I haven't been here for a while. Our computer got a virus and has been in the shop.

Just to update and refresh your memory. H had affair last year that supposedly resulted in OC.
D-day was 2-02. OC born 8-02. OW told us of birth and 'I' told her that H wants no contact, but will pay CS only after DNA tests prove that he is the father. She agreed to this and said she would set up appointment with DHS.

A couple of weeks passed. I called her about appointment and she said DHS hasn't called her yet to give her the appointment date.

That was the last time I talked to her. At that time, she said that she was seeing another man who is bonding with OC. She dated him while she was pregnant and told him that OC's father was a married man. She said that he didn't mind and loves OC. If he really loves them, we feel it would be best if she was raised with him as her father, and wasn't torn between two families. I hope they are truly in love and will get married.

H wants absolutely no contact with OW or OC. He knows the A was a horrible mistake and doesn't want OUR children to suffer for what he has done. H and I are doing great! We're closer that we have been in years!! We have put A behind us, but OC keeps the wound open.

Here is what I need help with. OC is now 2 months old. If OW was seeking CS and had made appointment with DHS, would we have heard from DHS by now? We are secretly hoping that this man she is involved with really loves her and doesn't want our involvement, or even better, that she knows that OC is not H's. I really don't want to call her, but my H refuses to talk to her, so any contact would have to be through me. Is there any way to call DHS anonymously and ask them how long it usually takes before appointment is made?

Don't get me wrong. We want to do what is right by the child and will pay CS if proven that he is the father. But, would't it be great if he wasn't the father!!

Help!!!!

Butterflybonanza

Glad you and your husband are on the road to recovery. Sounds like things are going pretty well.
Cant hurt to call and ask how long it takes, But They will not give you any info, infact every case is so different they probably wont help much at all. I dont know if you can call and ask if your husband has been named or not. I have known cases to take a year even when the have all the info they need.

This woman may not want you in her or her childs life and is hoping you will just go away, Just like your hoping she will.

As far as your children suffering, I dont think that it has to be that way, Children have a great capacity for love and are very accepting.
In some states you can open your own case with DHS. You would have to ask, But if you and your husband truly are not going to be involved in this childs life, I would leave it alone and if they do not contact you, then You are off the hook and can move on.

Hello,
My situation is similiar to yours. OW claims that my H is the father and she was seeing this guy right after she found out. Supposely, they never had sex when OC was conceived. He moved in with her and he was at the birth. I have reason to believe that they broke a little while ago and I am sure there is CS opened now. IT has been 4 months and we still have not gotten the papers. It would not hurt to call them and ask. I know if your H calls they will give him the information if he is the name the father or not.

I know it took up to 4 months for some people to get the papers and that is if OW knows your address. IF she does not it can take longer!

OC first birthday is tomorrow and we still do not know anything!

Dawn

Dear Butterfly,
My dday was 3-02 and OC was born at the first part of this month. She did not call us to tell us he had been born. We found out by being noisy. Like your ow we have not heard a peep out of her. She swore up and down when I confronted her that this baby was my H and she had not been with anyone else. She also agreed to a DNA when the baby was born. We found out that she had worked things out with her husband and they are back living together. My H thinks thinks that we should leave it alone. I disagree. Let me tell you why. It takes forever for the state to do anything. What happens if we put this behind us, assumes that this little boy is her husbands and it has been months down the road and we get served with court papers requiring a DNA test. There goes all of that recovery time. ONLY IN MY OPINION. It will bring up all those old feelings. My husband is kind of like yours. He doesn't want to have anything to do with her or the baby because it is just a constant reminder of the horrible sin and pain he has caused me and his family. He is truly sorry for what he has done. However, doesn't want me to find out anything either. I can't do that. This is why. I have forgiven his A. I have forgiven both of them and only wish the best for her and her family but... In order for me to continue my recovery, I need closure. To get closure, I personally need to find out if this baby is my husbands. My husband and I have a major conflict going on about this and it has taken our recovery back alittle bit. If feel like if she was so sure that he was the father she would be knocking down our door wanting money as she did in the begining. As for the state, I don't think they will tell you alot, they will probably tell you nothing. They are secretive about everything. There are so many here that don't know for sure about the paternity of the babies and it has been years. I feel so bad for them. I feel that if I have to wait years it will jepordized my marriage even more then it already has. I want to find out now not later. If we do find out that this child is my husbands and they want to raise him as thier's, Then God Bless them. Or if I wait 2 years and then we see them walking down the road or in a store and find out that my h wasn't the father. There are 2 years wasting of wondering and worring. I hope my sharring a little of my experience with you has helped.

God Bless
DBH

Thanks everyone for your replies.

Part of me wants to know if he's the father and part of me doesn't. I guess as long as I don't know, there is a chance that it is not his.

How about it? Those of you that know for sure that oc is husbands. Are you better off knowing?

I think it's better just to find out and get on with life. Start working on the plan and not be wondering every day of your life if the OC is your husband's or not. Both myself and my husban wanted it right away. He had heard so many stories of men thinking a child was theirs for years and years, only to find out in the end the child wasn't theirs. Also the man that did the DNA testing said it was SO DEVESTATING when teenagers came in to get a test to find out the father they thought was their father really wasn't. Even though it will hurt a lot to know the truth, (and I am sitting here wondering if the DNA test is really accurate, even though it said 99.99999. It's better to just get it done and try to move on to the next phase. Which is NOW WHAT? What do we do now? How can he ever be a father to that baby. He has his own family here. It's a terrible situation. I don't want him to see his only son, but who am I to deny that of a person. It's not right I guess. It will be a struggle now and always, unless the child is not your husbands.

An act to seek paternity can happen anytime after birth. It can take months to get it going after a request is made. It can take months for the CS order to become finalized. If your potential OC is living in a marital situation with the mother and BS, the BS is assumed to be father of child in most states unless it is contested-by either your H or the BS. Just some more info.