Hi Jenny,

I don't know if you feel comfortable sharing here but I thought I would ask. Is there any progress on the adoption front? Do you have an identified child or are you not that far along yet?

Is your H out on deployment or manauevers (don't know how to spell that, I just through in a bunch of French sound vowells ;0). Let us know how it goes when he gets back and you disclose that exOW has sent pictures with nastygrams on them.

Hug him good and hard Jenny and let him know how much you love him. Let him know that you don't see him in the negative light that exOW is trying to portray him in.

MJ

MJ,
Thank you for your concern. You are so kind to post about others despite your own difficulties. Hugs.

Unfortunately H will be deployed until next year. The adoption will take even longer.

What XOW sent included info. @the A that I didn't know, so it's a minor setback for me, plus nastygrams re: lack of fathering. I hate having to re-visit this @#$@#. I hate having to settle in my heart something I already forgave. We're too many years down the road to keep dealing with this. It's evil.

I discussed with H how negative XOW contacts have become, how they hurt him, hurt me, and don't do OC any good either. XOW's bitter, vindictive, and, someone suggested, psychotic. I told him he could fight for "normal" yearly visitation, which would require him to travel 36+hours each way, spend LOTS of money, and have more unhappy contact <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> , or go no-contact. He said he'd rather pee on an electric fence than see XOW. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

So we officially join the ranks of no-contact!! Pray XOW will forget about us! --may they all go in peace.

J
in recovery 4 years and glad I stayed

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Jenny:
<strong>

What XOW sent included info. @the A that I didn't know, so it's a minor setback for me, plus nastygrams re: lack of fathering. I hate having to re-visit this @#$@#. I hate having to settle in my heart something I already forgave. We're too many years down the road to keep dealing with this. It's evil.

I discussed with H how negative XOW contacts have become, how they hurt him, hurt me, and don't do OC any good either.

So we officially join the ranks of no-contact!! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Dear Jenny

What does the XOW gain by cramming more "news" down your throat that is clearly ancient history? Obviously she has way too much time on her hands and has no life whatsoever. Apparantly there are no decent men out there who wish to date/marry her or her attention would be consumed with the here and now and not yesterday or finding evil ways to torture you after all you and your hsuband have done for this child, and ultimately for her. What a rotten, nasty cow. What a small, petty, vindictive, ugly person...

I guess all you can do is pray God enlightens her and protects OC. Can you imagine the indoctrination that poor kid will get against you? Any hope for a normal decent realtionship with this child will be futile. The kid is better off with no contact because of the resentment the XOW is building against you.

Pray the XOW finds someone decent, for OC's sake...however, I can't see where anyone decent would want someone so nasty.

It's all so horrible. The fallout from these situations is just terrible. So many suffer. that's why I really push for no contact because at least you can save yourselves, your marriage and your own family. It's too bad about OC, but that is not your doing. You had nothing to do with it and you've done everything you can to develope a relationship even though you were so far away. you should be commended for that! It is certainly more than I would ever be willing to do. The XOW made her choices, now it's up to her to figure it all out.

Just concentrate on your husband, family and on yourself and leave her and the OC to heaven. you are powerless to fix this mess. Only God can make any of this right. It's best at this point to step aside and let God work his miracles. He knows you have done what you can and been open to contact under the circumstances. He knows you are his faithful servant and is with you every moment helping you get past these evil setbacks.

I wonder if there is any money or future in becoming a OP Bouncer? Kind of like a bounty hunter. Betrayeds could submit a request to the Bounty Hunter to visit OP and "set them straight"...hahaha. These Bounty Hunters would determine what is fair CS (and courts would abide), determine whether or not contact is possible, act as a third party for any contact, and force any Wayward in the Fog to attend mandatory Harley College.

Well, anyway, that's the World According to Catnip. (sigh)

Jenny, I guess we all just have to believe these people who are determined to hurt us will be reckoned with and trust in the Lord, which I know you do.

