Today starts the 5th week of separation with my husband. It has been very difficult, but has been a necessary step for him to get away and get his head on straight.

He told me the day he left how difficult this would be on him also. He needed this time alone, with a promise he would honor his marital vows (no sleeping with OW), because he didn't need anything to mess up his thought process.

Fast forward to this past friday. Over the past month we have seen or spoken to each other daily, not all pleasant conversation, some were. It is hard to try and figure out where we go from here.

H has confessed to starting up a relationship again with the OW.

<small>[ December 08, 2002, 10:56 PM: Message edited by: Tina71 ]</small>

Tina -
1st let me say, I'm sorry for your pain. Even after D-Day & our WS promise not to have contact - they will. It can't be helped, it's part of the fog. I know that's not what you want to hear, but it is so true. Next - why do you trust him blindly - because he is still after all your H. You love him & somewhere deep in your heart, you have faith that your marriage will be healed. Without that faith, we are lost.

As far as the OW is concerned, it sounds to me that maybe your H is actually trying to break it off with her & doing a really, really bad job of it. I could be totally off the mark here, but OW's retaliate by notifying the W because the H is trying to end it. OW#2 did that to me SEVERAL times. She was furious at my H, he had used her & she felt stupid and he wanted nothing else to do with her. So, what did she do, she'd call me, I'd see her when I would go out & she'd deliberately walk past me, anything to make me doubt my H. My best advice is to leave the OW alone. They lie when they are wounded & want you to feel the same pain that they feel. Also, let her act like a nut! It makes your H despise her all the more. Just politely let your H know she is bothering you & send her an e-mail asking that she leave you alone. I'm not the best advice giver out here <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> but that's just my take on things.

Vee

TINA

I am sorry your having such a hard time. I think you did the right thing, why give her credit, when she sends crap, and you respond, it tells her you are bothered and she succeded in doing what she needed to do. She offended you and caused more grief. No response, infact hit delete and do not open, that is the best response you can give NONE AT ALL

I would say ignore her and I still think you should be ignoring your husband, he still talks to you every day, let him see what it is like, he isnt alone, he has you to talk ot every day and you can be sure he has her to talk to every day... He has not suffered all that much and I would guess ow is mad for being played as long as you have been played, however the one difference being she new she was being played and if she didnt she should now.

You have a lot of strength and class, dont let any one take that from you including your husband.

IGNORE HER AND EVERYTHING TO DO WITH HER DO NOT GIVE HER ANY SATISFACTION WHAT SO EVER.

Tina,
I agree with you about this board.
I also don't put anything up for discussion for fear of being inundated with opinions from the other side, so to speak.

As far as you and your H, I will ask you again to impliment plan B. It is to help preserve any feelings you have left for your H, and to help you get stronger.

The way you are proceeding now with H is setting yourself up for a world of disappointment over and over again.

H lies to prevent you from further hurt, then you get double-whammied when you discover the truth!
For one , you believed him, for two, you begin to berate yourself because you did believe him.

It's a vicious cycle that you must break.

Hey Tina, you're going to cry anyway you look at things.

You deserve to whale.

Just find a person to talk to and do those anti-depressants. Pray too Tina. God really does hear all prayers. He answers them in his own time and not always the way you wish.

Without any form of contact between you and H, you will both see if you two really miss each other.

If his behaviour doesn't change, then you will have to change the way you deal with it.

It's not easy.

None of this affair [censored] is easy.

If I could have a wish for you, it would be peace in your mind.

Bless you.
love
Debi

Tina, how are you? I think of you often.Try and email me , again. My system may be working. WHat is new between you and H? What have you decided to do? how are your children coping with this?
You are in my thoughts.

Dear Tina

Yeah, sometimes the board does get quiet. I will disappear occasionally just to pretend my life is normal for a time, but I am always drawn back.

Right now I am trying to survive my "anniversary months" that begin in late October and last unitl mid-January and have been re-living a lot of stuff and revisiting some really unproductive and painful memories that have been brought on by another summons from the OW for an increase in CS when, ironically, we have just submitted our own papers for CS modification...and it don't include no freaking increase!!!

I guess just filing out all that paperwork and having to type in her name and address on six documents has my tail flicking.

Tina, don't be apprehensive about posting here. For the most part, the site is safe and we are anonymous here. Your identity could be Suzy from Toronto for all we all know and similar situations could be just a coincidence...don't let anyone scare you away.

It made me sick when I read your husband has been with the OW again. I just can't imagine he is doing this again. I am so, so sorry. As far as sending or not sending the e-mail to OW, that's your call. If you don't send it and act indifferent, it might be the first step in detaching yourself from this situation. If you do send it, then you will purge yourself of your feelings about all this and add some closure to this terrible situation. Just do what you need to do for yourself, Tina. You have suffered far too long.

At this point, I wouldn't worry about what anyone else thinks and just do whatever it is you need to do for yourself and your kids.

Good luck and prayers

Catnip =^^=

<small>[ October 06, 2002, 08:33 AM: Message edited by: catnip ]</small>