Hi I have an appointment to see my doctor today,I just can't deal with this any more with out some kind of help. I'm so nervous because I don't know what to say to her. I know I'm just going to start crying. I hate this! It's so hard not to be in control of your life any more. I find I can't do daily tasks. My girlfriend e-mailed me saying she has noticed a change in me and want to know what's up. I can't tell her my deep dark secret. I called her and told her I was just depressed and I was going to the doctors. She thinks it's a chemical in balance or something. I hope I can stop crying and move on with this healing thing. I have never been so low in all my life. Thanks for listening.

Hang in there. I had to go to a doctor and ask for an Aids and STD test. I also admitted that I was depressed. It was very hard and embarassing. The fact that my husband had put me in this situation disgusted me. Get help from the doctors. Unfortuately they deal with this all of the time. By the way, I cried at the docs office.

You won't be the first to cry there. You won't be the last. My dr has been very supportive and was welling to help me with almost alll medical needs. For AIDS test, I went to local health dept. I knew no one there. When I got the results, I went straight to the local blood bank and donated blood.

I too broke out in tears when I was having my Aids and other STD tests after discovery. My doctor immediately suggested Wellbutrin and I jumped on it. It got me through some tough months. After about 3-5 months things in our marriage started coming together and I got off of them.

One of the benefits, doctor said, was they were non addictive and didn't have any sexual side effects for most people. Those were two of my three main concerns about the drug.

My third concern was I didn't want to feel doped up. My job requires me to be "on" at all times when I'm there and I couldn't function if I felt "high". Wellbutrin didn't have any ill affect of that sort.

I just didn't bust out and cry and the smallest things. I still cried for the big arguements ... but they weren't cries that lasted all night and the depression that follows for days wasn't there. I was able to spring back into my old self and really think clearly about my growth and healing from this mess my marriage was in.

Hubby saw the positive difference and started working on himself. It was win win for both of us.

(did I mention God's divine hand in that healing too?) He played a big part in it too!

Good luck, don't be afraid to ask for meds to get you through the tough spot. Also, if you can't talk to your friend, call the United Way and ask for a referral to free or sliding scale counseling. It helps just to unload your feelings on another human being.

Z.

Dear LJ,

I wish you all the best. I hope you have a good and understanding doctor. I did and it helped quite a bit. Don't worry about the crying. I think we all did.

Hang in there, they take a couple of weeks to work but sometimes just knowing that relief is on the way can help.

I strongly recommend individual counseling and marriage counseling. I also found a lot of help from self-help books on cognitive therapy. There are a ton of them out there and it is a very effective type of therapy that you can do with very little guidance.

MJ