Call me naive or stupid. Everyone is ultimately responsible for their own behaviors and choices, but... Are there really women out there that are still getting pregnant to try and sway the MM into leaving their W and being with them? I thought that this type of thinking went out ages ago!! I just can't imagine making such a choice when it may involve another totally innocent little one!! It's so out of my realm of experience or thinking. Opinions??? (Obviously, I'm wondering if this could be true of my situation with EX-H and OW. Some friends say "Yes" others say "No way, in this day and age."

I cant answer for your ow.... I can answer for me, I in know way ever thought I could get pregnant and in fact after many years with om, he insisted on no protection and that he had a vasectomy and he was 20 plus years older, I never thought it was possible. when it happened I was in shock and didnt believe I could be pregnant and cried for a very long time.
I found out later he lied about vasectomy.
Untill he got found out, he thought it was cool, then he got scared, so I went away and planned to raise baby on my own. Then he came back a week after she was born. and has been in her life ever since.

Now I notice he tells people at work and it is an ego thing for him... go figure..

I am sure some might do it on purpose, maybe someone really young.. I cant imagine someone who already has children and knows what work is involved getting pregnant on purpose, but hey it takes all kinds/
God knows at 30 something years of age, I never ever planned on having another child.

I should add... I in know way thought he should or would leave to marry me just because I was pregnant... I was married as well, and had no plans on leaving my family.

Hi Lilian

Yes there are women that are doing this, As a matter of fact xow in my H case has done this and is trying this with a second pregnancy now mind you my H left her in july 02 Xow married someonelse in Aug 9, 02.

Now when she told my H she was pregnant she told H it was her H. She didn't get the responce from my H that she wanted, so now she tells H it's his child so this is the second child she's trying to trapp my H with.

Yes I thought this went out long ago but there are women out there that are so desparate they will do something of this sought whether conciously or subconciously.

My friend that was involved with a married man. I use to ask her was she sleeping with protection she would tell me no. I asked her what about STD or getting pregnant, she told me she couldn't have children and said they were careful not to have other partners.

I told her he has another partner, his wife stop trying to pretend she doesn't exist because she does. Well as the story goes, she never got the married man it devastated her she was in denial big time.

My opioion is if you sleep with a married man with no protection, you are trying to create something now whatever it is you are trying to create is beyond me. But something is definitly cooking. This xow was 30 yrs of age when she meant my H. THE first time she seen my was the very first time she laid eyes on him. 3wks later she was pregnant. ALL this taken place in 1 month
now tell me girlfriend didn't have a hidden agenda.

<small>[ September 15, 2002, 03:49 AM: Message edited by: MALC ]</small>

In my case, the OW was wowed by my husband and thought he had money. She was mid-thirties with no children and her bio clock ticking, so she made a conscience decision to get herself pregnant for the express purpose of having a child before it was too late, with a really great looking guy who appeared to have a bunch of money. She didn't work and lived at home with Mom and Dad and thought this was a way out of the family home. I guess it never occurred to her to work or get a place of her own because it might cut into her daytime dramas and game shows or something.

My husband only spent three weekends with her and two of the three weekends, she carried EPT tests in her purse and spent time in the hotel bathroom peeing on a stick. I think that is pretty indicative of intent.

My husband had started drinking again after nearly 18 years of sobriety and he was mentally ill at the time, so the things she was doing never registered until just before D-day. He did say at the time he thought it was weird she was pulling this test out of her bag and then coming out of the bathroom saying "Thank God I'm not pregnant" as if she would know any results an hour after sex. He thought she was playing games but was confused as to why she was doing this and just continued to drink and ignore it. Too drunk, too stupid to pay attention to the red flags.

Her agenda was obvious that she was looking for a meal ticket. She wasn't in love with him because she had just met him and didn't know him very well, but she was really into his looks and the money she thought he had. She was also extremely aggressive for financial assistance from my husband within a month after conception and hired a high powered attorney to empty our pockets. Naturally, we didn't give her a dime until DNA was proven a year later.

It is shocking that there are women out there who employ these kind of tactics, but they do exist. The OW in our situation didn't care that my husband was married, didn't care who got hurt, made no attempt to find a single man to date, screw or get knocked up with...she just didn't care who she hurt, she was out for the almighty dollar and hopefully, for a hot husband who would dump his wife for her. But, that never or very rarely happens because that kind of woman is undesirable to the man because she has even less integrity than he does if she would deliberately allow herself to get knocked up and be so callous as to harm an entire family and change their lives forever because she has needs and desires.

