A few months ago my H and I were excited with our choice to get a puppy. There have been a lot of challenges in organizing our ideas on how to raise the puppy and what kind of discipline should be used. However, my H also had/has a habit of intimidating and scaring the dog so that it doesn't want to go to him when he calls, he hides from him, and shakes when my H is holding him. I've tried several times to express to him about how damaging his behavior is to the puppy I have really grown to love. My H was a little reluctant to believe me at first, but now the evidence is too obvious. Is there any way for my H to reverse the damage and start a better relationship with OUR pet?
I've thought of several theories on why my H feels he needs to treat the dog the way he does (talking gruff to him, hanging him by one leg, etc.) One is that I think he expects the dog to be trained and grown up all ready and also that my H may prefer female pets over male (which my dog is)...and also probably yet another reason my H expects the dog to be more "manly" and self-sufficent. Who knows? Any advice or insight would be great. Thanks! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Your husband needs training.

Like a lot of men, the dog is a symbol of his masculinity. If the dog is timid, effeminate, or too friendly, they fear that people won't respect them.

Find a good trainer. A trainer who doesn't hit the dog on the head. There is a guy in L.A. (I don't want to get sued, but a local free paper did a story about him, and he hit dogs on the head to train them. Result: they are hand shy and they close their eyes and wince and cower when you try to pet their heads. Oh, and this guy calls himself "Uncle [blank]" and SAYS "never hit your dog" but all the pet owners who trained with him said that was exactly what he did to their dogs.

Also, one day I met a woman outside one of our churches, walking a beautiful dog, and he had been trained by this "Uncle [blank]" and when we tried to pet the animal, she launched into a tale of woe. Even SHE can't pet the dog on the head.

Get your husband retrained.

My w bought me a English springer spaniel for my birthday last year. I have taken him through obedience training and I do alot of work with him on my own at home. If your H has been intimdating the dog thats not always such a bad thing, what I mean is the dog has to know whos boss, but if you go overboard the dog will start cowering like you describe. What kind of dog is it? Different breeds have different personality types, some are more dominant and some are submissive.

Easy to fix don't worry, but it will take work on your H's part. Start by your H giving treats to the dog every day. He needs to spend just about 10-15 minutes a day, kind of bonding with the dog. You could even leave the room during this time. Give treats and positive reinforcement. Tell him to stand about 10 feet away with treats in his hand and call the dog to him. After a couple weeks they will be getting along fine. NO HITTING THE DOG ON THE HEAD EVER. That can cause severe damagae to the dogs hearing and psyche among other things.

For discipline I suggest a rolled up newspaper on the behind, or like my dog I put him in time out. Hitting on the butt has no effect on my dog so I use the time out method, he really craves my attention so when he's bad I make him stay in the kitchen and I ignore him for about 20 minutes, he hates it and thus stops the undesirable behavior.

My w's cat was very skittish around me when we first met and would only come to her. I used this method. My W would stay in another room while I spent time with the cat, now the cat comes right up to me no problem.
Let me know how it works out, good luck.

<small>[ February 17, 2005, 09:58 AM: Message edited by: pledger ]</small>