God bless and keep you, Jenny...
So...tell us more about this adoption! Are you adopting a baby or an older child? That is so loving and generous, I don't know how you and Mary Janes do that. As much as I adore my own kids and grandkids, I have never been very good at being patient or something. Not sure what it is. My Granddaughter is five and loves to come over to crazy eccentric "Nana's" because we dress up and do make up and hair and eat quiche and watch Shrek or some other nonsense. We have tea parties and make exotic teas and talk in weird accents and laugh. It's all pretty weird and I am probably warping the kid but she seems to love it and its a hoot for me. And, when it's over, she goes home! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Anyway, Jen, I've been thinking about you a lot lately and wondering how things are. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Love

Catnip =^^=

Jenny and catnip, I so agree with you both. My H thinks contact should be attempted, just like one big happy family. I see it as you both.Contact will always imply contact with OW-I just heard from her,sending me a nice message telling me my H has been secretly seeing OC against my wishes, telling me I should permit this rather than secret visits.Aside from being furious enough with H to now be filing for separation, I am furious at OW for joining him in his battle of secrecty-it feels like the A all over again, the two of them doing something together that hurts me.

I am more and more convinced that contact destroys marriages unless both parties in the marriage agree to it.What is it doing to mine-destroying it. ANd if OW, you are reading this. I intend to file suit against you in civil court for destroying my family and ruining my children's lives. I hope it makes you more financially ruined.

OP Bouncer--catnip, I love it!! LOL! Yer a gem. Talk to St. Peter, hon, maybe he can give you a job. LOL It sounds like you and 5yo have a GREAT time--she'll cherish those silly memories always. :-) We hope to adopt a preschooler.

Unhappy wife, I'm so sorry your H went behind your back, and I understand that more secrets equal more bonding with XOW even if there is no physical affair. I hope your H comes to his senses PRONTO. Visitation might work when EVERYONE always acts like a grownup should, but rarely do they! (If they had, they wouldn't have committed adultery! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> )

I was "lucky" in that H caught onto recovery principles pretty quickly---after some initial stumbling and pussyfooting (LOL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> ) around XOW---he's stuck to them like glue.

catnip, bizarrely, XOW HAS had a new man for at least a year! She was so "kind" as to include a blurry picture of him with OC, describing all the fathering of OC he gets to do--so H can be jealous I guess? How weird is it that she should still be after my H re: OC?! and include info. from one of their tryst?! See: psychotic!

Dear Lord, ...as we forgive those who tresspass against us, please lead us not into temptation, but DELIVER us from evil!!!!
Amen.

<small>[ October 27, 2002, 12:43 AM: Message edited by: Jenny ]</small>

<small>[ January 20, 2003, 10:08 PM: Message edited by: whatif? ]</small>

<<I am sure there are other bs here who have nightmarish ow that would also like to bring about a lawsuit if they can. >>

Hand raised high here!

o/ I raise my hand too...if I could bring a suit against my ex-ow for something I would. But alas, I probably wasn't married long enough to my hubby to treat her to a lawsuit of alienation of affection or something like that.

I would like to go after her for a small fee for what is taken out of my children's mouths that she knew existed. I would like to take a pound of flesh out of Mr."T"'s A** when my lights and phone get cut off because we have to pay the OC first.

I stand in line of wanting to throw a lawsuit on her butt...but I believe that God has better plans than I do and I try to entrust it to Him...besides, I'm expecting baby #5 with Mr."T" and Ex-OW is married and we are praying that Mr. "ex-ow" will want to adopt our OC.

We keep praying....
Twiisty

I'll raise my hand too.

Heck, our exOW is even acting very reasonably and I'd still like to sue her. There is a part of me that might never be able to give up the desire for revenge despite the number of times she has apologized. Why? I have forgiven Mr. J. Doesn't mean that what he did doesn't still hurt something awful sometimes, but I have no desire to inflict that hurt back on him.

Jenny are adoption plans on hold for now? How many bio-kids do you have already?

If we weren't so darn broke (and Mr. J weren't passing through a crises every other weekend) I would be happy to be back on the adoption treadmill. There is still a baby girl's (plural, maybe) waiting to be filled.

MJ

I don't want to sue XOW. I don't want to spend one single more thought on her than I have to ever again. No amount of money is worth wasting more of my lifetime on XOW.

MJ,
I hope you get little girl(s) one day. Each gender and each person has their own specialness. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I know I am blessed and so thankful to have one of each already, despite the 4 babies I lost. No, the adoption is not on hold; it just takes a long time to referral of a child. Good things come to those who wait. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Prayers for all,
J