I just can't get over that this woman waltzed into my life, knowing during her first 'date' with my husband that I existed, spoke with me on the phone as I pleaded and begged her not to see my husband again because he was very, very ill and yet that plea did not move her in any way. That this mid-thirties woman knew how to protect her body and made no effort to prevent a pregnancy, quite the contrary, when at her age, she knows very well how to avoid having something like that from happening, that she went ahead and had sex and got knocked up with a stranger she knew was married.
Then knowing that she has all the power and that she calls the shots as to whether or not there will be sex and was in control of the situation, gets pregnant and gets to continue calling the shots, go after us for huge extortion payments, trying to throw him in jail, trying to take the equity in our home, garnishing his wages and trying to get the state to take away his driver's license. I mean, there is no end to her cruelty and selfishness.

We are presenting a Modification for Child Support Monday morning to have the punitive payments and arrears adjusted retroactively to reflect my husband's actual wages over the apst three years. We were so broke for so long because of the situation, we were unable to get our tax returns done to prove our case until just last month because we couldn't afford our accountant until then. They have been garnishing about 70% of my husband's wages for the past two years.

If a woman called me and told me the man I was dating was married to her and asked me not to see him again, I would never, ever see him again. I would have so much empathy and compassion for her, I would just walk away and not look back. I know I would do this, because once upon a time I did do this. I guess I just expected this OW to have the same feelings and compassion for me as I did for this other woman all those years ago. I never dreamed I would get the ugly reception from a total stranger who was still my 'sister' and who I expected to have a sense of 'sisterhood' with me.

I actually thought that if I spoke to her and explained to her how deeply in love I was with my husband and how much I wanted to help him get well and how sick he was, that any normal person would say, "I am so sorry...I didn't realize he was married and I didn't kow he was ill. Of course, I won't see him again, and good luck."

What a dreamer I am to think that this woman would have the common decency and character and integrity to walk away and not carry this any further...instead she forges ahead to the complete destruction of my life forever because she bore a child I am incapable of having...and sticking me with the bill!!! Does this make sense to you? SHE decides to get knocked up. SHE decides to have and keep it. SHE decides WE pay her for the privilege of f'ing up my life forever. I am the only person in this world entitled to have my own husband's child, but she goes ahead and does this from start to finish and calls all the shots. It just galls me to no end that she gets to pick my pockets in the process.

Whoa...where did all this come from??? Sorry for hijacking your thread with my stuff. Sheesh...I guess I still have issues. It must be all this CS Modification stuff I've been working on is working on me....hahaha

I should clarify I don't have anything against OC and have some special feelings that are painful and surprising to me that I don't like to talk about because they confuse me, but at the same time, aside from the OC, I just don't understand how the courts can treat an OW who clearly had an agenda as if she is a wife of several years insread of a three weekend fling and award her these enormous CS payments when the financial obligation should be hers and not mine. Her motives and her heartlessness and the damage to our household and to me is not taken into account whatsoever...and the Betrayed Spouse is as innocent as the OC.

Meow, hiss, spit.

Catnip =^^=

<small>[ September 14, 2002, 10:20 PM: Message edited by: catnip ]</small>

Whoa Catnip I feel you.
You just brought up something for me. XOW had just meant my H also.

When she first visited my H. That was the first time she laid eyes on him and three wks later she came up pregnant.

The hidden agenda these women have is out of this world. I remember even asking her how would you feel if your H cheated on you?

Xow claimed her first H never cheated on her. I found out later he use to beat her like it was alright and cheated on her also.

This women had no compassion for me. I can rememeber her telling me you think he's coming back to you, he's not coming back.

I regret ever hurting anyone that I hurt in my past. I was so gullable, at one time a man could piss in my face and call it rain, and the sun would rise and shine in there [censored]. That's how gullable I was. Now I have the utmost respect for all relationships. Of course I was young and naive then, also and my self worth didn't amount to anything.

Another thing the very first time xow laid her eyes on my H was 5/13/00 that was Dday when she came here to meet my H. Befor that they never saw each other befor. 3WKS later girlfriend came up pregnant she was 30 yrs of age also.

