I'm having such a bad day! All I've been doing is crying I thought I was getting better but the more I try to move on those damn demons come back. I have thoughts that it's so make believe and it's not really happening to me and then like a bolt of lightning it hits me that this is my life and it's not make believe. That's when the hurt is worse when I realize this is truely happening. H said when I ask "How will I know this won't happen again" I love you and I don't want to hurt you. I think so he didn't love me before and he had no idea this would hurt me. Bull SH!! I know he could give me no answer that would be satisfactory to me but why do I keep searching? I can't seem to let go. He maintained a secret relationship with the oc for 1 1/2 years I visualize them together hugging and kissing and gooing and I know he feels deeply for her. I AM SO JEALOUS! He now says I can't have 2 families so I'll stop seeing oc. JUST LIKE THAT! I find that hard to believe. We discusssed this together and we decided together that would be best not to see other oc but can someone just stop after bonding for that long? I did ask him this and he said "It's something he will have to live with and he will try, it's his problem not mine" Hello I think it's my problem too! He just keeps telling me everything will be okay and try not to think about it. Wish it was that easy! I think he just wants it to go away well, so wouldn't I but it aren't that simple. I'm so very hurt my this and I can't seem to get past this. H is very remorseful and holds me and tells me he loves me so why can't I be satisfied with that? I'm still so angry with him!! I know time is what I need I hate my whole life right now. I hate roller coaster rides and its making me sick. Had to vent!!! Thanks LJ

Hello,
I just wanted to say I know exactly how you feel. My H said that he wanted no contact and he has not seen OC and he is a year old now. When everything comes and if OC is his then he wants contact after all this time saying no contact. It makes me wonder if has been telling the truth about not seeing OC.

Dawn

<small>[ November 04, 2002, 07:12 PM: Message edited by: Dawn71 ]</small>

Well, perhaps he is not really bonded with the OC????? You know, if he can just dump the kid just like that? If he secretly maintained contact I doubt if it means he was there every week, do you think? He chose you over them, he said he loves you and doesn't want to hurt you (anymore), he doesn't "want" them anymore, so those are the main things, right? (((HUGS)))