Okay I'm new to this so bear with me.

Me and my wife are going threw a very trying time right now and majority of it is my fault I belive she doesn't want to talk to me anymore.

Because that's what I did see I have a real problem bottling up my feelings and then I lash out at her wich is wrong I admitted that to her. Also I just found out she only married me for selfish reasons not because she loved me.

She wants to divorce but she can't because it's not biblical I don't want to divorce because I love her,also the simple fact that we 2 children together.

I also found out she's been emotionally disconnected from me before are first child was even born,so I asked her is this marriage over and she said yes.

I know it's going to take time for this to heal but if her heart has already harden towards what should I do? Because I already told her if I leave I'm moving back uo north so I get the feeling she can't wait for me to do that.

I just need advice on this please.

Hope is not yet lost. Hearts can be softened, attitudes can be changed, love can be rediscovered.

Some of wha tyou're engaging in is something called a "Lovebuster", and it's a sure fire way of runing a relationship. AO's (Angry Outbursts) are a LB. There's a whole host of them.

I would encourage you to click the "Concepts' link up at the top, and read the whole section there. That material is referred to as "Basic Concepts", and it's the fundamental principles on which MB is based. So pretty much any discussion is going to use that as a foundation, so you need to have a good grasp of it.

Then, click on over to the Q&A section, and read some of the letters Dr. H has there on real-world applications of the MB principles.

In essence, 2 things have to happen. The LB's have to stop, and then a mutual meeting of EN's (Emotional NEeds) has to happen, so that the two of you can start the healing process.

So, step 1 is to sit down, and do a lot of reading. You may or may not want to share it with your W. You ahve to be careful sharing it, because it can be perceived as manipulation, which then just creates more problems.

After that, take the EN questionnaire, and then swap 'em, and start working on meeting your W's needs, (and she works to meet yours), and go forward from there.

Don't hesitate to come back with questions, the above is a get-you-started kind of thing.

Well it's pretty much over she already told me that:she knows I'm trying to change but she doesn't care.

The marriage is over and I'm moving back up north with my mom. She said she's tired of this marriage. Been together 5 years but only married 3,alot has to do with the fact she told me she never really trusted me and we always had somebody from her family living with us.

I don't know she already made up her mind because I'm leaving the only thing I can do is continue changing for me and my kids.

One thing is for certain though I'm never getting married agian.

Well, I'm sorry to hear it. There have been 11th hour changes in attitudes, so all hope isn't lost, unless you want it to be.

It seems like you're throwing in the towel, rather than really fighting for what you believe to be right. If you want to be married, then fight for relationship. If it's going to go away, have *her* be the one that makes the relationship dissolve, don't just capitulate.

Good luck, and I wish you the best.