The reason. I found a receipt in my H's pocket where he purchased 1 Coors Light Cans Suitcase for $12.90 AND 1 Budweiser Light Cans Suitcase for $12.90. He also purchased a 22qt. styrofoam cooler and 1 bag of ice. All of this was bought on Friday Sept.3, 1999 @ 12:18PM. The catch. H was supposedly working late Friday night. We had a fight because he AGAIN wouldn't answer is cellphone or respond to my numerous pages. After I called his answering service and lied about a "family emergency", H finally called me around midnight Friday. We had a heated argument. He wasn't planning on coming home until Sunday, his usual day. He lied and told me he was working Saturday too. He finally agreed to come home Saturday afternoon but said he "couldn't come home tonight(fri) because he was in "bum [censored] Egypt" and couldn't find his way home". He would have had to follow "Kyle" out in the morning. PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<BR>He finally rolled in Saturday around 9PM with red bloodshot eyes. I am so tired of his lies. He said he's "tired of not being trusted". HOW CAN I TRUST HIM?! Having drinks with buddies isn't a big deal to me. The big deal is I am never included, I have never met any "buddies" and his WHOLE LIFE IS A F***ing mystery to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<BR>My apologies for the expletives; but, I have had it! I am just about through with marriage building. He's not meeting me in the middle...heck he's not anywhere near me! <BR>Right now, he's playing golf with his B and my B. When he gets home, I am going to confront him with this receipt. He'll probably end up leaving tonight. I kind of hope he does! I feel like a fool because earlier I "gave in" to his advances...I had vowed that I wouldn't do that again. Now I feel more used than ever! <BR>And a side note: I and 3 of my nursing buddies are going to Houston Friday and we're going to find where my H works and hopefully follow him. After the events and LIES of the weekend, I have no doubt that's what needs to be done. I need closure. I need to see with my own eyes what/who he's doing. Pray for me, those of you who can, that I will keep my cool and God will give me peace. I'm really afraid of what I'm going to find. I have continued to have a little bit of HOPE that we could work it out. If he's not committed to me or our marriage, I need something to help me ACCEPT the finality that we're not going to survive. Thanks for "listening".<BR> <P>------------------<BR>For I know the thoughts I think<BR>toward you, saith the Lord,<BR>thoughts of peace, not of evil,<BR>to give you an expected end.<BR>Jeremiah 29:11<BR>

Kyra<BR>I'm guessing 18 beer. Don't drink it but buy it for my H.<BR>Sorry girl. This may be against MB principles but at this point I only care if YOU survive. How do you fell? What do you want?<BR>Lies! You know where I live with that one. Keep the receipts. The only way that I know anything is because I compare receipts to phone bills to receipts. Heck of a detective I am. I know more about the affair and OW than my H does. Should have seen his face when I told him I had her E-mail address. He didn't even know she had one.<BR>Have a shower. Have a drink. Eat your favorite snack. <BR>You know how to reach me!!!!!

hi kyra,<BR>your answer is 18 cans of beer i think. I have bought these suitcases at the grocery too. Does sound like a bit too much beer to work on. Kyra, I can undestand your need to know the truth. Where are you going to get with a confrontation tonight when he leaves for houston afterwards? Would it be better for you to find more of the truth first? <BR>Just thoughts for you. How are the kids? How is your last semester going? Do you like your clinical rotations?

Ah ... my experience working at the beer distributors all those years ago finally comes in handy!<P>A suitcase is a full case - 24 cans - specially designed with a "handle" on one side so you can carry it like a suitcase. We sold "suitcaseses" of 24 cans long before the 18 pk became popular.<P>So, you're talking about 2 cases of beer. Not exactly what I would think is a good thing to take to work.<P>Sorry that things are so cruddy for you, Kyra. You have to do what you have to do...<P>terri

Thanks gals...<BR>I am figuring he went to a party Friday. I'm not going to lie and say that if he had told me he was going to a party, that I would have been happy about it. As little as he sees me and our children, I would have expected him to come HOME & spend the entire Labor Day weekend with US. If we saw him more than once a week, him drinking with the guys wouldn't be a big deal. Although, if it was a party, I can only assume there would be women there. Since I don't trust him as far as I can throw him, I wouldn't have wanted him to go without me. I'm a drag to him anyway. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I'm a "goody 2 shoes"(his words). The more I think about it, the more I "vent" here, I'm beginning to realize, he and I are too different. I don't like his ways. He obviously doesn't like me. What's the point of all this heartache? Are these past 11 years of marriage for nothing? I've known him since I was 13. Fell in "love" at 16. He's 30 on Thursday, I'll be 30 in January. I guess our "history" means nothing.<P>WS-I'm not doing very well at all. I feel a rage building in me. At this point, I want the truth. He might think I can't "handle the truth", well I can handle that alot better than his lies! Heck, he's cheated before, I didn't spontaneously combust. I expect him to support me and the kids financially until I graduate. He OWES me atleast that. <P>CL-I would love for my H to tell me the TRUTH. Problem is, that word is not in his vocabulary. I just returned to school last Monday. We have clinical orientation this Friday. We're doing Pediatric nursing. Unfortunately, we're not in an area where we have a large number of pedi's. Usually the kiddos are sent to TCH(TX Childrens in Houston). We'll be in hospitals in addition to drs. ofc around town. I'm kind of scared because so much is depending on my success. Failing is NOT an option. I've got to find a way to stay focused. Any suggestions? As for my kiddos, my son has an evaluation with a pediatric developmental specialist on the 14th. My daughter is in 2nd grade and already struggling. For starters, I'm going to have her evaluated by the school counselor. I'm beginning to think she has some kind of learning disability. Her handwriting is horrible and she studies and it just doesn't "stick". I've already had to go to school for a meeting with her teacher. I got a report that she's not paying attention, talking too much, not paying attention AND NOT PAYING ATTENTION. I guess you get my point. I just get so overwhelmed sometimes.<P>Terri-<BR>Thanks for the info on the "suitcase". Atleast that's too much beer for 2. I still feel he's involved with someone. Just too much secrecy. As for doing what I have to do...I'm going to. Knowledge is power. On Friday, I hope to learn alot.<P>Thanks again

Kyra: Sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time of it. As far as you being a "goody two shoes" it can have it's advantages. My BIL is also a non smoker, and a non drinker and it has NEVER bothered anyone at all. He goes to all of the family functions, and none of us have to worry about drinking too much, as he is ALWAYS the designated driver. So, he comes in handy. I am from Canada, and I always thought a suitcase was 12 beer, but then what do I know? I don't buy it, I only drink it! Take care, and hope you resolve your problems.<P>Success Story (why me)<P>------------------<BR><BR>SUCCESS STORY<P>

Kyra,<BR>I don't know if this will make you worry any less about your 2nd grader - my oldest daughter had terrible printing - still does, but she draws beautifully - didn't pay attention, didn't "work up to her potential". And then suddenly, in 9th grade, it all changed. She was accepted to a college that is just below Ivy League, and is doing very well.<BR> <BR>There is nothing wrong with being a "goody two-shoes". I don't drink or smoke either, and neither does my H. Having this in common, as well as many other values and interests, didn't stop him from declaring that we were not "compatible".

Kyra<BR>Honesty is a concept that some people cannot comprehend! Your H and mine both!!!<BR>What was it in one of the articles?<BR>Honesty is like a flu shot. It hurts for a minute but it saves you from way more pain in the end.<BR>I've tried to explain that concept to H. It seems simple to me!<BR>When the kids were little I used to drink only coffee. If I did go out with H it I would walk in the door and the hostess would make a pot of coffee. It isn't that you are a goody two shoes. You can still have fun.<BR>Your H just seems to want to be single with all the benefits of a wife. I lived like that for years.<BR>Vent girl vent!!!!<P>

Depends on how much you value underwear (grin)<BR>

I still think the concept of "no undies" is good luck.<BR>Heck, if nothing else it feels so free and loose, so different that it gives a new outlook? Whatever!!

It is sooooo hard to raise kids alone. I'm glad you are getting them some help. I suppose your daughter is either severly distracted by the "home situation" (how could she not be?), or a couple of ritalin will help her pay attention (ADD is underdiagnosed in girls, i think, b/c boys with ADHD are running all over the place and annoying everyone!).<BR>Until last week, my H was living the single life, too-only cell phone and pager contact, but this weekend he moved home, and even though he had the worst cold ever, he was a huge help with the toddler. I told H that, yes, K is a smart kid, but he would be MUCH SMARTER with his daddy at home (brains are H's main concern, so i play it up a lot).<BR>Why do so many people take their wedding vows so lightly?.....<BR>good luck with school. My mom did nursing school in galveston, and i remember she found pedi's to be the most fun, but also the saddest part of her rotation. She also got a really good job in palestine as soon as she was done..i hope the market is still that good for you!

kyra, <P>With all that is going on with you, I'm beginning to believe perhaps you should re evaluate whether or not you want to be married to him. I mean, splitting up a family is not the optimal choice, but it sounds to me like you don't really have a family that includes him anyway.<P>Have you truly laid it on the line with him? Told him you are leaving if he doesn't start telling you the truth? <P>I think it's time for ultimatums.<P>Message me if you need me, even if I'm offline. I may need to go to the hospital for a few days but I'll be back soon hopefully.<P>Tracy<P>------------------<BR>"I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me."

Kyra, I would have guessed 30 cans in a suitcase....shows how much I know! I just wanted to tell you that I admire you and I don't know how you are doing everything right now. I went through Nursing school with a very supportive husband and family and still almost had a nervous breakdown. I don't know how you are managing with everything else that is going on with H and kids. Good luck with your Pedi rotation. I have worked in Pediatrics for the last 16 years and love it!!. Good luck with your detective work this weekend. Just be careful and make sure the friends you are taking will help you stay calm and level headed. The last thing you need is for them to add fuel to the fire. I believe the truth, no matter how much it hurts, is easier to take than the lies!

Kyra<BR>Where are you? I'm starting to worry. I only have a few seconds here and there on the computer but I check for you every time.<BR>Let us know how you are.

WS-thanks for always caring!<BR>Everyone,<BR>I'm ok. I'm just very tired. I can't be on the computer very much d/t the need to study on top of our after school to bedtime routine. As you know, I have zero help. Well I take that back, my Mom is helping me with my son. He's in an early childhood program & the special ed bus picks him up/drops him off at her house. He spends the night with her so they won't have to get up EARLY on my clinical days. I couldn't do this without her love, help & support. I'm When(thinking positive)I graduate it will be no thanks to my H. Thank you Betrayed for your comments. My friends will keep me under "control" this Friday. I don't want to do anything to jeopardize my future. The last thing I need is a "record". I don't want to be denied licensure. H is not worth it!!<BR>Oh, and by the way, I didn't confront H with the receipt showing he bought beer. My brother told me to put it back in his pocket. B said that I shouldn't give H any reason to think anything is wrong. H might "run scared" and may not do his regular thing on Friday. It was ALL I could do not to shove the receipt in H's face and cuss...lol <P>Sad4Now, I agree. The sensible part of me knows we need to go our separate ways. The foolish part wants to hang on. If Friday reveals what I think, I hope that I can let him go. It's just hard to let go of hopes and dreams. How do you let go? How do you throw up your hands and give up? I had to give up my precious Dad to cancer. We had no choice. The monster, Cancer, took that away. What makes me so angry is H & I had a choice. We, together, could have saved our marriage. My friends laughed when I said,"My marriage died when my H put his p**** in that waitress". Truth is, it's not funny. H murdered our marriage. It's been dying a slow painful death. I'm not blaming him entirely, obviously this past year, I didn't exactly HELP our marriage. I'm really beginning to think it's time to pull the plug our marriage.<P>goodnight<P>------------------<BR>For I know the thoughts I think<BR>toward you, saith the Lord,<BR>thoughts of peace, not of evil,<BR>to give you an expected end.<BR>Jeremiah 29:11<BR>

Kyra<BR>I'm so glad you checked in.<BR>Hang in there. Be a little selfish. You showed way more control than I ever have.<P>Don't be too sad. You know you have to take some time. Take care of yourself. Keep us posted okay?

HI kyra, peds is lots of fun, so relax a little. Use your common sense and what you know from having your own kids around. Since there is not peds icu where you are, the rotation should be pretty straight forward! Take advantage of your sensible nature to stay focused. Use what you know already. Take a book with you to clinical in case the load is slow. Then study between pts or at lunch. Peds nurses tend ot be pretty helpful to students, and you can practice exam techniques on your own kids. They will love the attention and it will increase your comfort level in front of other parents.<BR>YOu are so lucky to have your mom there. God bless her for helping you and being there for her grandkids. Is this just a stage for your daighter or ddo you feel it is more serious? Or is it environmental-like she is feeling what you are? <BR>Take some time to play Kyra. You will do fine in school. Just post if you want school help-seems there are lots of nurses around here! (and what does that say for the profession?)