UW,
I was just wondering how things are progressing with you. I have been thinking about you. Are you both still counselling with Steve? Is it helping your husband?

If you want, you can email privately. I will leave my email up for a short time, and you can let me know to take it off.

Tina

<small>[ September 22, 2002, 12:52 PM: Message edited by: Tina71 ]</small>

Hey Tina,
UW and I used to e-mail at least once a week, now I haven't heard back from her.
Maybe she's having computer problems?
She's also back to work by now.

Hope and pray for you Tina.
I hope you reach peace soon.
love
Debi

Gem,
Thanks for the info on UW.

Tina

<small>[ December 08, 2002, 10:57 PM: Message edited by: Tina71 ]</small>

Tina,

Don't mean to hijack the thread you started for UHW but I wanted to say that I am glad you let us know how you are doing.

The separation is hard? Wow, I always thought that, at least at the beginning, that it would feel like relief. Michelle Weiner-Davis (sp?) says on her site that there is often a big sense of relief in the beginning of a separation and that the real effects don't hit for a couple of months. I don't know, it is somehow reassuring to me that it is difficult for you, right from the beginning.

Ew, yuck. I don't like how that came out. I am not glad that you are unhappy, of course not. But sometimes separation looks like a ShangraLa. I have told myself "don't go there. It is only easy and happy for the first few weeks or months." What you are experiencing kinda takes the glamour out of it.

I hope that this gets easier for you. No, I really hope that your H comes to his senses and begins to make the choices that would allow your marriage to grow and thrive.

You remain in my thoughts and prayers.

MJ

MJ,
Thanks for posting. Monday will be three weeks, and it only gets harder for me.

Our children are grown and out of the house, so I am here rambling around this big house with memories surrounding me.

We are not really ready for plan B, we still see each other almost daily, but then H leaves to go back to his separate space. Most times when we are together we have an enjoyable time, so his leaving is very difficult on me. But then when the topic turns to our relationship and what the heck is our future, the discussion turn volital(sp).

Thanks for your good thoughts and prayers, MJ. It means the world to me.

Tina

<small>[ December 08, 2002, 11:00 PM: Message edited by: Tina71 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Tina71:
<strong>

Our children are grown and out of the house, so I am here rambling around this big house with memories surrounding me.

=^^= Oh, Tina, I don't mean to hijack your thread either, but this statement reminded me of the emptiness I felt those six weeks my husband was gone and my heart just goes out to you. I am so sorry you are in this so alone! I can't stand to think of you without any support. With no one knowing what you are going through, this makes for such a lonely burden for yourself. I want to encourage you to find a group at church or through some agency where you can meet and talk to other separated women, if there is such a group. Do you have any close girlfriends?

Today I admit I drove by OW house this morning because I had a hunch OC was going to be sick and not able to go to daycare, (I saw OC last night and she was not quite up to par) sure enough I timed it perfect and H was at OW house, I called his cell, and he told me he was dropping off work to OW to do at home. Why did I set myself up for that? I don't know.

=^^= For the same reason people slow down and look at the carnage from an accident on the highway. I'm not sure what compels us to do this either, but for me it was just the "need to know". I wanted all information all the time so I would not look the fool. I didn't want someone else giving me information and I couldn't stand being the last to know. Curiosity killed the cat, I know, but the obsessiveness that comes out of this kind of pain is borne out of our own feelings of insecurity, confusion, apprehension and concern for our future, self image and confidence, or lack thereof. We want to see what it is that draws our spouse away from us and somewhere in the back of our minds, I think we are always looking for 'clues' as to what has caused our lives to change so dramatically.

These three weeks I cry at the drop of a hat, I don't sleep, and still waiting patiently for the anti-depressants to kick in. Sometimes it seems they do take off the edge, but other times, I am out of control sobbing.

=^^= Crying is good, Tina. It is cleansing and you need to cry and grieve for a time. I cried my heart and soul out for months and months. Now I don't think I could produce a tear if I wanted to. How long have you been on the medication? What kind did your doctor prescribe?

So I am not sure who Michelle Weiner is interviewing, but she didn't ask my opinion on separation. And I have read many articles on her site.

=^^= Her time lines are a guideline and a generalization of what to expect and varies from person to person, situation to situation. You are still involved with your husband and see him so regularly that any chance for you to move on and heal might not happen until one of two things happen...1. reconciliation or 2. ending contact. As long as you are in limbo hanging around waiting for something to change, you probably won't be able to pigeon hole yourself into any catagory.

I wish there was something I could do for you or comfort you in some way...or just give you some real support. I hate thinking of you suffering like this. You're in my thoughts and prayers, Tina.

Love

Catnip =^^=

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

UW,

I really feel for you but you seem to be very ignorant of what's going on around you. You are so convinced that everything you asked of your H has stopped esp. the OC visitation. If you think you can handle knowing the whole truth about everything, then you should consider talking to other people besides your H. Your H will always tell you things you only want to hear. Maybe consider talking to your own OW? Its gutsy but I'm sure, she'll have the answers to your questions.

<small>[ September 25, 2002, 01:32 AM: Message edited by: ousley ]</small>

Hi Tina,
I just wanted to add my support and hugs and prayers to you while you take this all on yourself alone.

I can't even imagine being in your shoes. I hope you don't crack under all the pressure to live as if everything is okay when it is the roughest time of your life!

In one way, I can see your point--but on the other hand, you need a friend! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Maybe we can be the girlfriends you need with cyber shoulders to cry on, arms to hold you up and lift prayers for your continued strength.

I admire you for not sucking people around you into the drama of this. If your H regains his senses and everything works out, it will have been wise in the long run not to get others involved and have their opinions of your H lowered.

Thirty years is a long time to invest in a lifestyle. I can see why you are not so anxious to just throw it all away. It's all you have known and grown to hold dear. Hang in there!

You are not ignorant of anything. The only person who is "ignorant" is the one who has not walked in your shoes, been where you have been, seen what you have seen and known what you know. Keep the faith, Tina!

HUGS to UW also!

<small>[ September 25, 2002, 03:59 AM: Message edited by: BINthereDUNthat ]</small>

BTDT,
Thank you so much for your support. It is difficult..

<small>[ December 08, 2002, 11:02 PM: Message edited by: Tina71 ]</small>

Tina ,

Didn't you see, the reply-post was addressed to UW and not Tina?

<small>[ December 08, 2002, 11:03 PM: Message edited by: Tina71 ]</small>

tina, I have been off board and off computer for weeks now, having major computer problems. I jus saw this post-want to say I will contact you soon, put your email up and I will email you as soon as I can.

I am sorry you are not doing well. Hang in there.

Unhappy wife

UW,
Will look forward to your email whenever you have time.

Tina

<small>[ September 28, 2002, 08:21 PM: Message edited by: Tina71 ]</small>

UW,
Tried to email you but it was sent back.

Tina

Tina, try to send me the message again. I think the system may be working now. keep trying!

Hmph, well perhaps then *I* should have said that NEITHER you NOR UW are ignorant of anything... the only ignorant ones are the ones who have not walked a mile in either of your BS shoes. Hang in there!

Tina, I think you did so good not to chase your H. Just let him come to you. That was proof that you are getting stronger! Good for you! Keep it up!