru the mail. The A lasted about 2-3 months at the most more like a 3 nightstand within that time. Yes we do pay child support. And no there is no contact at all. We do marriage counsling together, and I do a therapy alone. I think I'm finally going into recovery but sometimes I just don't know? Thanks for listening!)

Welcome Love Bug,

I see you share the serenity prayer with me. Do you or someone you know attend AA or NA? My mother used to chant that prayer. She attended Alanon. But anyway....

Welcome ... The first year after discovery is a tough road. I truely is one step forward two steps back. Just when you think you are sailing on smoothe seas, a storm hits.

But they pass. With dilegent and hard work your marriage can blossom into the sweetest fragrance you've ever known.

Glad to hear you are in counseling. Have you read the MB materials on this site. We embrace the POJA and Emotional Needs. Has made a world of difference in our relationship. Communication is at an all time high!

With regards to your post. I get the blahs too. Usually right before menstrating. And God forbid the sun not come out and it's overcast outside. I want to curl up in the bed and ignore the world.

What pulls me out? The smiling faces of my babies. One of them telling me a funny story or asking for help with the computer or to read a book.

Another big helper is the warm arms of my husband. Man I just love to snuggle my face in his chest when he hugs me. I inhale his essense deeply and relax every muscle in my body.

And finally, when I can't get to my kids or my hubby and I'm feeling blah .... I tackle a time consuming project. Cleaning closets, moving furniture, cleaning blinds or baseboards. Whatever will occupy my time, my brain and wear my [censored] out!

Hope that helped.

Post often, ask questions, pop in on other's threads to give your opinion or just to cosign someone else's thoughts. Glad you are here.

Z.

Dear Love Bug,
My goodness, girl. You must be a very strong person to have gone through all you have. So if you feel BLAH sometimes, I think that's pretty normal! You also chose to stay with your H and work on your M, and I commend you for that. Sometimes it feels like hard work. Welcome to this web site, read everything you can, get the books His Needs, Her Needs; and Surviving the Affair.
Do you have any hobbies, or outside interests? If so, pursue them! Take care of yourself. That may help too.
Yes, today sometimes I have BLAH days. That's life. But it sure beats the H....LL out of D-Day, and the 2 months following. I sure don't want to go through that again. Back then, I wanted to be dead - and that's as honest as I can get. So BLAH is WAY better. Sometimes this helps me - another way to think of BLAH is SERENITY. At least there is nothing going on in my life that is upsetting or all consuming of my mind and energy. So, that is good too.
I cannot imagine what life would be like if my H's A would have resulted in another child. He wants more so desperately, and I cannot have any more so now we are looking at foster parenting and adoption. This contributed to his having an A.
I have a good friend and her H had an A which resulted in another child. His last two daughters from a previous marriage died in their teens from cerebral palsy complications. So here he is now with a new five year old. He never really wanted to leave his wife who cannot have children. So they stayed together, and the affair ended. But, he remains in close contact with his daughter who is now five. It is a shared custody situation, so the "no contact" rule is difficult to apply here. But, the marriage is stronger than ever, he is very happy to be a father again to a healthy five year old, and his wife who cannot have children is realizing the joy a young child can bring. It's not so bad, and I care about both of these people so much, its a relief to me that they have managed so far to work this out.
So, hang in there dear. Sometimes things are a blessing in disguise. Remember, this too shall pass. The only question is where do you want to be when you get to the other side?
P.S. By the way, to my amazement, the techniques suggested by Dr. Harley worked well, I feel I have improved myself, and my marriage feels great today.
Big hugs to you.
Big

First of all thank you for the support!
Zebrababy: Well I actually heard the prayer in a movie and that day I was really feeling down. And all of a sudden I hear this prayer and I'm like thats me! It helps alot when ever I feel like I'm going to bust or something I say that prayer to myself over and over. I just found out recently that it was the prayer they use in the AA meetings. But it fits me well! Anyway yes my kids do make me feel better too, but sometimes I don't like them to see me this way so I tend to lay low until I cheer up. Thank you for the other suggestions I will try them! WillingToTry: Thank you for the encourgement. It means alot to me when people think that I am strong. I always thought I was such a weak person, and now lately I've been realizing how strong I really am. It's hard though especially when there is OC involve. You feel like you will never get closure. I have dealt with alot,and plan to move forward soon.Thanks for listening! Both of you take care and much love!!!!

it's so nice to hear I'm not the only one. I think Ihave had a blah week. There are days when I just don't care. Lovebug, our stories sound quite the same. H had an A with a co-worker which was for a short time, 18 mths later I was told about A, because h was taken to court for cs. It has ben 5 mths since d-day and whoever said it is very correct the blah days are sure better than the first few after d-day. I wanted to be dead too, I could imagine nothing worse. Anyway A ended 23 mths ago and H has has nothing to do with ow or cs, and will not if he wants our marriage to work. Its hard to face the day when he walks out the door to work knowing she is still there also. He has occassional contact with her via phone, so he says, she must notify him of any medical emergencies etc. which just occured a few weeks ago, but supposedly she told him what happened and they hung up. It is so hard to believe him though, but I'm trying. So, yes it has been a blah day!!

Yelodaisy, sorry didn't get to this sooner, but why does she have to have contact with him on the phone? My H doesn't talk to her at all. In fact if she ever calls we can press charges because we have a no trespassing(sorry if spelled wrong)letter sent to her from our lawyer. If she ever wanted contact from my H it has to be third party. And that he doesn't even want. I guess it matters what state you live in ? Did you say your H doesn't pay CS ? If not how did you manage that? Anyway sorry for being so noisy? I hope you are doing o.k. And look forward to your respond!!

lovebug,
Yesssss, we are paying cs. Enough for three kids in my opinion. In fact I found out the other day if H dies, his estate, which is me will be responsible for cs until child is 18. I myself pray everyday for ow and oc to find someone to love them and marry her and adopt. I don't know why h feels she must contact him. I did see a copy of the court order and it did say that one party must inform the other party of any medical problems or procedures before ot happens of if er must inform within so many days. why I don't know. We do not have an attorney not because I haven't begged him to get one, b/c he doesn't feel it necessary. H looks at it as I owe the money what can you fight for? I look at it as peace... He says he doesn't want any contact, but I really believe he is doing that because he knows I will leave if he does, which scares me b/c I feel like matbe he's doing it behind my back. Somewhere on here someone told me you can give up legal responsibility and sole custidody to the other person, and still keep parental rights. He says he doesn't wnat to give up parental rights because it would cost too much, lame excuse in my opinion. My girlfriend said if he gives up parental rights, it's really going to look bad in court and the judge would probably be against him. So I told her him not seeing oc is probably just as bad. Of course the law is on poor little miss goody two shoes side anyway, if I was to leave him right now, with two children and one on the way, she would still get her full share up front and I would get left overs and if my part went over 50% of his income, I just wouldn't get mine. go figure... Well enough venting for now.. Yelo