Hi everyone,

OC was born Tues., 8.13.02. It was a girl as she thought it would be. OW called H at work Sat. 8.17.02 to tell him. She had a wreck and had to have an emergency C-section. He happened to be off Tues-Fri while she was in hosp. He told her he couldn't talk at work and that we would call her. (She had the baby at the hosp. where they both work.)

I called her that night, but she had company and couldn't talk. I finally got up the nerve to call her today. (H wants me to make all contacts with her). She told me that she had had a wreak on Tues. She wasn't hurt, but the Dr wanted to do an ultrasound to make sure the baby was ok. The baby was positioned crossways and the cord was around her neck twice. He told her that if she hadn't had the wreck and had gone into labor, that the cord would have come first, choked the baby and she would have died. I guess God was looking out for OW and OC.

OW has been very considerate of our feelings in all of this. She has told noone that H is the father. She says it is noone elses business. I truly respect her for that. She is using maiden name for OC last name. H name is on birth certificate.

She called DHS and told them that we wanted paternity tests. H will meet with them and they will tell him his rights as the father.

Right now we will wait for tests. I guess she is pretty sure he is the father, because she volunteered to have tests done.

If he's the father, we plan to set up an account to transfer the CS from and it will automatically go into her account.

We told her that if he is the Father, that we want her to raise OC, but that we will be there if she needs us. We also told her that if raising 3 children as a single parent is too much for her, that we will be glad to raise her. She said that if we ever want visitation, that we can work it out. We still haven't decided if we want contact. We still haven't told anyone. We plan to take one day at a time.

She plans to put baby in hosp daycare when she goes back to work in Oct.

OW has been dating a man for several months. He knows situation and is bonding with child. I hope things work out for her.

OW has been great through all of this and I told her how much I appreciated it. I know it could have been really ugly.

Please continue to pray for us that we will all make the right decisions for all concerned.

ButterflyBonanza

BB

It sounds like you have a reasonable OW and that you might have an amicable relationship.

It breaks my heart to hear that the new baby will be stuck in daycare when so little, so young. I have always, always deeply regretted putting my son in daycare all his young life. We missed out on so much, but most of all, my son missed out more than I could ever have imagined.

Good luck,BB...I know this is a difficult time for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Thanks for the update.

Catnip =^^=

Dear BB,

The OW in your situation is truly commendable for sparing your feelings as much as possible. Still, the birth of the OC brings up so many painful feelings that you have been trying to deal with since D-day. Be very good to yourself.

Share your feelings with your H. Pamper each other and communicate with each other. You seem to be handling everything well, at least on the surface. Don't ignore the feelings that are churning underneath the surface.

You have set up perfect plans to deal with the ex-OW. It is wonderful that your H wants you to maintain the contact with her, that will give you much needed peace of mind.

You and your family are in my prayers.

love,
heavenly

BB,
That is great that you are the one that has contact with her instead of your H.

This must be a very difficult time for you. Hang in there. I do not understand why your H is on the birth certificate. unless, your state does not require the father's signature. Did your H sign the birth certificate without DNA?

Dawn

butterfly,
I'm sorry for the rollarcoaster ride of emotions that you must be on. XOW being nice doesn't erase the pits we feel in our stomach sometimes. However "lucky" you may be to have reasonable XOW, you are still "unlucky" enough to be dealing with a child of infidelity.

Prayers for peace and wisdom,
J

dawn

H didn't sign bc.

i don't think she put him as father, but put babys last name as 'her maiden name-our last name'

i'm not sure if he'll sign bc if he proves to be the father.

pray for us that we'll make right decisions

bb

It sounds like things are going as well as can be expected in such an impossible circumstance.

Good Luck to you.

I can't begin to tell you how good I feel after reading your post. I'm basically in the same situation as yours only the OW is not as cooperative as yours. In fact she has been what I consider nasty by leaving phone messages of a baby's heartbeat on my answering machine. Reading your post has given me hope. I have to ask you how did you manage to pull this off? I mean how did you get the OW to work with you and your H peacefully. Any advice or suggestions I will sincerely appreciate. May God continue to bless you and your family. I pray that you find love peace and happiness throughout your marriage.

Robbed

Robbed,
Are you new here? Was wondering if you can tell us your story to better help you. Maybe start a new thread. ARe you working on the principles on this site?

Sorry to say welcome. There are many people on this site that can help.

Dawn

Hi,

Yes I'm very new here. I'm sorry I didn't introduce myself. You're right I do need to start a new tread. I'm the type who will lurk in the backround and post very little because I'm kind of shy and my story can be as long as a book. I have not officailly begun to work the principles found here. But from what I can see so far I'm sure that this site will be extremely beneficial to me. Thanks for the welcome and know that I'm looking forward to growing with the help of all of you.

Robbed

Im glad to see youre holding your head up so high. You are a commendable woman, who deserves respect for the respect you give. Many women couldnt do the same in your shoes, and your confidence and self respect speaks volumes. I think through it all, you will come out fine regardless of what decisions you choose to make. I know its hard to seperate the OC from the A, since it is in some ways one in the same, but it looks as though youre all trying very hard to be adults. The OC will also respect the OW and you and your H in the end.