<small>[ September 15, 2002, 03:58 AM: Message edited by: MALC ]</small>

lila,
after years on this board, the answer is yes SOME OW think it's worth a try... even if they don't get MM, they get ch-support...the 'ol free meal ticket as they say.

I also have a cousin who, upon wanting to try motherhood, thought it was perfectly acceptable to deliberately go find a stranger to have unprotected sex with so she could get pregnant and have a baby (she didn't want any father involvement), and did this not just once but TWICE. I'm glad I'm not a man.

Prayers for all,
J

Dear lila,

I am sorry to add that it is true SOME OW get pregnant to trap the MM. It certainly happened in my case. Ex-OW admitted it to me and to my H.

I think some circumstances are similar to my H's. His A had been discovered, he and I were talking about what he wanted to do, and we had decided to try to make things work in our marriage.

He was just coming out of the "fog" but they were tapering off their sexual relationship. It was then, as he was walking out the door, that she became pregnant after months of sex without conception.

Even today my H feels very embarrassed that he was trapped that way. But, it is also one of the things that made him fully understand what a manipulative person she was. He has told me that he would never have stayed with her just because of the tactic that she used.

Bottom line, it happens. For some it is truly accidental, but for some it is definitely a plan.

I hope you will soon sort out your own feelings so you can move forward with your life.

love,
heavenly

I feel that was the case in my situation. OW knew H was married, she housesat for our children when we went on vacations. She told H that she was worried that she would never be able to have another child because she might in the "future" have medical problems that would prohibit pregnancy. She told H during the beginning of the A that she was on BC, didn't bother to tell him when she decided to stop though. (no excuse for H I know that)

Then after OC was born made a point to call me and tell me under no circumstances was their an A going on, and definately OC was not H's. Definately threw me off course. Then when H decides to end relationship, must have been a last ditch effort, she turned up pregnant again with OC#2.

Now H is torn between two women. One with a 27 yr. marriage history and two grown children. And one from a 7 yr. A, and two OC who "need" a full time father.

Recovery was slowly moving forward for one year until June when A resumed. Now H is in major fog. On a side note not that this matters at all, wrong is wrong, but H this time insisted on BC for himself, which OW did not understand why the need. So you tell me.... do some OW like to trap MM?

Tina
Me BS 49 H WS 47
Married 27yrs
D 23, S 20
OC#1 4, OC#2 1 1/2
DDay Mar 01
Separated Sept 02

lila,
Yes there are women out there that still trapp men. My H A was about 3 months. He says she said she was protected. ( NOT ). I told him he was stupid to the fact and he shouldn't even been there to start with. but thats neither here nor there. Her pregnancy was at the end of their A. H voided her for the last month but was stupid, he went back 1 more time. Well that 1 time was all she needed. She told my H she wanted more from him then what she had and then poof she was pregnant. However, her dates don't match up and there is a good chance my H is not the father. I feel bad for this little one that is coming into the world, regardless if my H is the father or not. There are too many babies in this world that are created from A's and the only people that suffers are them and the BS. In our case I blame both of them but my H more. He not only endangered his life, he endangered mine for having unprotected sex with someone that he bearly knew and has a horrible past come to find out. Not to mention another child that we can't afford and that will be fatherless.

DBH

Lila,
Some things are timeless. Actions driven by feelings for example. My thought is that a woman may believe that having a child with MM will push him off the fence. The fence he claims to be on that is. Many times some of these WS's tell OP that its something else besides BS keeping them in the marriage. Ususally the kids. The message to OP may be misconstrued as this man is a wonderful father who would move mountains for his kids. If only they had a child with this WS, then the deal would be closed. They find out the hard way that while the kids may be part of why WS will not leave the marriage, there are often many other reasons.
Just my thought on that..
CM

I believe that some women can and do get pregnant intentionally. I don't think that was true in our case. They had a long-term (7-year) and the pregnancy happend at the end. The made birth control decisions together. They had done the pill (she got severe migraines--I know she suffers them as she takes the same medication I do and has given me a tablet during a visitation). They had a condom failure. both agree that had the procedure of taking three birth control pills after a condom failure were known at that time that that is what she would have done. Unfortunately, the news came out one month after conception.

MJ