Somehow we got off Tina and onto my bad manners on her thread.

If anyone else has any issues about my choice of words or position, please submit your complaints here.

I appreciate your input.

Catnip =^^=

No complaint here! I love ya!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thanks, Nerly. I finished posting on Tina's thread with my response to you. I sure appreciate your validation...

Catnip =^^=

I HAD to come out of lurking for this one...

Catnip, you have the right to your own opinions, and you also have the right to be bitter til the day you die. Yes, it is a fact that Tina husband was/is insensitive. BUT it is a funeral not an anniversary party. People greive in different ways may it be right or wrong. Someone important to alot of people died. A marriage is always a work in process and Tina has decided to work it out through thick and thin. But right now the focus is on someone who died. The people at the funeral are not going to stop grieving, go on Jenny Jones, and announce that OC's are in the obituary.

The point I'm trying to make is that the funeral is not about the marriage. It's about the person who died and how it has affected the people who know them.

Right or wrong people grieve how their going to grieve. Don't be the one to be blamed later on in life when there are regrets.

There was more I wanted to point out but I'm not going to bother, because "IMO", you see things very onesided.

Well, bless your heart, Pj3, for posting.

You are right about one thing, Pj3, and it is that I do see things very one-sided where Betrayeds are concerned. Is there any other side?

Thanks you for pointing out the obvious.

I agree with you that a funeral is not an anniversary party, but I disagree with you about who a funeral is for. Funerals are for the living, for the survivors to find closure. The deceased does not know and does not care what is going on in the church. They are blissfully at their final reward, no longer suffering, no longer in pain, no longer bothered by life's little dramas.

Although we pay tribute to the deceased, it really is all about the survivors and their need to express their grief and have moments of rememberance.

It just seems to me highly inappropriate to expect your wife of thirty years to be OK with you wanting to include your flavor of the month/year at a gathering of close family and friends, many of whom don't even know this person exists. And if they do, don't think too much of them and what they have done.

Family is about loyalty and love, too. And sticking by your sister in law, daughter in law and family friend of thrity years and not embarassisng her or her children. That's all. I think you and I are on the same page with that...the insensitivity of Tina's husband.

So, being a "newbie" and not really familiar with all the players here or in the dynamics of the site, I should warn you that we are often called "bitter" when we make a show of strength or if we have a strong opinion. Newbies often mistake fervor for bitterness and momentary justifiable anger as hate. We don't take it personally, but I'd be interested in hearing your other opinions that you feel are not worth sharing.

Good luck and thanks

Catnip =^^=

catnip,
I, for one, appreciate your candor. I hope both you, and Nerlycrzy, accept my friendship and respect.

ember

Catnip, see my post under Tina's old thread.

MEOW!!!!

No complaints on my part either...In the two years of posts of yours that I've been privileged to read, I have seen you eloquently express several things that I have felt and I have seen you endorse and even stand up for those who do have contact, even though it's not in your situation or mine....I have also seen you stand up and call things for what they are...it's called candor and some are better at it then others...

I have always believed that opionions are like bellybuttons (or use your choice of adjective_____) everybody has 'em....

It's like I stated before, "I may not agree with what some people say, but I'll fight to the death their right to say it." This is what makes freedom of speech beautiful, no?

Anyways...got some catnip around here for ya...still waiting for plans for our cruise on future November....

Hang in there Gal...it's a great day to be alive!
Hugs,
Twiisty

This has been deleted!!! Precisely why I don't post. I did not make ONE JUDGMENTAL comment to anyone here nor did I refer to anyone but the people involved in my own situation and within a short period of time the judgments begin....I guess I'll go back to lurking and silently cheering catnip on!!!

<small>[ November 09, 2002, 09:49 PM: Message edited by: why ]</small>

Just a thought, Why..
Who's the loser, those poor children in foster care or you? I see it as a tie for first place and you have my heart felt pity.
I don't understand if you are as bitter as you say, why you chose to live that way with a man you obviously seem to want to punish?

CM

WOW! "Different strokes for different folks--whatever makes YOU happy."--Right? I didn't mean to make catnip start another thread about this but I guess it's as long as you can justify yourself to yourself then it's all good. I really can understand anger at an OW but the pure bitterness towards children--OC or just children out of wedlock is beyond my comprehension. The way I see it, the children are the only completely innocent parties. That's right, I said it. Sure, I didn't ASK my husband to have an affair as I'm sure no BW/BS did, but I did contribute to the temporary breakdown that allowed the affair to happen in the first place. What I mean by that is if H were completely happy at home, the OW could have stood in front of him butt naked, legs spread wide open and H would have walked away. It could have been ANYTHING, from not keeping a clean house, not cooking, not have sex on a regular basis, gaining weight, not being supportive...ANYTHING that would cause detriment to the M. NO, I am not saying the BS is to blame for the WSs affair, but the BS does have to recognize, realize, and understand their part in what went wrong in the M. If you sit there and say "I was completely innocent, I didn't ask for any of this" then you are kidding yourself. No, of course you didn't ask for an affair or an OC, not saying you did, but own your piece. The children are the only ones who had NOTHING to do with anyone or anything. So to call a child a "[censored] spawn" is...just plain bitterness. Come on now, a child created out of wedlock--not even from an affair, just out of wedlock-- still doesn't deserve to be recognized as a survivor of their father's death? Because you don't like their mother??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Whatever happened to CDCollins? I rather enjoyed reading her posts.

