Hi,Iam new to this group and wanted to ask a question.My ex husband and I got back together recently.We have been together off and on for 10 yrs.I love him,but we have many problems.Main one,communication.He will not listen to me or my opinions and he tends to "tune" me out.What can I do to open up communication with him?

You have come to a good spot.

Go up to the top, and read *all* the material in the "Concepts" section. It's referred to generally as BC (Basic Concepts). Then go to the Q&A section, and read a whole bunch of Dr. H's letters to people about issues.

The issue may not apply directly to you, but it will help you develop a "MB" mindset in approaching issues.

The behavior you are describing is called a "love buster", basically, anything that doesn't "add" to the love bank breaks it. So tuning you out is being disrespectul, and that takes out of your lovebank. And eventually, enough withdrawals will be made, that you will resent it and him.

It's also quite possible that he doesn't really realize the importance of staying focused on you, and that it is one of your needs.

It may be that you engage in other LB (lovebuster) activities that turn him away as well.

After you have absorbed BC, and read the Q&A, and have *really* thought it over, then fill out the EN questionnaire, and if your H is willing, ask him to fill it out too, and then you have a basis for moving forward.

If you get stuck, come on back, there's lots of people here that can help.

But it is *critical* to have a good understanding of BC.