Today AMLO says that he misses OW. He has stopped trying to reconcile, but he says he loves me and does not want to leave. It has only been a week! I want him to make a decision, right now about what he really wants for the hundreth time or leave me for good. He keeps bringing up my friend. I do not want him, but he doesnt believe me because I said I would call him again if he goes back to OW. Arent I entitled? He is missing her, treating me like yesterdays news, not inviting me to family functions. I feel betrayed, and alone all over again. Please advise.

Hi there,

I know exactly how your feeling and it sucks really bad, I went thru the same stuff, thinking that he would see the light for what kind of person she was and what he was missing, but one day I woke and realized I needed to see the light and I did!!!! It's been a few months but he still see her once in a awhile and I just found out he still calls her when I'm not around and the light I see is getting brighter by the day. You need to put yourself first and your needs and be strong, sometimes it will be easy and other times harder, Just let him go and one day when it's too late he'll realize it .But you'll be beyond!!!!! hang in there Go do something for yourself!!! You deserve it!!!!!! I hope this helps you bcz I have no symphathy for the cheater!!!

JILL

I went back and reread AmLo's first thread where he went on and on about his spiritual rebirth and relationship with God, Bible study and his recommitment with you.

At the time, I thought it was a little soon to be displaying this kind of remorse and determination and felt you were exceedingly lucky to have this kind of realization right out of the gate, but was gratified nonetheless that there are people out there who escape the FOG and have the ability to find God and recommit. However, this back-peddling does not surprise me and is predictable.

But, don't despair. This is normal and just part of the process. Chances are you two will find you way back to each other as long as you don't do the tit for tat games of "well, he's seeing OW, that means it's OK to see OM", because it is not OK....if you do that, you will be putting a band-aid on a hemorrhage...to thine own self be true. Do not diminish yourself or your dignity/integrity by sinking to his level. Hooking up with someone else is only going to make things a lot worse and more complicated and possibly ruin the chances you two have of fixing this mess by delaying the healing process.

It was made crystal clear to him that any and all contact is absolutely forbidden on any level if he desires the marriage and to set things right.

Payback is a stupid game and always always backfires on us. Be patient, pray and ask for guidance and stay strong. He knows the rules for recovery and if you both work the principles together, you have a much better chance at surviving this. Study the Harley policies, rules and principles and incorporate them into your lives. Focus on each other and the marriage and cut any and all contact with XOW and go into a strong Plan A. You BOTH need to Plan A each other at this point because you are both so vulnerable to an affair.

Good luck, LoAm, and don't get too discouraged yet. These are trying times and you need to stay strong.

Catnip =^^=

Thanks, I know I cannot keep contact with OM, and I will not. H wont commit to not talking to OW though, and I firmly believe that we will never be able to continue recovery until he makes that commitment. I am seriously considering plan B. I am also taking Dr. Harley's advice and getting some anti-depressants. I cant concentrate on anything else! Now I find out that his family is inviting the OW over, consoling her, telling him he moved home too fast. The devil is on a rampage! But I am getting back in tune with God, and I know that we can do this if we try. Pray for us...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by LoAm:
[QB]Now I find out that his family is inviting the OW over, consoling her, telling him he moved home too fastQB]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WHAT???? WHAT????? When your in-laws witnessed you and your husband exchanging VOWS before God, what part of "let no man put asunder" did they not understand?

How incredibly evil...they are surely a lot of Godless people posturing as Christians. I'd hate to have to explain this one before the Almighty as to why they are campaigning with whores to promote their grandchildren to end up with a broken home.

Keep trusting in God and have faith and take your meds....

I am so sorry.....

Catnip =^^=

<small>[ November 01, 2002, 10:54 AM: Message edited by: catnip ]</small>

<small>[ November 01, 2002, 10:53 AM: Message edited by: catnip ]</small>

Just a quick update. We talked last night, and a lot of the things he said, I might have misinterpreted. Hopefully now he will disclose things when they happen, not weeks later. Anyway, we have decided to not talk about reconciliation, at least not anymore today. I made an appt. to get some AD, and I feel better about myself already. We are going to try and go out and have fun tonight! I dwell on things too much, and we both got in a fog. Wish us luck!

Well, hes leaving. After all this, he is still leaving. Nothing I have to give is enough. Pray for me, please.

I'm praying for you. Right now the best thing you can do for yourself is give yourself time.

Time to think about what you want.
Time to heal and do things for yourself.
Time to sort out and heal your emotions.

I don't really know what to say to you as your H wants to be involved with the baby, mine didn't and hasn't. But I can tell you, if you read the SAA book most affairs don't last more than 6 months when the starry-eyed beloveds bubble gets burst. Small comfort I know, but one that is mostly guaranteed.

I would advise you to get yourself together, do plan B and see if this does indeed happen. Then you will be in the presence of mind to decide if you want to let your H back and reconcile or you can decide if your future is better without him and the hassle of an Ex-OW/OC in your life.

Do continue with the IC and meds if prescribed for you. (Not sure if you are on anti-Depressants or not or if you need them) I'm on them and it helped me tremendously...I was able to separate the overly emotional stuff with the real issues and make some clear and level headed decisions.

Hugs and prayers,
Twiisty

I forgot to add one more thing...don't let the OM complicate your recovery of yourself during this time. Take this time out just for you. I wouldn't get involved with anybody until you know for sure where your marriage is headed. This will take time, it will suck at times, but you will be a better and stronger person for getting through this and it does get better with time....
Hugs and prayers,
Twiisty

Thanks, I needed that. Especially the part about the OM. A part of me keeps saying, "just call him, he will make you feel better". But I know it will only be temporary. Then I will feel worse. So I am not going to call. I moved my appt. for meds up to tomorrow. That should help. Has anyone out there used plan b in a circumstance similar to mine?