I know my husband wants me to lose weight because he has told me I need to. It really hurt my feelings because he has always told me I was sexy and pretty. We got in a fight because I wanted to eat cheeze its and I told him that it was none of his business what I eat. I have been trying to lose weight. I am a full time student and I work and I take the fitness center class at my school and I have actually lost weight, though it has only been a few weeks that I have really been trying. For him to say I need to lose weight after I already have lost wieght really upsets me. Even though this just happened last night, i don't know what to do to make him understand how much it hurts. Especially when he won't talk to me because "it's none of his business." Which is what he keeps throwing in my face. Any advice would be helpful, Thanks.

it sounds like you told him it's none of his business, so he reminded you of that--

What actions are you taking to lose weight? Other than just the fitness program?

It sounds more like he was 'trying' to encourage you about your weight loss, by remarking about the food choices--but it didn't come out as supportive--

So how could he be encouraging to you without being critical? what is it you need for him to do or say?

once you figure that out--explain it to him--

Thank him for his trying to be supportive of your efforts, but there are times when you just need to take a break from eatting 'diet' foods--nothing wrong with that--

I have been eating better on the weight watchers program which i have been doing for the last two weeks. I know he was trying to be supportive but it just didn't come out right. What woman wants to hear her husband thinks she fat though? Honesty is good but he could have said it better.

He probably meant to be supportive but men can sometimes be quite frank about things while we are emotional. I know I'm trying to lose weight and have been but there is not too much you can say to me unless it's positive that I take the right way. My feeling is it's because I don't feel that good about myself and that makes me sensitive. Try writing a letter to your H explaining how he could encourage you and how certain words only upset you. Ask for his patience in getting yourself in shape. After all you didn't get out of shape overnite. You too need to be aware that you too are impatient with your weight loss and remind yourself of what the positives things you are doing to change. Keep up the good work!!

Hello Erinfly,
I was just wondering how long you have been struggling to lose weight and is this your first real attempt at dieting? Has your husband witnessed you trying and trying again? Is it possible that he sees patterns in your eating habit that he is afraid of and wich mayhinder you from reaching your goals? Just food for thought....
Good luck with your weight loss... I know the struggle well.... have lost over 80 lbs in the past 2 years.

Peace,
Odyssey

I know me "meant" to be supportive, but thats more of a put down to me. If he wanted to be supportive and "encouraging" he could have tried A LOT harder. I need positive reinforcement, not negative put downs, and I will tell him that.

Hello,
So what does "trying a lot harder" mean for you??? Maybe you could let him know what works for you. Just a suggeastion... Can you begin telling him that you appreciate the fact that he cares enough for you and that you realise that what he tells you is out of concern BUT that the way heis going about it really hurts you.... Ask him if he thinks he could "_______" (you fill in the blank) and that this would help you without hurting you. Like I said, just a suggestion... I think you need to acknowledge that that he is doing this because he cares, even though he is going about it the wrong way.

Peace,
Odyssey

I understand how upset you are. It hurst my feelings too when it has happened.

BTW, keep at it with the weight watchers plan. It really works. It did for me. AND with it you can eat whatever you want as long as you have your points for it. So go ahead and eat your cheez it as long as you have points available. If your husband understands that about the plan I think it may help a bit so that he is not criticizing what you eat.

Good Luck! I'm also on the quest to fitness.

My husband told me I needed to loose weight about 5 years ago and I took it very hard. He had to do a lot of explaining before I could except and understand that although he lacked tact he meant well and was concerned about my health. I am still TRYING to loose the weight but this time we made an agreement that he would go on weight watchers with me for support. It has been a big help to me and an eye opener to him. He said that he never realized how hard it could be. Of course he's managed to loose more weight then I have, but that's okay, it just makes me try harder. Keep up the good work and ask him to join you even if he thinks he does not need to loose! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thankyou poohshoney and FlorDeLuz for your encouraging words. I think some people might not understand how it feels when someone says your fat. I have talked to my husband about how he could have "tried a lot harder" and he agrees he was not being considerate with his words and has promised to "talk" more and not point any fingers. He has agreed to try to lose weight with me, we both don't have a lot to lose, especially him, so hopefully someday we will find that Happy medim <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />