i have been married many years , my wife only likes sex the old fashioned misserary style very little play almost no fondling. i went along with this when all i needed was a thought now i need more to get arouses says nono we have very little sex maybe some ladies has some help for me from a lady point of view thanks trucker

Trucker,

Welcome to MB. Have you ever asked your wife what she likes and why? When she answers, do you validate her feelings and just listen, or do you try to convince her that she is wrong?

thank you for the reply yes i have ask her but we not talk much about sex she thinks anything but the old fashioned way is dirty i always respected that, now that i am having some problems i need a little help but she dont agree trucker

Have you asked her what leads her to believe anything else is dirty?

Maybe she feels insecure with herself. I know that I feel very vunerable in other "ways". Laying flat on my back keeps my stomach flatter, I don't worry about putting too much weight on him, I don't have to really try. I feel like I don't know what I am doing (been married for 8 years) and still feel this way. I have a very low self esteem. I have tried other "ways" but I always feel the same insecurity. I don't know how to tell you to approach this but talking about it and really listening is a good thing. Oh - It doesn't matter if your wife is gorgeous (trust me) these feelings can still be there.

Two possibilities come to mind:

1) Does she think its "dirty" because she thinks it's sinful? Is she is familiar with the verse which talks about the marriage bed being undefiled? If this attitude is because she thinks it's sinful, a Christian marriage counsellor or another friend of hers who she can open up to might be the best person to have a heart-to-heart on how it's perfectly normal and acceptable to explore beyond the missionary style. -or-

2) Do you think it could be related to hygene or body odor? For example, my husband has good hygene, but he can have a problem with his breath so he has to brush AND use listerine or else his breath can be a turn-off, making it harder to be intimate.

One thing for sure - sugar always works better than vinegar. Be sure to approach the problem with your head - not anger or frustration. If a lady feels she is being "pushed" into doing something sexually, then that's a huge emotional problem for her and an even bigger barrier to experimenting next time because now she thinks she's being "forced" into it. If you start verbally demanding something new that she's not ready for, you will cause a LOT, a LOT of emotional baggage.

Make sure you are extra romantic, attentive and sweet througout the whole evening each time you want to try something a little adventurous. A big turnoff to being willing to work very hard at sex is that your husband expects you to suddenly go from 0 to 60 in no time flat. We women need some priming on our pump! With a little priming, we can be more open minded.

One suggestion, too, is to buy some sexy lingerie for her. Just make sure to keep it closer to what she would feel comfortable wearing. She sounds very conservative, so I'd buy something sexy but not slutty, for example. If she wears it, be sure to give her a compliment - make it a few sentences long so she knows it's genuine so she truly feels that you see her as beautiful. Part of the problem could be that she's self conscious. From personal experience, I'm not comfortable doing something new if I'm self conscious while doing it.