I'm sorta new here and I have posted a short version of my story,not too long ago(you ever have them days) and well my question is? My D-Day is sept. 27, 2001 which you can see is coming soon and I wanted to know what could I do to past this day easily? I guess what I'm saying is what all did you do when your D-day came around? How was it like? I can imagine it wasn't easy for ya'll can you give me any advice? I am going to therapy and i'm on meds for my depression and anxiety. Please feel free anyone to give advice. I really do need some now? Thank you and have a nice Labor Day everyone!!!

Well, I have not experienced a d-day, but from what I have read from many of the BS's who post here, it will trigger all sorts of negativity in your emotional state of mind so be prepared and I think you should probably warn your H to be prepared too... You know, be prepared to really pamper you and reassure you. Maybe just warn him that the "day" is coming up and you don't expect to be in the greatest of moods? I hope it doesn't have to be this way always, but it might be this way for the first several years, like the anniversary of a death or something equally traumatic... ((((HUGS)))) Do something nice for yourself, like all day at the spa or something really outrageous that you normally wouldn't do, just something to take your mind off your troubles and help you relax and feel really good. If you are a believer, trust God to help you, too, not as the last resort, but as the first order of priorities. I don't believe He would want for you to be dreading these D-days forever. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

love bug,

Congratulations on making it past that first year! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> That's a tough one, isn't it? I think it's the hardest one, by far. And the approaching D-day brings all that raw pain and hurt back into focus, as we think back to one year ago.

My suggestion and our solution was to reclaim that day, that week, that period as OURS. And by that I mean, we concentrated on and celebrated US and our marriage. It doesn't have to be an expensive venture, ie: a cruise or vacation. It can just be a dinner date, a movie, a walk in the park, a special dinner at home or popcorn, snuggling and a video. The "anniversary" topic doesn't HAVE to be discussed but we did mention our relationship accomplishments in the past year,, our new closeness, new and improved communication skills,,etc. And we made plans and goals for our future.

Reclaiming that day and making it YOURS allows the future D-days to have a positive warm memory attached. And as more and more D-day anniversaries come, the painful hurt memories fade and pale in comparison to the warm comforting more recent events.

Again, congratulations on that one year mark and all your accomplishments during that year!

It helped me to realize that D-Day was only memorable to me. My husband was totally unaware of the date and couldn't have cared less...he was just happy to be with me. He, like most men, don't make any connection with dates.

I didn't mention that it was D-Day to him and suffered in silence for a few hours until I realized he wasn't thinking of her, of them, of the date or of the affair. It was all MY obsessing and it was all for nothing.

I expected something more...like a clap of thunder or a phone call from the OW saying nah-nah-nah-nah-nah...but nothing happened. I anticipated and agonized over an 'anniversary' that earmarked nothing more than a terible day of discovery that somehow I managed to survive.

Perhaps we should all celebrate the one year anniversary because we survived it instead of dreading it as some kind of point of meltdown and trauma.

This D-Day is really a positive date because the two of you are still together and in recovery and survived the first year.

Catnip =^^=

Dear Love Bug,

We are about to stumble upon our 2nd anniversary of D-day. I got through our first w/o much problem. I am not very sentimental about dates and such and really don't know the exact date of D-day. I know that it was a Saturday at the end of September, 2000. I could figure it out if I pulled up an old calendar, but I really didn't want to know.

I think that Catnip had some good advice when she said that your H is probably not even going to be aware of the date and your anguish (if you allow it to happen) will be pretty much your own. So, make plans to keep busy on other things.

Our D-day was entangled with so many other horrible things (major facial/tumor surgery for Mr. J and denial of our application to adopt the boys that we had hosted that summer) that it was difficult to tease apart the effects of one from another. It was a horrible, deep, dark, pit for many reasons. By one year we were on our way to recovery. Mr. J's surgery went well, we were reapplying to adopt the same two boys through a different agency, we had gotten through our first couple of visitations with Precious, gotten the DNA results out of the way, and most importantly Mr. J and exOW had ended the emotional part of their affair that dragged on for six months after D-day. We were well on our way to recovery.

Hope that your D-day anniversary passes with barely any emotional storms for you.

MJ

Thank you so much all,this place is a real life saver for me because I don't feel so alone. At first people told me I would never except that from my H. Which made me feel even worser,but I loved him. All I could think of was How Could He do this to me? Now it's almost a year and I feel like here I go again does this mean its gonna start all over again. I was doing so good and now just to know its a year I feel bad. I know it will never ever be the same. But theres just a little part of me that wishes it could. Life for me as been really up and down but this has to be the worst. I know I have a long way to long. But to know I could come here now,WOW it really does help. Thank you so much all you really don't know how much this place means to someone like me that felt so alone .