H has decided to stay with me. OW is due in Jan. She called here today and told him he has one week to leave me. He told her no, so she treatened to take him for everything he has got. (which is not a lot) H says she is very angry at me b/c i will not leave. We want to help her, but H does not want to leave me. H is willing to pay CS and wants to see the baby. My problem is how increadably selfish she is being. My H is very remorseful for what he did. He is willing to not talk to his parents to stay with me. (they want him to leave for the baby) He is not backing out of responiblity, just keeping his vows. I am not sure what we need to do. Can she really take us for a lot of money. We do not really have all that much. but we do not have any kids so i am not sure. Should we just go through domestic relations or do we need a lawyer? If anyone has a chance, please let me know.

Well, i think you should at least see what your rights are, legally. I don't usually hang out at this board but I really feel for you in your situation. My father is a lawyer and he gets child support cases all the time. I believe the only financial help she can ask for is CS, which she has every right to do, and it's good that your husband wants to do this. However, she can't sue your husband for not leaving his wife! That is ridiculous. She knew he was married when she slept with him and to threaten either of you because she wants him to leave the marriage is HARRASSMENT. If she continues to do this in any way I would seek help, maybe file a restraining order or something. Maybe it's not that bad, but what she is doing is wrong. Is she mentally stable? I'm not being sarcastic, I'm really asking!!!

Sorry you are in this situation. I would go to a lawyer and see what your rights. If you review the site there are some people who have located legal websites where you can do research. You don't mention what state you live in, that would help when the more legally minded read and reply to you. different states have different guidelines. He will have to pay child support, take care of medical benefits etc, just like the child were a child of a marriage.
I always felt I would treat the child of my H's affair like a step-child, and his former lover like an ex-wife. However, it apprears the OW and ex-spouses are not easily dealt with.
The best for you personlly is decide what you want, your marriage, and set the guidelines, give them to the OW, and the in-laws and hold fast to them. Ony this way will you survive this mess. You may have to give up on the child if the OW beleives that because of the child she should have your H's attention fulltime. Some OW try to use the child as a way to make the H feel guilty and leave the wife. Catnip has some good responses to this. Go back and read some of her earlier posts.
Hope this helps, more should/will post.
Good luck, I will check back

TG

Dear Jen

Sometimes all we can do is shake our heads in amazement. The unbelievable crust of some people is astounding, but what troubles me the most is your in-laws flagrant disregard for your marriage and the the vows their son made to you. "Let no man put asunder" is dismissed by them.

No marriage should ever be sacrificed for any child. The couple together, acting as one person under God's covenants, can do more for a child by combining their efforts, rather than disassemble a household, creating division and dysfunction.

To sacrifice your marriage for an interloper's child, who is obviously using blackmail to manipulate the situation, (while enjoying the support of your husband's parents, who should hang their heads in shame) serves no one. Least of all the child. If your husband is not emotionally connected to the interloper, how would leaving you and setting up house with her benefit the child? It defies logic and makes no sense at all.

I would get extremely proactive on this and file a restraining order on the OW and put your in-laws on notice that they are violating your marriage with their lack of support and you will not be a party to it. They are creating a horrible situation with their misguided loyalty towards someone who is not part of the family. Just an interloper who obviously thinks she has the support of the in-laws and this is why she thinks she can be so bold she can start making demands and threats.

Undoubtably, they will be seeing the OC behind your backs. The disrespect alone towards your husband is unforgivable and I feel really sorry for his situation. He must feel there is no loyalty to him or to you and the marriage.

I don't understand people who can and would do this to their own.

Catnip =^^=

Yes, she can take you for child support if the child is his, but thats the end of what she can take. I cant believe she demanded that he leave you. She obviously hasnt woken up yet thats for sure. Reality will be a b*tch once she does.

As for the in-laws, thats one heck of a mess. Okay, so the child may be his, making this child their grandchild, but where is the respect for your marriage? I would be furious at them for that. I think your husband should be the one to tell them that they need to back off from the situation at this point. I mean you dont know for sure if the child is even his anyway. And the situation and all you are dealing with is between you and your husband and is yours to deal with right now, not them.

I wish you luck with all of this. Please keep us updated on how things go... your in our thoughts!

Ann

jen100: My stbxh and I are not together. He cheated on me with the OW and now she is pregnant with twins. He has now dumped her and is with someone else.

The first OW has filed a paternity action in the circuit court. She is asking for immediate support (before and after the babies are born), she wants him to pay for all the baby furniture, car seats, diapers, formula, special dietary needs for herself, medical expenses, etc. The list goes on and on. She is definitely going for the juglar but, he played, so now he has to pay.

I hope things turn out better for you. My advice is definitely get a lawyer and do it soon.

<small>[ August 26, 2002, 12:15 PM: Message edited by: Fingers1258 ]</small>

We live in PA. I hope this helps. Thank you for all of your support. At least now I know others feel the same way I do.

Get a lawyer. Depending upon the state it varies. I also think it matters if the county is involved. They will try to get reimbursed for all they can. In general, I think CS

My BIL got soaked for 1/2 the expenses of baby stuff, and CS.

If they say you are responsibel for 1/2 of the baby stuff, you want proof of purchase. You also want to know what was received as gifts for the baby so they don't try to seek reimbursement for those items (my BIL hangs around with a bunch of snakes)