I have a real difficult situation that I am under and I don't know how to keep my emotions under wraps anymore. My husband and the single, neighbour have been having deep, soul searching conversation. This has led to emotional cheating, and I don't know if it has gone any further into a kiss or beyond. I don't believe my husband would do anything sexual. I had confronted both of them, not together, in regards to what I feel and know, based on my instinct. My husband "justifies" and she "denies" and wants to be both our friends and good neighbour. In talking with her on how I felt about her being my husband's friend, knowing that we are in a stressful period; she in her round about and condecending way, has let it be known that she will facilitate whatever my husband needs, even if to take a break away from me and the kids for 20 minutes or whatever. In reading all of the articles on this website, I see that my husband and I have both been guilty of the marriage busters. And I am sure that is why all of this has now come to a head. It's just too coincidental that the neighbour is single, been divorced twice and gives off this 'damsel in distress' auro; and my husband has taken to her.

Well, my husband and her have decided to start a business. It is something my husband has wanted to do since we moved here to the States. He is a Bririth National and he has been home, being the stay-at-home dad to our 2 year old daughter and his 3 step children. You can see it when they are around each other. It's a vibe and she is very touchy feely. She has brought him over CDs of his favourite music and I might have caught him buying a piece of clothing for her that I found in a shopping bag. I could tell he was fidgeting around to give me an explanation. It just makes my stomach turn to see the sight of her.

I told my husband I want to support his business efforts. He has always wanted to do something in this field. Granted, she has the marketing and know how and has a professional background in what they are doing. I understand he has needed something to start professionally for 3 years now, and to have something to give him purpose. I have been the one working outside the home, and providing financially since we moved here to the states. I am the American in this relationship.I know this is something he has to do, and try. You don't know how many years I have told him he is really good at what he wants to do, to start a business, and to get off his duff and quit thinking he is going to fail. But seems I didn't have that "magic touch" and I feel really hurt.

I know I will never ever trust her and it makes me real angry inside and I am seething whenever she comes to the house to discuss business. My husband and/or her have discussed that it would be better not for him to come over to hers and work on business. I don't know if he's transitioning into trying to just be friends/business partners and working on the marriage. The past couple of days I have seen changes in him as far as the way he used to treat me before we got married. The words "honey" are coming back. He is calling me at work more and letting me know what he's doing during the day. He accounts for the time he is out taking photos with HER.

He has not been affectionate towards me and has been sleeping on the sofa in our bedroom for about a week now. It all really hurts, but he says he needs time to get his head sorted and needs a bit of space.

I am not making excuses for him, but it has been a rough 3 years since we came to the States. He has been homesick and my parents and ex and ex-in laws did not necessarily take him with open arms. And our butting heads have not helped either.

A bit of help with trying to sort my emotions between letting him have his space, do the business, and my feelings in regards to her. Thank you!!

Hmmm. Difficult situation to be in.

It seems pretty clear from the description that your H is having an EA with your neighbor. Which is infidelity, in which case, a whole bunch of stuff kicks in. Normally the thing to do would be NC with the OW, and work in the marriage at rebuildilng the trust. If not checked now, it's very possible that it could turn into a PA.

Dr.H has some stuff in the Q&A section (up at the top), on the steps to take here. But the marriage relationship is in trouble. And until the infidelity is addressed, and proactive steps taken, there really isn't much else to do.

I would suggest that you re-post this over in the "Just Found Out" section. There's a lot more people there, that can help you. Of course, you're welcome to keep posting here and I can help with what I can.

I want to say too, that your feelings of anger and stuff with the neighbor are perfectly understandable. After all, she is the encroacher, the OW.

But as I said, the general rule of thumb with an affair is NC, which makes the business part difficult. Dr. H has lots of stuff on affairs up in the Q&A section, I would really encourage you to read it.

Thanks for your quick reply. Well, today she came to the door, as expected to check up on what he has done as far as business today. She asked if I was ok. I said was fine. She asked again if everything was ok. Then she started to get upset about how she was trying to find a way to communicate better with me, etc... I stopped her in her tracks.

To be quite honest with everyone in this forum; My sleep has been zilch. I am emotionally, physically and mentally exhausted. My husband has threw in the towel as far as helping the kids with homework. 2 of the 3 have learning difficulties. I have the 2 year old (which is his daughter) running around like a little nutter and getting into things. I leave the house to go to work at 6:40 am and get home around 5:30. I am sick of my husband wanting to talk about things (meaning, to finish the marriage and figure out what next) and I am sick of this woman concerning herself with me.

I basically told her to stop and my feelings are none of her concern. I needed to deal with my family and my marriage right now. To be honest, I cannot be bothered about HER feelings. I have enough on my shoulders.

I phoned my husband, who was across the street with our male neighbour. He hasn't a clue as to what is going on with her. He doesn't even know who she is. Anyhow. I let him know exactly what I told her, in the event she went boo hooing to him and in the event that he felt he had to defend her and get mad at me. I am sick of it.

Phew! I have said my peace for the day. I thank you for listening to me.

Definitely, go to the Just Found Out board.