I'm just curious if anyone has any insight on this. My wife recently told me that her boss (who is a married woman) is looking for her to go on a trip to Puerto Rico with another co=worker and some clients. All are female and all may be married, but not necessarily happily. I feel uncomfortable about this. Any thoughts?

Hello,

This is a huge red flag. Married people should not go on vacations without their spouses. Her female boss is unhappy and wants her to go with her and other unhappily married women to party. It does not take a genius to figure out what will happen. The other women will probably be drinking a lot and will probably be up for short flings with men that they will meet at bars. There will be great pressure on your wife to do the same through peer pressure. The bottom line is that this is very bad news. I think you would be out of your mind not to think that this would do damage to your relationship. How do you think your wife would feel if the roles were reversed?

I agree that married people should not go on vacations without their spouses and the things you mentioned did cross my mind. I trust my wife completely, but she is human and if the peer pressure got to be too great, temptation would kick in. My wife actually has mixed feelings about going. I told her I really don't think she should.

Hello again,

What is the point in putting your marriage at possible risk? I have seen it time and time again at conventions where married people get together, drink too much, peer pressure and the next thing you know great damage to the marriage has ensured.
I have seen some great people end up losing their marriages because of some incident.
In your situation it seems that this may be a major reason for the vacation in the first place.
The drinking and the peer pressure will be enormous. Why would you put your marriage in such jeopardy? Married people DO NOT go on separate vacations.

Again if the roles were reversed and you told your wife that your boss wants you to go with him and some other unhappily married men to go to Puerto Rica to vacation and party; what message would you be sending your wife if you decided to go after she said she did not want you to go and how do you think your wife would be reacting? I think if your wife decides to go then it may indicate that you have problems in your marriage that you are not aware of. I hope for your sake she does not go because more than likely it will only lead to trouble in more ways than one in your marriage. I wish you luck.

Sort of just lurking on this board, but this topic interested me.

First, from my woman's point of view, I do think it would be risky for your wife to go with that boss and coworkers. Sound suspect to me.

However, my question: I am single, have a "special" birthday coming up this fall, and have no one to celebrate with. (I'm a strong Christian, so "celebrate" doesn't have quite the meaning for me that it might for some).

I asked my sister if she'd be interested in flying down with me for a long weekend at Disney World. I love Epcot, and my birthday falls during their Food and Wine-Tasting Festival.

It would be a 4-day vacation. Her kids are pre-teen and teenage. She's never flown before so is really afraid of crashing and is making up every excuse she can think of not to go, and I'm trying to tell her she's silly.

Am I wrong for trying to convince my married sis to go on a vacation with single me, and to leave her husband and kids behind?

I don't want to put her in a position where she's afraid to tell me why she really doesn't want to go. I've been trying to convince her to go, because I thought it would do her good to have a tiny break from the family and enjoy Florida for a few days in the fall.

Because I traveled so much for business (and hated it, btw), I guess I don't have as much of a problem with being away from my family for a short time.

LL

Hi, bryanp,

Actually, she would not go if I tell her I don't want her to. She feels it would be good from a career standpoint, but would not go if it would jeopardize our marriage. We actually discussed it last night and, at this point, she will not go. I was really looking for some thoughts as to whether this is the right way to handle this. Thanks for your input.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lordslady:
<strong>
Am I wrong for trying to convince my married sis to go on a vacation with single me, and to leave her husband and kids behind?

LL </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Nothign wrong with asking. Forcibly persuading, where the person feels that they can't say no, is over the line. You need to respect their boundaries and their sense of obligation to their commitments, even if you don't happen to agree or see them in the same light.

In a marriage, this would be manipulating. Never a good thing...

Is this a business trip or a spring break party?

If it's a business trip, it would seem like not wanting your wife to go would be over-the-top paranoid. As a business professional (female) who has to go on business trips from time to time, I couldn't imagine my H telling me that I couldn't go because he would be afraid for our marriage. And, most of the people I travel with are guys (not very many women in my line of work).

H has never had any reason to feel insecure about that, and unless you have some specific reason, you shouldn't either. Here, you are looking at only females on the business trip.

Of course there are occaisional bad apples - but if your wife hasn't given you reason to believe she's one then why would you feel insecure?

If it's a spring break party, then it's more of an issue of giving her that time to herself or not if she really wanted to go, assuming that the expenses were paid by the company. If not, then it's a financial decision, too.

I couldn't imagine being restricted from doing things because the H thought I might cheat (unless there was a history). That sounds like a flimsy excuse for controlling, insecure or paranoid behaviour (unless there was a history). If whether or not your wife will cheat is a factor in this decision, then there must be other issues.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by whistlewhileyouwork:
<strong> Is this a business trip or a spring break party? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's not a business trip, it's a pleasure trip. My wife views it as a business trip because she can "schmooze" an important client. But the trip is being put together as a pleasure trip, with each person paying her own way. Her boss told her they will be doing all the things my wife doesn't do - gambling, drinking, dancing. I have no reason to mistrust my wife and I am not really worried about that. I simply believe that it is not appropriate for a spouse (man or woman) to take a pleasure trip without the other spouse.

OK, if they are paying their own way and going to be focusing on behavior your wife doesn't appreciate, then I could see why she would want to stay home. As a wife, though, it would be important that the decision was mine and that your opinion was nicely put forth and not with any ultimatums or demands.

If a wife who loves her husband, a spring-break-rowdy-fest would not have any appeal without him so most would probably say no. Your wife was probably conflicted because she saw an opportunity to bond with clients & boss, but wasn't up to the agenda. Now an all-girls (nice)spa weekend . . . . hmmmmmm. . .

One the pleasure-trip-alone issue, I think that it can be impractical to have that as a hard and fast guideline, particularly involving family gatherings. Sometimes once-in-a-lifetime family events happen that you just have to go & the spouse can't. For example, taking a trip with a grandparent to their "homeland"; going to out of state family events, etc., going back to visit your roots (a spouse can only accompany on that so many times!).

These things can be important to one spouse and unimportant to the other. It's not really fair to hold them back because I don't feel like the expense for my share of the ride is worth it. It would seem that many who chimed in on your post would disagree.