My husband and I separated in December. I moved out of town with our 2 children and he began seeing someone shortly thereafter. They had been dating 3 months when my husband and I decided we wanted to put our family back together. He broke up with her and a week later, she called him and told him that she had taken a home pregnancy test that had come out positive. She asked him to go with her to the clinic. When he told her that he wouldn't because of me, she flipped and started making threats. We agreed that it was best for him to minimize contact with her, so he told her to call him after she got the results from the clinic. A few days later, she called and said the pregnancy had been confirmed by the clinic and tried to get my husband to meet with her. He told her to mail the test results to him and then he would contact her to discuss the situation. Almost 2 weeks went by with no word. We assumed it had been a bluff. Then, she found out that he was moving and left him a voicemail message saying she had lost his address and accused him of trying to skip out on his responsibility. (She knew where he worked and lived and he had left a forwarding address). When he didn't return her call right away, she made more threats. My husband and I talked and he agreed to let me call her. She insisted on talking to my husband and said a lot of hurtful things to me. I stood my ground and didn't give her the satisfaction of thinking she had gotten to me. Finally, she said that she would send the results to us. Not an hour later, she called and said that her 'attorney' had advised her not to send us the results and to cut all contact with us until the baby was born. We haven't heard form her since.

So, is she really pregnant? It looks like we won't know for a while. The waiting is killing me. I think that if she was telling the truth, she would want to send us the test results and prove it, but I don't want to get my hopes up. I'm trying to focus on my family; my husband and I are doing great. He has told me that his first priority is our family and that he will give up rights to the child if that's what I want. I don't know what to do if she has his child!

Stephmac,

Well, I hate to have to welcome new comers to this site, but it is a wonderful place for support, advice, a place to vent, and to learn from other's experiences. Unfortunately, at this time, you are going to have to wait. If I have the date line correct, you have aproximately 3-4 months before you will know for sure if she ever was pregnant. Use this time to continue to rebuild your M, and make it a united front for the future! If this woman does come to you w/court papers and such, take care of it together, and show her that you are in the M to stay! Yes, it will be hard, not knowing if there really is a pregnancy, and in many cases here on the board, it's been a "false" pregnancy, to try to break up the marriage, and either the OW claims a miscarriage, or they are found out in other ways. It does and can happen. As I said earlier, take this time to build up your M, and try not to dwell on the possible P.

Tigger

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by stephmac1974:
<strong>my husband and I are doing great. He has told me that his first priority is our family and that he will give up rights to the child if that's what I want. I don't know what to do if she has his child!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Wow...you are light years ahead of just about everyone else if your husband feels this way and is willing to acquiesce to your desires.

Only you know what you can and cannot put up with or accept..and you won't know this until long after the child, if there is one, is born.

I know the waiting and not knowing is very difficult, but my husband and I used that time to reconnect with each other and work on oursleves and the marriage. By the time the birth had occurred and the DNA results were in, we were recovering and recommitted to each other.

One good thing, although this is an extremely painful situation, is that you were actually seperated from each other when he was dating this OW, so in a way, you didn't feel the sting of rejection of being dumped for someone else. Is this accurate? This might keep him from suffering debilitating remorse that retards healing and might keep you from feeling unloved and betrayed.

Your husband sounds so committed to you and so eager to restore the marriage, I think you two have a real chance at full recovery.

Both Marriage Builders and Retrouvaille www.retrouvaille.org encourage the couple to put their marriage and each other first and make all decisions together on whether there will be any contact or not with the OC. Some marriages can handle contact, most cannot. It all depends on the circumstances surrounding the affair and pain the Betrayed Spouse has endured, I suppose. At any rate, there is the Policy of Joint Agreement (POJA) which is one of the principles here at MB where neither party makes any decision without the other spouses enthusiastic support and full agreement. There can never be any contact in any way with the former OP except through a third party. Let your attorneys handle the support issues or visitation issues, if you are inclined to do any visitation. If XOW is a nut, or threatening, perhaps visitation wouldn't be good for the kid or for your marriage and everyone would be better off without contact. Contact in any form is very, very difficult for any marriage, even strong ones.

Your most important focus is to restore your marriage, to make each other number one priority because your only obligation to this OC is financial unless you can handle more. It is so good your husband says that this is your call.

Good luck and God bless.

Catnip =^^=