<small>[ November 09, 2002, 09:41 PM: Message edited by: nocontact4us ]</small>

Ok my emotional needs weren't meant also but does that give me the right to go out and have sex with out a condom and bring a child home helllllll nooooo. I will not take responsibility for that, the children are a constant reminder of my pain. I feel men& women who sleep with married
people, have no integrity no moral no nothing and that putting it mildly. The bottom line they think of themselves, no one else there hidden agenda is to divide a family and there is no right in that. I don't care how you slice it.Yes I'm very angry.This is not being resposible for your action by inflicting, sometime never ending pain depending on the individual. Sometime I feel life sucks does that mean I go and committ suicide, no I do what I can to make it better.

People just make excusses, for just being plan sorry group of people they don't no how to handle conflict. I call them track stars, as soon as the going get tough the tough gets going whether it be in the arms of OM or OW. They don't have the copeing skills to try maintain healthy dialog or relationship.

<small>[ November 09, 2002, 10:21 PM: Message edited by: MALC ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by why:
<strong>This has been deleted!!! Precisely why I don't post. I did not make ONE JUDGMENTAL comment to anyone here nor did I refer to anyone but the people involved in my own situation and within a short period of time the judgments begin....I guess I'll go back to lurking and silently cheering catnip on!!!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Holy Smokes Why..
I don't understand why you'd choose to live a perpetually hateful life? Your H had an affair and you give yourself a life sentence of bitterness and hate? If you want to cheer on a person who seems stuck in her anger, I feel very sorry for you. I don't mean that in a disrespectful way by any means to you or Catnip. At some point, anger turns on you and you become a victim of it as much anyone else. This site has helped me to grow and to understand how devastating the affair is to everyone involved in it, directly or indirectly. Isn't this site soppose to serve as a means to grow and improve your life? Its not about *****ing and moaning all the time and cheering the one who can spew out the worst of it,is it?
I see posters here who are BS's who show basic decency and I think, wow, how incredible that someone who has been dumped on and hurt so deeply can show compasion and understanding. What an inspiration for me to rise above my anger. Oh, yes, I'm a WS and an ex-ow, but I've got my fair share of anger too.
I don't mean to point you out, if you want to go back to whatever you were doing that wasn't working, who can stop you? We're all the captains of our own ships as they say.

CM

Catnip,
Just a quick note.. Not a problem with me either. You know I'm hangin' with ya!

Plum pooped out Tina

Diffferent strokes for different folks CM. That doesn't make them right right or wrong it just takes some longer then others. But in the meantime allow people to be were they are until they get were they are suppose to be. walk a mile in there shoes then judge ok.

Dear MALC,
I did say in my previous post the we do not ASK for the affair or the OC but I guess I should have also said that our shortcomings..whatever they are...do not give our spouses the right to have the affair either. I wasn't saying you should own the affair piece. "Men or women who sleep with married people have no integrity, no morals, no nothing..." Maybe, maybe not, but if you look at it that way then you would also think that married people who sleep with men or women outside of the marriage have no integrity, no morals,no nothing. I think my H has morals and integrity...he made some stupid STUPID decisions for which he has learned a very valuable and costly lesson. The discovery of the affiar hurt, make no doubt about that, but the OW hurt me far less than the man who was supposed to love me forever did. She means NOTHING to my marriage therefor she does NOT have the power to make anger and bitterness destroy my life and who I am.

Maybe you are OK with OW But I'm not with my H help, she willfully and intentionally set out to destroy my marriage she even named the little girl after my H now how low will she go. Oh by the way married people that step outside of there marriage have no scrupples neithere I must not for get them they will piss in your face and call it rain.

<small>[ November 09, 2002, 10:43 PM: Message edited by: MALC ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MALC:
<strong>Diffferent strokes for different folks CM. That doesn't make them right right or wrong it just takes some longer then others. But in the meantime allow people to be were they are until they get were they are suppose to be. walk a mile in there shoes then judge ok.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So long as that same privelege is extended to all of us then I agree with you. I wasn't given that luxery, at least not by the vast majority of the BS's here.

Will that mission ever be accomplished... I wonder..? Those who band together in agreement and who set the virtual rules when they are offended, but don't themselves follow, and think nothing of offending so long as it suits them, are preventing your very idea from being realized.

I don't see what all the arguing is about quite frankly. My expectations of others are what was demanded of me.

If we can call OW in general whores and children, [censored].. then I feel perfectly comfortable with the honesty in my posts.

CM

Basicly you embark on a site that deals with
Marriages and rebuild BS & WS spouses back together again . Now when you arrived if you were singing a different tune, then you would get jumped on, After all there are a lot of wounded BS here and if you were trying to jusitify a relationship with a WS, I could see the anger towards you, I don't know just speculating.
BS need time to heal some takes longer than others just allow and watch the transformation.
allow them to vent if venting is stifled, then what, I say if the shoe fit wear it if it doesn't why try on the shoe. I'm talking about name calling.

You know catnip, maybe you hit my tigger point today, as I'm normally able to ignore your defensive reply's to posters who actually disagree with you.

I have to point something out. We all know that Tina's H was involved with his OP for years and years, so why do you say, in reference to the emr, flavor of the month/year? You seem to relish in belittling people and making it seem that all emr's are meaningless hobbies. I know you said this is a very bad trigger month for you but isn't there another avenue for you to tunnel your negative energy? While I think supporting someone and banding together to support her is awesome and admirable, why do it in such a coarse manner?

BTW,I don't understand how people who stand up here and talk about God and His love and the right and moral way to live, can justify such verbal abuse and the emotional neglect of children. As if God didn't create those children.

CM