Just need to vent...I get so tired of being blind-sided by thoughts about my ex being with the OW. He says he wants me back. That means accepting the baby because he feels a child has the right to have a relationship with his father. I love him but wish I didn't at times. Then I wouldn't have to worry about my thoughts wandering to where, when, why? I think I'm "handling" things until the next time something, or nothing, triggers a thought about him having sex with her. Then the empty pit, sick to the bottom of my heart feelings come over me like a large wave threatening to take me under. If I can't get rid of these feelings, what kind of future can we have? I don't want to be some bitter old woman digging up the A any time I get angry and want to hurt him.

He's supposed to move out of "their" apartment this week in to his own place. She doesn't know about it. I'll believe it if and when it happens. I'm concerned about how she will react, as she has been a real b---- to me over the phone in the past. Calling and demanding to speak with my husband under the guise of needing help with some aspect of her 12 step AA recovery program. Him allowing it. Me "trusting" that they were just working their recovery program and that it was none of my business to question or interfere.(Even though I know that men and women are not supposed to have someone of the opposite sex as their sponsor or main support!)

It's Friday night and I'm all alone. Not the end of the world, but not how I wanted to be living my life at 47 years old. (OW is 22 years old!)

Just needed to say these things somewhere where I would be understood and not judged. Thanks!

Lila,
I know how slow responses are on the weekend. I just wanted you to know I am experiencing the same as you.

I know the feeling of loneliness. My H moved out almost 8 weeks ago for our "trial" separation.

I still hold the slim hope that we will reconcile (sp). But it gets slimmer each day we are apart because of the hold OW has on him. Instead of absence makes the heart grow fonder, I feel for him it is out of sight out of mind.

I am 49, and both of our children are grown and out of the house. Yes it is very lonely rattling around this house we have shared together for the past 23 years.

Tina
Married 27yrs
Dday 3/01
A lasted 7+ years 2OC

tina, I am joining you in the separation group. I no longer want my H-he has been lying to me to see OC and I can't stay in a marriage where lying is so prevalent and so constant. I am ready for the separation-I really have lost too much love to gain it back.

HOw are you doing? it sounds like it has been tough for you.Is your H living with OW or having contact with your children?

UW,
No my H is still living alone, and not with OW.
I hate this separation.

Like Lila, it's saturday night, and I am alone.
I think since this separation happened 8 weeks ago I have not sleep more than 3-4 hours a night. I have tried Xanax, Excedrine PM, Benedryl, am on effoxor. But nothing is helping me. Once I wake up in the middle of the night, my mind starts racing.

I have never lived alone before, went from living at home with parents to getting married. So it is quite a life adjustment being in this house that I grew up in with my parents, to living here for the past 23 years with my husband and kids, to being completely alone. It is amazing what kind of television shows are on at 1AM.

I sent you an email further detailing my mess.

Tina

Dear Lila

We're about the same age and I understand what you are going through and what you are feeling.

This is the point in your marriage where a strong Plan B is appropriate. Please consider going into Plan B immediately and have no further contact whatsoever with your husband.

Your husband's behavior and the fact he is living with the OW is too much for you to have to live with and have to deal with. It's just too painful and too humiliating. As soon as you are in Plan B and refuse any contact whatsoever, you will begin to heal and begin feeling better within days. Please do this for yourself.

Plan B does two important things...it preserves whatever love you have left for your husband and it gives you husband an idea of what life would be like without you. Plan B can also be the catalyst for your husband to suddenly realize that the OW is an obstacle and a poor substitue for what he had with you. Waywards often figure out they want to be home with their Spouse and children pretty quickly in most cases.

If you are at the point where you really don't care all that much anymore and ready to divorce and get on with your life, then Plan B helps give you the strength to do this because you become independent in your healing.

Loosing the marriage is the most painful and saddest thing imaginable. The only thing that surpasses it is living in limbo while your spouse continues involvment with the OP.

Pray for guidance and know we are here for you, whatever your decision. I am so sorry you are going through this.

My husband is an alcoholic and has attended AA and I have attended Alanon. You need Alanon right now as well. Is your husband drinking? He should be in a closed men's group, not a mixed. Does he have a sponsor? I can't imagine that other members haven't confronted him on his involvement with this OP unless they have been extremely covert in their behavior. He is obviously not working the program and he is not supposed to be "helping" young women through their woes.

Take care and God bless. You're in my thoughts and prayers...you too, Tina. Tina, I can't sleep either and spend a lot of time on patrol at 1 AM, too, watching Trigger TV.

Catnip =^^=