Hi I am brand new here after searching the web for some help on this topic that I am struggling with. I have a problem that is severely damaging my relationship but I don't know if there is any help for me. I have trust issues with my fiancee there is no reason for it she has been only great to me since we have been together. She loves me very much and has never given me any reason to feel these things...but I do. I really need help as I want to straighten these feelings up before we get married. I don't know where these stem from, all I know is that I have felt them before in past relationships but didn't really care enough to make the effort but I love my fiancee desperately and want help with this. My question is...is there help with this? I really don't want those thoughts running through my head but I don't know how to fix it! Can counseling help me?

Well, with the right counseling, you can certainly get help, and it's not necessarily a bad idea.

But trust is something it takes time to develop, and you have to work at it.

I would encourage you to go up to the top, and read all teh material in the "Concepts" link, which will introduce you to the "foundation" of MB. Then I would read a bunch of the letters in the Q&A section. Especially the ones on infidelity. Not because infidelity is an issue, but a big part of recovery is restoring trust. The material there can play a big part in helping you learn to trust.

And lastly, you need to look at the needs that you and your partner meet in each other. If there are needs going unmet (EN's), then it puts additional pressure on the relationship that can manifest itself a lot of different ways.

Good luck. Read teh materal. Really. Then after having mulled it over, come back and let's toss it around a bit.

Emerson,
I've been going through exactly the same thing as far as not trusting my W when she has'nt given me any reason to doubt her loyalty. I'm an attractive man with a good job,lots of friends and normally I'm extremely confident. Thats one of the things that attracted her to me. So its seems odd that I would become so insecure.

So I contacted several psychologist to figure out why these thoughts keep coming into my head. The most common response I get is that I have been scarred by a past relationship and haven't completley got over it. Like my ex cheated on me which she did and now I'm reliving it. Also I've been told it may have something to do with abandonment issues stemming from my childhood. I lost something or someone in my childhood and now I'm afraid I'm going to lose her.

It got so bad with me I would have panic attacks and extreme headaches if she had to work late etc.
I almost completely pushed her away. She said we are goin to counseling or its over. That right there was a wake up call that
a) she loved me enough to work on it with me.
B) that if you don't get help it will never go away, and your relationship will be miserable and every relationship after it will suffer the same fate.

You have to get ahold of it yourself first, and then try and repair the damage you've done with her. Hopefuly its not too bad yet, but this website has helped me alot with this. Its hard but toally possible. Anyway I just wanted you to know I've been in your shoes and it can take a toll on a relationship. Also I've been prescribed an anti-anxiety drug Ativan by my MD. It works well for calming the nerves. Hope my rambling helps atleast a little bit. I would download basic concepts and the EN questionaire and good luck!