The insurance sounds more like medical rather than life insurance. Am I right?

As for your "transgressions", all I can say that probably every one of us here has done the things you are doing after D-Day. It is simply "cause and effect". If Wayward does "X", the Betrayed's response is "Y" and sometimes even "Z".

A day will come when you no longer settle for taking it on the chin, too, Dumplin.

Good luck and God Bless

Catnip =^^=

No it's not life insurance; it's supplemental insurance for cancer and intensive care like AFLAC. I'm not concerned for my physical safety; was just thrown off-guard by someone wanting to invest our money into something for a family when he's talking about leaving.

I know that my "transgressions" as you call them are normal, but he doesn't seem to see it. He thinks I'm treating him like a prisoner or as a child. He's lucky that I haven't figured out how to record his phone calls yet, lol. Or I would be. I'm beginning to wonder if he's told her some crap about he's going to get a divorce, but can't afford it until October or something like that. I wish I could be a fly on the wall just once during their conversations to see what exactly is going on.

Catnip--I'm not trying to be rude, but what exactly do you mean by "not taking it on the chin"? I have never heard that expression before and don't know for sure what you are talking about.

Thanks for the advice.....

dumplin
go to [radio shack] They have everything you need to record your home phone. just stick the machine in another outlet, it only records when you pick up your phone .

Do you suggest that I do this? Or would it only cause more problems? His prisoner mentality????

<small>[ August 28, 2002, 01:29 PM: Message edited by: dumplin ]</small>

Oh I forgot to mention yesterday on the changes he has made, most of them I had to fight for before they happened. The computer stuff didn't end really until I put a spy program on there and busted him out everytime he lied to me. He also figured out you don't mess around on a computer when your wife knows more about them than you do. I have never gotten change out of him without fighting for it though. The only times he's had no contact (at least for a little while) is when I've left him and told him I wasn't coming back until all contact ended.

Dumplin, It has been more than a year since DD for me.I still check items of my H's, check his briefcase, check to see where he is, check to see what he does at lunch, when he used to see OW, etc. You do what you have to do.It is your H's job to happily tolerate your detective work to keep you-=after all, he caused the distrust, not you.

I could care less if my H likes it or not-I didn't like he had the A after all.

UW,

I can't get that through my H's head. He seems to think that I'm treating him like a child or a prisoner. I have told him repeatedly that I do it so I WON'T find anything and I can build up trust. He says that if he was trying to hide something that he could hide it better places than his pants and I still wouldn't know---how's that for building trust? He gets very po'ed when I look through anything. The problem I have is there have been very very (like two or three) times that I have found nothing when I have snooped. Of course, he's used the excuse before that he set me up to see if I was snooping (I call BS on that). I'm about at my wit's end. He doesn't seem to want to do anything to build trust on his end; just says that I have to learn to trust him without smothering him. I have no clue what to do anymore.

I am suggesting you do what ever you need to do for your sanity and peace of mind.

MOF,

Thanks. I think I'm fighting a battle within myself. I want/need to know for sure what is going on, but if I do it and he finds out all h#ll is going to break loose. I wouldn't really care if he's up to no good, but if it's like he says it is then I would feel really stupid and would have ended my relationship over my insecurity because he would DEFINITELY leave then. If he finds out, regardless of if he's in the right or the wrong, it will be a BIG LB no matter what I say. Like I said, if he's in the wrong I don't really care anymore. I have that part of me that stills believes in him though and says "What if he is telling the truth?" ARG!!!! I think I fight with myself more than I do with him anymore.

Oops, it posted twice!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ August 28, 2002, 06:36 PM: Message edited by: dumplin ]</small>

dumplin,

When I finally became seriously suspicious of my H's activities, I became my own PI. Albeit, probably more like a Columbo bumbling idiot one, but I did get the answers (and then some!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ) I was seeking.

Email me if you want some help or suggestions. (Nerlycrzy@aol.com) I used the phone suggestion and if I hadn't, he'd probably STILL be involved with the OW today and I'd still be trying to figure out why we were having so many problems getting along. The truth was devastating but not nearly as bad as not knowing....

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by dumplin:
[QB]

I know that my "transgressions" as you call them are normal, but he doesn't seem to see it. He thinks I'm treating him like a prisoner or as a child.

dumplin, he is USING your so-called shortcomings against you for leverage, ammunition. These things might not even really bother him all that much but he needs SOMETHING, anything to shift the blame to you and away from him at any cost...mostly at your expense...and to give himself an excuse to do the rotten things he has done. He obviously has no sense of fair play or he wouldn't do this to you when you are suffering so much over this heartbreak. And if he thinks you are treating him like a child, which he has demonstated he is a child, then the best way to remedy that is for him to start behaivng like a grown man instead of a emotionally retarded adolescent.

dumplin, there is nothing wrong with you that a little starch in your knickers wouldn't cure. Start standing up to him and stop trying to be "good"...why the hell should you act "good" when he is being so bad and hateful? Besides, do you know the difference between doing an effective Plan A and being a Doormat? Just remember that Doormats 'turn off' spouses big time and the Doormats often become whipping posts, too. Waywards are so fogged up in their delusions of grandeur that they perceive kindness as a weakness and will attack the soft underbelly of a suffering Betrayed for sport just out of pure cussedness. Don't be such a wimp and be scared he will "end it" if you take drastic measures to gain information to make sure he isn't playing you for the Fool...after all, HE had the affair(s) and these are the consequences for his behavior.

He'll respect you in the morning. Haha

Catnip--I'm not trying to be rude, but what exactly do you mean by "not taking it on the chin"? I have never heard that expression before and don't know for sure what you are talking about.

dumplin, that's because you are a Puppy and that euphanism certainly dates me and makes me feel really old...taking it on the chin simply means putting up with crap.

QB]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

dumplin,
I used to be like you and take all the crap and [try] to do better <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Then one day we had a dinner party, my husband spent alot of time critisizing me, and in front of every one he wanted to make me feel bad, so he thought he would find fault with me, He announced to everyone in the room, that I was such a crappy house keeper[i am not] that I left a little tiny plastic cap in the bathroom under the ledge of the vanity, in the corner, the cap was about an inch long and clear..

He had watched this cap for a month and wanted every one to know as pathetic as I am, it was still there...
It ocurred to me that day 1. He was a nut.
2. he was a nut.

When I was done at laughing how utterly stupid this was. why didnt he pick the cap up ? If it bothered him. How strange.
My solution.. I lined the bathroom with small plastic caps and left them there for a year.
I stopped taking his crap and realised, there wasnt any thing wrong with me, he was insulting verbally abusive, so he could screw around and i would stay at home crying trying to be a better wife.

I think it back fired on him. Do something before you become so resentful, you have an affair your self.. and never say never, because you dont know what could happen.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mom of five:
[QB]I lined the bathroom with small plastic caps and left them there for a year.
QB]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hahaha...hahaha...that is absolutely the most effective and clever solution I have heard in a really long time. And hilarious...I like it. That was brillant, MOF...my hat is off to you.

Catnip =^^=

LOL, MOF, I would have loved to have seen his face! Ladies, you are making me feel so much better for standing up for myself when I have; it doesn't make me a b*tch (even though I can be). Thank you so much.

I have to say though; H does not criticize me in front of people. He is the perfect husband in front of everyone else. He can't hide it from his family though; it's not criticizing me in front of them, but they've seen and heard things he's done.

Catnip, check my other post and send me an e-mail; it's finally working again. I have some things I'd like to talk to you about.